tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36536278982116778982024-03-13T10:27:44.661-07:00And then there were threeOr five, if you include the dog and Odg. Wendyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01275141955983984621noreply@blogger.comBlogger430125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3653627898211677898.post-84427219952151997762015-04-08T22:31:00.000-07:002015-04-09T07:14:33.404-07:00Month 61, 62 and almost 63Hey Maddy!<br />
<br />
It's me - your overly busy and underly writing mom. Maddy! You are almost 5 and a HALF. Which is a super duper big deal to you. And it's amazing to watch you grow...<br />
<br />
I remember months... years? Years ago I questioned when your confidence would change. Your certainty and unwavering belief in yourself. And it's starting to...<br />
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You are now aware of the fact that other people, outside of you and us, see you and evaluate you. And you, like most of us, are super concerned about what they think.<br />
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Your friends think you scribble when you draw? Well, you sort of do, it's so much better but not perfect. And that is ok! You are not confident of your fine motor skills and say you can't do it (when you can, if you concentrate). But you remember this, obsess over this, get sad at your friends saying you scribble. You remember all the bad things that have happened. A mean word, a snub, someone not listening to you... You bring them up, you get upset all over again. You hold on to it all...<br />
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We try to tell you to let go of the bad. Easier said than done. We try to make you think of the positive things that happened. "None" you say.<br />
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But, really, most of the time you are a happy and confident kid. SO outgoing, so much personality, such a complete and utterly natural exuberant person. But the filters are starting, the need for approval is starting... Your worry is starting.<br />
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In happier news, you are still the funniest kid I know. You whistle constantly. If not whistling, then talking, always moving. Always questioning. You have started asking the definitions of all words you don't know. Trying to understand their context. Which has lead to fun conversations about religion ("Mama, which religion am I?"), life ("Mama, where does life come from?") and death ("Mama, what happens when you die?").<br />
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We have you officially registered in kindergarten (WOO!) and we have you registered in your new daycare - in the end we had to move you over. And that is ok too. You can stay with your friends there.<br />
<br />
We have already started the preparation to have you leave Odg at home. No Odg to kindergarten. You are ok with it now, but the one day we forgot Odg at home and you went to daycare without him? Baba had to come by with him. Which, of course, meant that once you saw baba you just wanted to leave and you made baba PROMISE to come get you early that day. Which? She did.<br />
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Of course she did!<br />
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I have to say, Maddy, you have the best most amazing and supportive and loving grandparents. They are always there for you, and that means they are always there for us parents too. And you love spending time with them. And I love to see that. I spent a lot of time with my grandparents but there wasn't a lot of interaction. They did their thing, I played by myself. Watching you and baba and dido play and laugh and joke... it's wonderful.<br />
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This weekend we had special "daddy-daughter" date and "mommy-maddy" date (alliteration FTW). You and your dad watch Cinderella. You were not as taken with it as you were Frozen. And for us Maddy? We did... errands. Went to get a few things at Superstore, then to Toys R Us (for shopkins) and then for a hair cut. But you LOVED the individual time and were devastated that your parent-kiddo dates were DONE. "And they will NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN". Um... no. Just not on a school day!<br />
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Every time we say no, it becomes an absolute.<br />
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Can I have milk? No. I will never get milk AGAIN!?<br />
Can I get a toy? No. I WILL NEVER GET A TOY AGAIN!??<br />
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No. Maddy. Not what was said. <sigh></sigh><br />
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You're also at the place where you are testing yourself physically. You run away from us, you hide. And when you do that I try to keep my eye on you but still move from where you expect me to be. And I watch you run and stretch those ties to us. Then stop, and look where I was for reassurance. I want you to know that I can more too - that if you run too far I may not be in your line of sight. I watch your face become uncertain... I watch you look for me. But only for a second, then mama is back and with you and holding your hand and making sure you understand you need to stay close.<br />
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But Maddy, you are loved. You are adored and cared for and encouraged and provide boundaries with elastic borders and... you are just plain old loved.<br />
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Love,<br />
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Mama<br />
<br />Wendyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08749346556126400235noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3653627898211677898.post-42660856496369372942015-01-29T10:03:00.000-08:002015-01-29T14:31:38.617-08:00Month 60My dearest Maddy,<br />
<br />
You are FIVE YEARS OLD. An amazing and wonderful and filled with righteous indignation ATTITUDE five.<br />
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It's been a looong time since I have updated anything. This may be long, it will be disjointed, it will be "quick takes". And this will also not be another commitment to write more. Because I hate lying.<br />
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About a year ago with worked with you, Maddy, on you "th" sound. So it's TH-ree not F-ree. You picked it up so quickly! Although, you took the change too far... while we have been able to, for the most part, correct your pronunciation you insists on TH-inger. Not finger.<br />
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"Mom! My thinger hurts! I have a cut on it".<br />
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And now it seems perfectly normal, this adorable mispronunciation. Another favourite is your version of duplicate. TWO-plicate.<br />
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"Mommy! This is a two-plicate toy, to one I have! They are TWINS".<br />
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And, yes, we have tried to correct you. And, yes, stubborn Maddy is stubborn. And that is completely perfect, just the way you are. Now feels the time the elaborate on the many ways you can be stubborn. Determined? Spirited? Confident? Any or all of those.<br />
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You were four-AND-A-HALF until the day you turned 5. I foolishly made a big deal of you being four-and-a-half during the summer, in an attempt to get you to take more responsibility around the house. And you sort of fell for that. Although up until the end, you were not FOUR. You were FOUR-AND-A-HALF. But you are helping a little more around the house! You can make your bed, you are starting to dress yourself (although I have to be there to remind you to stay on task and not drift away to do something that caught your attention), you sometimes help tidy the house. We need to add more though... Can I get you to start washing dishes? Both your dad and I are pretty sick of doing it ourselves. We seem to use changes in age as markers to change behaviour. Turning 5? You will no longer get a popsicle for... potty. This has been hanging around since you were just over 3, and we potty trained you. And had to bribe you... and it's DONE. Although we have popsicles left, which are now desserts... and not really reducing your sugar intake. Oh the humanity!<br />
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But the real you is coming out more and more. You like leggings, not jeans. You wanted your hair short, like mine. You decided you were finished with dance on Saturdays and instead want to play games with mommy and daddy, and watch movies and have fun. Ok then... done! You don't want to be an astronaut anymore (my influence) but a "vet, pediatrician, baker and a singer". never one thing - always the world. You knew exactly what you wanted for your birthday party (Frozen theme). And that you would decorate your cupcakes for the party yourself (which you did).<br />
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You also decided that you will have a baby brother. When you are 7, he'll be here. Sadly (for you) mommy and daddy are pretty committed to ONE AND DONE. When I probed, and asked his name you said "BLUE... no. Max. MAX!". And still, even after getting a name? Nope. No more. Although apparently you want three kids! Thlora (the girl), Atasha (a boy) and Patricia (another boy). Three kids. All with very unique names!<br />
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And you are loving crafts and drawing! And you are getting quite good. We went from random scribbles to actual people. I think it's partly peer pressure. You made a comment about the one little girl in the preschool program that scribbles still and kids comment... And then you stopped. As a kid I loved art and drawing, so it's wonderful to see you love it too! You also tell stories about how you are being teased for sucking your thumb and are trying to stop (but if you are really upset or really tired you can't help yourself). Peer pressure. Already.<br />
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But luckily your best friend is an AWESOME little girl, Kiki. You are both about the same height, similar interests. And same assertive bossiness. I am not sure how THAT works - but it does. I think it's because if you want to do something, and she doesn't, you go your separate ways and play independently. And then play together later! Two only kids... I just wish you and Kiki lived closer together - she's quite far away. Kiki won't be at your school next year, so we'll see who your best friend will be then.<br />
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Next year. THIS year. September 2015. KINDERGARTEN! Luckily we can keep you at your existing daycare for before and after school care. Yay! I love the staff there, and they love you too. And I am super glad we waited to put you in. We could have, this year, but you will be older and more mature in September. I think you would have been able to do it, academically, but socially? Why rush it. Maybe in grade 1 we'll transition you to the before and after school care there, so you can be with your friends. But this year will work with the same place.<br />
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And now the challenges. There are a few! Attitude. OH SO MUCH ATTITUDE. Any request? Met with "UGH! FI-I-I-I-INE". And a huff. Or scrunched up face. Like anything at all is a complete imposition. Or even more fun? You ignore our repeated requests until we speak firmly to you. THEN you attitude. Or burst in to tears because we "hurt your feelings". Oh the feelings. So many feelings! And not sarcastically. You have such a soft and tender side. Feelings easily hurt, anxieties and worries starting. So sad if you think someone laughed at you. Bad dreams still happen almost nightly. We have significant routines to protect you from Noms (still around!) and nightmares. Although most mornings I am greeted with an announcement of "Mom! I heard a bad dream last night..." and then what it was. Being chased? Being laughed at? Noms? Things happening that is not expected. Every morning I listen and hug you and kiss you. And every night we try to prevent them with the moon night light, Nom traps (pieces of paper around the vent, where Noms come) and a special no-Nom vent cover and night lights you sleep with, that snuggle under the cover with you (you must fall asleep under the covers, often pushing yourself out after you fall asleep, a small sweaty being emerging from your blanket cocoon). Also, you are in a significant mommy phase. Mommy puts you to bed, mommy to help you, mommy hugs. Mommy. And sometimes it's draining, when I need a moment to myself. But mostly I am going to take every single second of time with you while I can.<br />
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Because you are my favourite. Ever was, ever will be.<br />
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I love you Nunu<br />
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--mommy<br />
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<br />Wendyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08749346556126400235noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3653627898211677898.post-53524904130050408612014-05-09T20:52:00.000-07:002014-05-09T20:52:04.280-07:00Month 51Dear Maddy,<br />
<br />
So late. So, so late. So sorry? You are 51 months old! And every month is more and more awesome.<br />
<br />
Your crazy, crazy mom has done her research and picked you kindergarten school. For September.<br />
<br />
2015.<br />
<br />
But I wanted to do research on the schools early, then have the chance to check then 2 years in a row... We'll go to again next year. But we made the choice! I am a little in love with the kindergarten teacher. She is amazing! But it's tough, I wanted to choose another school (it was so much closer). But when you walk in, you know. And I knew. There was a time when I considered moving before Maddy was in school, but I think I am part of this neighbourhood. We're making friends, we're getting to know neighbours, we love the school... and the thought of moving makes me weep. So much STUFF we have. So many boxes... Plus, this is home. <br />
<br />
About you Maddy. You started soccer this week! And it was adorable! This was your first time playing soccer, and you were insistent on carrying the ball in your hand. And there was a LOT more running than you are used to... but you had a blast! About about 35 you were in a little playing a little game, and you got TIRED. You sat on the field dejectedly. Coach sent you to the side for water. I told you that water? I soccer? Was MAGIC and would cure everything. You drank hungrily.<br />
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In my (sometimes lacking) sense of humour I thought of soccer games, when the limping and grimacing man splashes a little water and is fine, when I said that. But you, your 51 month old you, believed me. You drank deeply and ran back out. About 2 minutes later you huffed and puffed your way back to me and sicnerely said<br />
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"Mommy, I think the water is BROKEN. I am still TIRED"<br />
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Oops.<br />
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But you loved soccer. And still love swimming. Although dance is less interesting... This summer you will get to choose two. Not three, that is too much (for me). Although you are getting the whole family more active. Last weekend we went on two "walks" (where you ran at a dead sprint the entire time). And tonight we went out and all four of us played a rousing game of soccer. Even Walter was in on it (and is now exhausted). And you are better than you were! Plus, it's good for all of us to be more active. Because of you, my love.<br />
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Well, one of the walks we went on last weekend was half walk, half BIKE RIDE! You got your first new bike! The Sparkler! It's purple and white. And you love it! Your helmet? It's a women's helmet. Remember, 51 months is just over 4 years old. Women's helmet. Yup.<br />
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Women's.<br />
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Ouch.<br />
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But since your last month-day we celebrated Easter! Many egg hunts were to be had. At aunty Kathleen's. At daycare. Then at Fort Edmonton Park. And then at home... It was a lot of egg hunts. And Maddy loved every single one! There was such real and genuine joy in every single one. Every one. And I think that is my favourite part of 51 months. The pure and real joy and laughter in everything you do.<br />
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Even ice cream.<br />
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Happy 51 months, my beauty, my love, my so smart girl.<br />
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I love you,<br />
<br />
--mommy<br />
<br />Wendyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08749346556126400235noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3653627898211677898.post-25903429447729030652014-03-31T22:33:00.000-07:002014-03-31T22:33:00.331-07:00Month 50Maddy!<br />
<br />
Only 5 days late... NOT BAD! Happy 50 months my Maddy.<br />
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What can we say about you this month? You are FIRMLY into the "Why" phase. EVERYTHING is questioned. Absolutely. Everything. Your dad and I are both trying to calmly answer questions and encourage your learning. Well, except when you deliberately troll us. Which you do! THEN we laugh at you.<br />
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And I am apparently firmly into the caps lock phase. I hope both of us grow out of this soon. For everyone's sake.<br />
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This is starting to fade, but another phase you have been in is the Randy the Macho Man Savage phase (aka the phase where you don't say "Yes" you say "ooooh yeeeah").<br />
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Do you want milk? Ooooh yeeeah.<br />
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Are you hungry? Ooooh yeeeah.<br />
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Do you love your mommy? Ooooh yeeeah.<br />
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Do I love this phase? Ooooh yeeeah<br />
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You also do not admit to not knowing anything. Instead of "I don't know" we get a very first consonant heavy "WHat?"<br />
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Maddy, why are you crying? WHat?<br />
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Maddy, what does this word say? WHat?<br />
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Maddy, why do we sleep? WHat?<br />
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Do I also love this phase? Ooooh yeeeah.<br />
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And we're also very deliberate in avoiding swearing in front of her. She's picking up on the swearing timing, but thankfully isn't actually cursing. Yet. We get "What THE?" in place of generic swear word. Adorable, more appropriate and a sign that we're doing well with the swearing avoidance.<br />
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This month we went and looked at your 2 options for school in the neighbourhood. There is one I liked logically. Then there is the one I walked into, that felt great and clean and I adored the teachers and principal and was light and happy. Despite firmly committing to keep you in preschool for one more year (you'll start September 2015) I know which school I like. You father thinks I am a bit nuts for looking so soon, but I wanted to see the difference between 2 years in terms of teach and principal continuity and... feel. Next year, my baby girl, you will be in kindergarten! And you are already excited for your new school.<br />
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This month we also signed you up for continued swimming lessons (4&5 beginner) and continued dance class and now also soccer! 6 weeks, outdoor and you already have to miss one week (we'll be out of town). I definitely don't want to over program you, but I also know how important being active is and how sedentary your father and I are. Our evenings consist of dinner, clean up then sitting and watching videos on the computer or TV as you sit. With us. I am vowing (when it warms up) to get more active and pull you along with me, Maddy. But in case this fails (again) I want there to be more activity in your world.<br />
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And a last rambling tidbit, before I say good night. Noms. Noms have been a part of our life for many years. They are your monsters. They come out of the furnace vent at night. There is a special spray we must spray on the furnace to prevent them from coming out. When they die their tongues stick out. One looks like Mr. Grouper. Yes, from Bubble Guppies. Mr. Grouper Nom.<br />
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Noms.<br />
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Your imaginary monsters. Which we have vowed over and over to protect you from. And from all the monsters, real or imaginary, we vow to protect you from them all, for as long as you will let us. We love you so much Maddy. When you are trolling or stubborn. When you are funny and sweet. Sleeping and awake. We love you. Just for who you are.<br />
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Happy 50 months on earth, my big girl.<br />
<br />
--mommy<br />
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<br />Wendyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08749346556126400235noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3653627898211677898.post-45863403560035107502014-03-04T21:21:00.000-08:002014-03-04T21:21:00.041-08:00Month49Maddy!<br />
<br />
Oh. Maddy. I am not sure this is the right day to be blogging about you. And how amazing (and exasperating) you are.. Time for the REAL.<br />
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You are having a boundaries pushing day. Every boundary. Pushed. And pushed. And pushed.<br />
<br />
Started off on an adorable note, this morning. When asked how your sleep was, you responded:<br />
<br />
"Good! I slept 10 inches!"<br />
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See? Adorable! Then breakfast.<br />
<br />
You had toast and oranges and a glass of milk, in an open top plastic glass (feeble attempt at foreshadowing, note the glass). We park you at the dining room table, with your LeapPad, where you slowly eat and play on your tablet. You have the attention span of... a 4 year old. Naturally. The LeapPad keeps you at the table (instead of getting distracted and wandering off) and gives me a chance to get ready while getting the most food we can into you. After about 15 minutes of eating, I came back to the dining room, to give you the one minute warning - one minute and breakfast is done and we will get you dressed. You then asked for a sippy cup, for your milk. I said no. There was one minute left, plus you are a big girl and you don't need one. I walked back out of the room. Two steps out the door and I hear:<br />
<br />
"Mooom! My miwk SPILLED".<br />
<br />
I walked back in. Milk all over the table, dripping on the floor. And the cup sitting upright in the centre of the milk.<br />
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"Maddy. Did you intentionally SPILL YOUR MILK??!"<br />
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"Mommy, if I had a sippy cup it wouldn't have spilled".<br />
<br />
...<br />
<br />
<br />
Um... WHAT?! Did you really just... MADDY! I fought back the shocked laughter and we had a serious talk about how we do NOT spill our milk. And now help me clean this up, child. I am not sure you expected to be reprimanded. There were a few tears.<br />
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And then the usual litany of "Maddy. Please, stand still. You need to put on clothes. Well, then you pick out your clothes, if you don't want to wear this. Maddy! Which shirt? You need pants. No, those are pjs. Maddy, if you stay still your hair won't get pulled as I brush it. Maddy, put your coat on. Maddy. Coat. Maddy, yes, those toys are awesome. YOUR COAT. Look me in the eyes, look at me. Maddy, I need you to pay attention. Get your coat. Thank you! Yes, you are such a big girl for putting it on yourself!! Maddy, stay still. I need to zip it up. Madeline. PLEASE STOP MOVING."<br />
<br />
You know. The morning.<br />
<br />
The evening? We were having dinner. You were sticking your tongue out with food on it. Not paying attention. Dancing around your seat. Refusing to eat what was on your plate. Finally, after many requests, your father pointed his finger at you and asked for your attention.<br />
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You look him in the eye. Smiled. And tapped his finger with your spoon.<br />
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<sputter></sputter><br />
<br />
HOW DO PARENTS KEEP A STRAIGHT FACE?<br />
<br />
Later that evening, you wandered into the pantry and grabbed a snack. Even though we have told you, you must ask before taking.<br />
<br />
You put the opened and half eaten raisins on table, looked up at me with angelic eyes and said:<br />
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"Mommy, can I pweeeease have a snack?"<br />
<br />
Learning it's better to ask for forgiveness than permission... already. I told you next time you take without asking I will throw that food in the garbage. I expect to do so tonight.<br />
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Then brushing teeth, with your dad. You insisted on having the glass that you use to rinse your mouth on the sink before starting. Your dad asked you to start brushing your teeth, then he'd get it from the other room. You refused until the cup came. Pouted and huffed and threw toys. Then yourself to the floor when you weren't allowed to get your way. Which ended in you being carried out of the bathroom bawling and kicking.<br />
<br />
And that was today. Seriously. No literary exaggeration.<br />
<br />
But you are still so sweet and wonderful and funny and smart. Yes, challenging. But more importantly, just plain ole awesome. Even when pushing boundaries you make us laugh and smile. And your intelligence and problem solving is something you need to be proud of. We are exasperated, but proud too. We love you endlessly Maddy. Endlessly and always and forever, just the way you are.<br />
<br />
Happy 49 months, my love!<br />
<br />
--mom<br />
<br />
<br />
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<br />Wendyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08749346556126400235noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3653627898211677898.post-65607237213661576802014-01-28T21:17:00.000-08:002014-01-28T21:17:00.739-08:00Month 48 (aka Four years. ALREADY!?)Maddy!<br />
<br />
You are now 4 magical years old! Saturday we had your birthday party at a facility in Sherwood Park. It was PERFECT. You ran and ran and climbed and played for 2 hours with your friends. And then there were cupcakes and signing happy birthday and gifts. And then a a few more minutes of play. The out of there for the next party! I like that - definite start and end times for parties, and someone else to do the clean up.<br />
<br />
Sunday morning, your actually birthday, we tried to sing you happy birthday. And immediately your hand was up and you were commanding we stop.<br />
<br />
"You sang that YESTERDAY" in your most exasperated voice.<br />
<br />
Well, ok then! We had dance class (where you got a necklace from Ms. Jeannie) and the grocery shopping (where you got a PILE of goodies from the grocery store!) and dinner at baba and dido's. With a mountain of toys there! And an ice cream cake, as requested.<br />
<br />
At the end of it all, I asked you what was your favourite part. The gifts? The cupcakes? The ice cream cake? No, it was playing with your friends from daycare. Not the kids of mommy's friends. YOUR friends. And so thank you Jack and Evan and Bailee for making Maddy's 4th birthday amazing.<br />
<br />
I was like Maddy as a kid. I wanted my friends over all the time, always a friend over to play. I'd beg them to be allowed to stay a few minutes longer. A sleepover. Anything to have company. Neil was not this kind of only child. He was content alone. At least we have experience with the 2 extremes.<br />
<br />
I see many play dates in our future.<br />
<br />
And now that you are 4, we are going to get you a "big girl" twin bed! You are still on your very very firm crib mattress. Which can't be comfy. And there is barely room for you in the bed, with all your stuffies in there too. And sometimes? I just want to snuggle. So twin bed it is!<br />
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Your imagination is remarkable my dear! One evening, as you were falling asleep, you must have had a little dream and woke up in tears. There were balls of light coming out of your red IKEA table and they flew around your head and went into your belly and now your belly hurts. You were so upset!? Your amazing daddy took the offending table out of your room (it has not been allowed back in since) and now there is even more room for your big girl bed. And every morning we get to hear about your dreams the night before/. For a long time, it was all about the bad dreams. Now we count how many good ones and bad ones you had. But the details? Only the bad ones. Humans and interesting animals.<br />
<br />
Yesterday you went to the doctor. for your 4 year check up. As soon as Dr. Chambers came in, you began telling your stories and gesturing emphatically to get your point across. That you were just there for the EAR DOCTOR and now he was the TUMMY DOCTOR and how it was your BIRTHDAY. The doctor smiled, leaned over to me and said quietly "I see a BFA in her future". So. Much. PERSONALITY.<br />
<br />
But you are in perfect health! 3'4" tall, almost 43 pounds. So still 90th percentile for weight, 80th for height. Same as you have been almost from the start! Although even at age 4, there are the comparisons starting, with the sly allusions to height and weight and the desirability of skinny (with tall and skinny for boys, short and skinny for girls). Oh Maddy, what is this world you were born in to!<br />
<br />
Although I have to admit, looking at pics from your birthday, I was immediately drawn to my waist and the extra there and immediately found myself failing. Not the joy on my face, at my daughter's birthday or the sense of tired accomplishment that it was going well (despite the fact I have been fighting something for months and months). Nope. Not even the joy on YOUR face Maddy, as you had so much fun at your birthday! My waist. And arms. And chin... And how I wasn't good enough. And these thoughts even when I am actively working to stop them.<br />
<br />
What is this world we live in?<br />
<br />
Well, my love. My four year old love. My big girl! Time to shut this old laptop off and get to bed, as I try to fight off this pestilence that has invaded me to the core (yes, that was dramatic. I can like the drama too!)<br />
<br />
I love you. We all love you. Happy 4th birthday my big girl.<br />
<br />
--mommyWendyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08749346556126400235noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3653627898211677898.post-41675983017554357992014-01-08T22:00:00.000-08:002014-01-08T22:00:02.866-08:00Month.. Oh man. A lot...Well, I have failed at even once a month blogging! There is a long list of reminders in my inbox saying "Maddy letter dumbass!" (dumbass mine). And I see it. And I even add it to my list of things to do. And I don't. Why do I resist?<br />
<br />
Who knows.<br />
<br />
There is SO. MUCH. AWESOME. in our lives. Maddy is amazing and hilarious and so so smart and wonderful. And daily Neil and I laugh or cringe or are shocked by something she says or does. And I want to remember this all. I post pithy little Facebook updates, and maybe that could be enough. But I think I want more context. One of my 2014 resolutions is to... (you guessed it) BLOG MORE. And over a week into this, I am only just starting.<br />
<br />
There are some really really old examples of her awesomeness that I saved in Google Keep (love that program - electronic sticky notes). One night, in July or so, as I was putting her to bed, I snuggled her tightly as we laid on her floor. Then I pretended to be fast asleep, with over the top snoring and everything. Maddy kept squirming and trying to get out, calling out "MOMMY! WAKE UP MOMMY!". I ignored her demands to wake up and stole the snuggles. She stopped moving... she was thinking...<br />
<br />
"COCKADOODLE-DOOOOO Mommy!"<br />
<br />
She couldn't wake me, so the rooster would! I started laughing, ruining the snoring and let her go. And then stared and my 3 and a half year old, in awe of her problem solving. Her voice wouldn't wake me, so what does wake people? ROOSTERS! Oh Maddy, you'll have us on our toes for years and years to come.<br />
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(Just a picture from a playdate that I adore. This post needed more pictures!)</div>
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This was the first year Maddy went trick or treating, and understood it. And it was SO MUCH FUN. She dressed up, we walked and walked (and collected reams of candy). She was so polite walking up to houses, holding my hand. The first time I stood back to take a picture (below) is the first (but not last!) house with a motion activated scream machine. If you look closely in the picture you can see Maddy looking sharply to the right, as the machine starting cackling. Oy! I ran up the her immediately and was much more careful staying by her side. And holding her for a few other houses with motion detection machines.<br />
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After it was all done, we were snuggling in bed and talking about trick or treating. She loved the candy, the visiting. I praised her for being brave with some of the moving decorations. She said she wasn't brave, she was scared.<br />
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"Maddy, being brave means still doing what you want to, even if you are sacred. And mommy is so proud of you". I always, always am.<br />
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Right now, Maddy is helping with everything. Setting the table, cooking, cleaning... she can do it ALL because she is a "BIG girl now". And we're still trying to accommodate her as much as we can. Cutting the tomatoes? No. But putting the cut tomatoes into the bowl for me? Sure! We can make this helping thing work.<br />
<br />
<br />
Over Christmas Maddy insisted on helping Neil shovel when it was when it was pretty cold out. We found her snowpants, scarf, tuque, gloves, jacket and warm boots. And her little pink shovel. And she was out! Helping Daddy. Well... "helping". She felt it was important to take the snow OFF the banks and put it on the sidewalk. Then when corrected, no snow on the sidewalk, she took the snow off the bank, crossed the sidewalk and put it on the OTHER bank. Where is slowly rolled down and landed... on the sidewalk. But she's trying! And we encourage that.<br />
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<br />
Another way Maddy wanted to prove she was a big girl. On New Years day we decided to go out to our favourite sushi restaurant. Maddy hears my mom and I constantly battle to see who will pay. That day? She ran into the living room, grabbed her little toy piggy bank (in the shape of a "Madelineraptor") and proudly declared SHE would be paying! She carried her piggy bank in to the restaurant and told the waitress (who we know well) that she would pay. Rhea looked at us, and we quietly indicated we'd cover the rest. And after dinner, Maddy proudly carried her 45 cents to pay for dinner. And we proudly finished off the bill.<br />
<br />
Over Christmas Maddy was home with us when daycare was closed. We tried to get her out of the house, activities and visiting. And even tried to arrange a playdate at our place (although it never happened). But there was a lot of "booooooooored" and "I want you to PLAY with me!" over the days. Espousing the virtue of independent play was not going over very well... Finally on December 30 we could take Maddy in for the day! Despite us both being home, we knew she would love the time with her friends. She walked in to little girls screaming her name. Maddy hugged each little girl so tightly and exclaimed "I MISSED YOU GUYS!" and was off. She has reached that socialization place - her friends are so important to her. And they will continue to grow in importance (as we, the parents, diminish). And that is perfectly ok :)<br />
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(A picture from a friend's birthday party)</div>
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Maddy is also showing great interest in music. Neil is in a band (awesome band) and Maddy has been having fun "practicing" with him. She'd play the Rock Band game drums as he played bass. For Christmas I asked her if she wanted a drum or guitar, so she could play along with Daddy. She looked at me, with a puzzled expression and said<br />
<br />
"A bass, mommy"<br />
<br />
Well. A child's toy bass has not yet been invented! So she got a toy pink guitar, which she affectionately calls her bass. And it's obnoxiously loud. And she loves it!<br />
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(Maddy, practicing with Daddy, back in the summer)</div>
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Being a mom is often collecting wisdom from friends. One dear friend was explaining how in her house she's taught her daughter there are no secrets, only surprises. The reason for this is dark, if there is anything inappropriate happening, and someone tells Maddy that what is happenign is a "secret" that she can't tell mommy or daddy... well. There are no secrets in our house. But it's hard to give up that vocal tic. </div>
<br />
A few days a ago we were sitting around. Maddy and Daddy were on the couch together, watching something on the computer I think. Maddy was being her usual awesome self and I was struck with how much I love her. I said aloud "Maddy, can I tell you a secret?". She stopped, thought and said "But we have no secrets mommy". Oh Maddy! You are right, I was wrong. There are no secrets. As I try to teach you, you reflect it back at me and make me look at life anew.<br />
<br />
Parenting is not about saying the right thing, always. It's about modelling the right thing, as often as you can. And when you see something positive and confident reflected back at you, in your child's eyes and actions, you know that despite the mistakes you are doing ok. There will be secrets, one day. There will be lies and hurt feelings. We will be so irrelevant... and as long as we give her a solid foundation to act from, she'll be ok. So far, so good. We have an amazing little girl in our house.<br />
<br />
<br />
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<br />Wendyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08749346556126400235noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3653627898211677898.post-49792025339369049142013-08-06T21:41:00.001-07:002013-08-06T21:51:12.992-07:00Month Forty-One. And Forty-Two. Dearest Maddy,<br />
<br />
I have heard "them" say with children the days are long but the years are short. Which kind of explains what happened these months... I have a LIST of things to write on about you. Each could be it's own post! Oh Maddy, I know I am going to regret not writing more and saving these moments.<br />
<br />
You, right now, are forty-two and a half months old. And ill. You, my love, have a summer cold. And this weekend you have been whiny and grumpy and not eating much. With intermittent fevers. So I sent you to daycare today... and... Well. Yah. They sent you home. And you got to spend the day hanging out with Daddy! I am thinking tomorrow will be another day at home. This time with me. And we'll make it a magical day of videos and snuggling.<br />
<br />
One fun thing we started doing is naming all the people you love. Mommy. Daddy. Baba. Dido. Walter. And Maddy. Maddy, you love Maddy.<br />
<br />
And you LAUGHED.<br />
<br />
And I realized how weird it is to think of loving yourself. I was in my mid-twenties before someone made me think to love yourself. And we're trying to teach you that now. Now, you can say with confidence that you love Maddy. For some reason I think that will matter...<br />
<br />
Taking this somewhere else, last time I wrote it was about potty training. And you? Are POTTY TRAINED! It took 4 weeks. 4 looong weeks of washing panties. And then? You pooed on the potty. Of COURSE it was a Sunday night. After Target was closed. So we promised the next day, after daycare, we would go to Target. After buying the stroller. And cart. And other things we needed. $75 later. A $75 poo. And? WORTH EVERY PENNY. You have been so so so great since. Maddy, you have fears about your abilities in the beginning. You aren't sure you can do something... then you do it. And once you do it once, you have all the confidence in the world.<br />
<br />
You are on the verge of reading. And then you get scared... and you say you can't. But you will. Once that happens you will be unstoppable. And then we're going to have to figure out a new way to secretly communicate, instead of spelling things out. Because Maddy. It's all we have. You are SMART. We used to use reverse psychology to get you to do things. Not anymore. And you see things, get things, understand things. A new book on the shelf? You notice. I hang the curtains again, after having windows replaced? You notice (your dad did not). <br />
<br />
Although the other thing you started, that shows your smarts (and scares us) is...<br />
<br />
Lying.<br />
<br />
Yes, at THREE you have started lying. When you poo, you get a popsicle. It's one I make myself, made with yogurt. But a popsicle for every poo. And the other night, you went into the bathroom and second later announced a poo. And you deserved a popsicle. We questioned the speed of pooing. And lack of flush, wiping or... you know. TIME. And you asserted, you did poo. We looked. No poo. You caved. But it isn't going to take you long to get the subtlies of lying. Then we're screwed.<br />
<br />
But you are still so eager to help. So happy to be part of it all. So wonderful... So amazing. So three and a half. So perfect. So everything to us. Maddy, I am not sure we will ever be able to make you understand how much we love you. But we do. Totally. Completely. Always. For exactly who you are. All bossy, lying, stubborn, whiny three you are. Everything.<br />
<br />
Always.<br />
<br />
Love,<br />
<br />
MamaWendyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08749346556126400235noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3653627898211677898.post-34657463046708250072013-05-27T21:00:00.001-07:002013-05-27T21:00:54.696-07:00Month FortyOh my love,<br />
<br />
This month? This month we started potty training you. We got rid of the highchair. And this is also the month you started acting oh so perfectly three. <br />
<br />
First? Potty training. We started on Saturday May 18th. This first day? 11 pair of wet panties. 3 pees on the potty. And even one poo! Sunday was better with the peeing. Monday was so great! We took you out, you peed on potties out in public. Tuesday at daycare was... not good. But since Wednesday you have been so good with peeing on the potty! Some leaking in the evenings, I think your pelvic floor is tiring by the end of the day. But so so so good! Notice I stopped mentioning poo? Oh Maddy. This is where the struggle started. You have not pooed on the potty since Saturday. You are deathly terrified on pooing on the potty.<br />
<br />
"Luckily" you are willing to poo in your pants. Twice a day at home (not as often at daycare). Tonight we tried to intercept your pants activity. Now I am just convinced you are constipated. And a doctor's visit is in your future. We are trying to talk you through it. Bribe you. Model for you. Hold you, to comfort your fears. Anything to convince you to poo on the potty. ANYTHING. It's been a struggle. Right now our big trump card is we'll buy you a stroller AND a shopping cart from Target IF you poo in the potty. Your face will contort in PURE JOY at the thought of these toys. But no poo on the potty.<br />
<br />
And we've already started trying to figure out what we'll have to do for poo number two...<br />
<br />
Something easier! Highchair. We told you it went back home, to its mommy. You asked for it to come back a few times. We said it couldn't. And then you choose your spot. And have switched it around a few times... And now have taken your dad's former spot as your own. And it's awesome to have that space back!<br />
<br />
And being three. I read a quote somewhere that all three year olds are assholes. This. THIS! You are willful and stubborn and have absolutely no attention span at all. Your little brain is always going in 100 different directions, 99 of them not what I need you to do. Of those 99, 75 of them are at least somewhat dangerous. And then when we ask you to stop walking backwards down the stairs while holding on to the rail like you are "pulling yourself down"? And then you lose your mind like we rammed bamboo under your fingernails when we ask you to stop? This. Or when you have to be physically restrained and carried into the bath, since you have developed an irrational fear of being sucked down the drain? And we cannot convince you that you are safe? And after potty training, and accidents and playing outside we HAVE to bathe you? This.<br />
<br />
THIS.<br />
<br />
But then there are beautiful moments. Moments where you help with things around the house. Offer to help us clean up. Show your manners. Set up elaborate tea parties for us. Tell jokes. Hug with 100% of your being. Laugh from your toes at our bad jokes. This is what really matters, this is what being your mom means. This is everything good about more than outweighs your three-ness.<br />
<br />
I see your inner self, Maddy. And she is amazing and wonderful and loving and sweet and kind. And I am so lucky to get to try find the patience for those moments when the three comes out. Because on the other side it is... amazing.<br />
<br />
Love always,<br />
<br />
--mom<br />
<br />
<br />Wendyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08749346556126400235noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3653627898211677898.post-42565037258042508602013-04-30T21:39:00.000-07:002013-04-30T21:39:00.639-07:00Month Thirty-NineDearest Maddy,<br />
<br />
Oh what to write! I am already days late...<br />
<br />
You continue to be awesome. You are still doing well in preschool, love the activities there. Favourites right now are still going to the gym to kick a ball and "puzzleds". And making objects with these... shape magnets. Google to the rescue! <a href="http://www.magformersworld.com/Product/product_menu_01.asp">Magformers</a>. You LOVE them.<br />
<br />
You have also started sounding out letters. You learned this from youtube, I think, but will go "P- P- P- PIG. Starts with P". You actually have yet to be stumped... And we taught you "SH" too (shampoo, shovel). You really are showing great interest in reading. I see you reading before kindergarten, for certain.<br />
<br />
Things you have NO interest in. Potty training. And giving up your high chair. This weekend I think we're going to hide your high chair and get you at the table. I am not predicting it'll be smooth. And the long weekend in May we'll try potty training. Will it work? Um... If it isn't happening we won't push. But we'll try...<br />
<br />
You are taking a dance class on Sundays. An unparented dance class. You, off by yourself. Listening to the instructor, interacting with other kids. While I watched (the first week). And now they shut the door... But the first week you were doing so well! You listened, sometimes. And followed along, sometimes. And then when you didn't want to listen, you were perfectly content to do your own thing. And we see that in preschool too. You are completely ok with wandering off to do your own thing. Many days I'll come by and all the other kids are happily doing a group activity. And then there is you, playing by yourself. Playing with toys, or Magformers, or books. Off doing your own thing.<br />
<br />
This has also extended to you going downstairs to play by yourself, without supervision. You can turn on the TV by yourself and you have fun! Yesterday I asked you to come up from the basement to set the table. You came all the way to the kitchen to let me know that you were busy cooking downstairs and you couldn't set the table. Then you happily went back down. I think I should have insisted that you set the table. But I was just a little in shock... at how BIG you seemed. When dinner was ready I called to you, expecting a fight to get you up. But nope, you came upstairs with a plate, knife and fork. And plush grapes and banana, ready to eat.<br />
<br />
Your independence. Your ability to be alone, play alone. You don't seem to be a follower (yet). Will this last? Are you just a little slower socially compared to your size and language. You have not yet made the switch from preferring to interact with adults to kids your age. When that happens, will you be more prone to peer pressure?<br />
<br />
The future looms large... Who knows what time will bring. But who you are now? That person is awesome. We are so proud of you, so in love with who you are, so honoured to be your parents.<br />
<br />
We love you, Maddoosh. <br />
<br />
Mommy<br />
<br />
<br />Wendyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08749346556126400235noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3653627898211677898.post-48646841496090937832013-04-08T22:21:00.000-07:002013-04-08T22:21:01.136-07:00Who's in Preschool?!! Last Tuesday, April 2, I took Maddy to daycare and as we were walking into the toddler room, staff let me know that Maddy? She's in preschool now, in the big kid room.<br />
<br />
Blink.<br />
<br />
BLINK.<br />
<br />
Sometimes Maddy doesn't deal with unexpected change well. She likes to KNOW something is coming, then deny it will happen, grump... then accept. And this was a surprise to us all.<br />
<br />
I knelt down, and let Maddy know that she has been moved to the big kid room, and her cubby would be there. And the reaction?<br />
<br />
JOY!<br />
<br />
She ran into the room, was shown her cubby and she stood there in front of it, guarding it. Then she looked around the room, HER NEW ROOM, and immediately was ready to play! I tried for some pictures, while a few tears filled my eyes. But she was having none of it. She raced to the puzzles, grabbed one, and was putting it together (and ignoring me) within seconds.<br />
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Blink. *tear* Blink.<br />
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I spoke to the staff about the change. She would be sent to the other room if there were any issues. She's be napping in the toddler room too. They would work with her to make the transition easier, but they expected it to be smooth.<br />
<br />
And almost a week later? It's been amazing. Maddy is so proud of the her cubby in the big kid room. So proud of the arts and crafts she's doing. So HAPPY to be in preschool! And her language is blossoming. Her ideas and imagination are growing. But her poor little head is FULL. She's so much sleepier right now, needing full 2 hour naps plus early bedtimes. But, really, there is so much more to digest for her. So much more her brain needs to understand and sort and compartmentalize.<br />
<br />
On Saturday we tried to wake her early from a nap to go do errands. She sat up in bed and looked still spent. We got her dressed and were talking and trying to wake her. She asked for a glass of water, then laid down again. I handed her the water and was giving her instructions to sit up when she threw half the glass of water on her face. Well, that should wake her! Nope. She drank the other half, laid down, sucked her thumb and closed her eyes. I headed off to do errands alone and one hour later she woke happy and ready to rumble again.<br />
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On top of loving preschool, Maddy is also apparently interested in writing letters. As in, I mean SHE WROTE REAL ACTUAL LEGIBLE LETTERS.<br />
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Wait. WHAT THE WHAT!?<br />
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I still have such a hard time believing it was her. She has weaker fine motor skills and never draws anything more than random squiggles. But the staff swear she did these herself.<br />
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Blink. Blink.<br />
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The "A" and "L" are most legible. The other blue ones are a "V" and and "S" and the one right by the "A" is a "U". Um...<br />
<br />
So there is our week in a nutshell.<br />
<br />
Blink.Wendyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08749346556126400235noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3653627898211677898.post-86982220932825433692013-03-26T23:03:00.000-07:002013-03-26T23:03:00.629-07:00Month Thirty-EightDear Maddy,<br />
<br />
I have spectacularly failed at blogging more. Although every single day you do something amazing, that I want to just capture and hold on to forever.<br />
<br />
You still like to help set the table (and will have a fit if I do it without you). I plan on taking advantage of this while I can. Although yesterday when I asked your help you calmly responded "No, mommy". Um... yes, Maddy. Yes. And you did help. You went to the dentist for the first time ever, and did smashing. You were not impressed with the drills (you really hate all loud noises) but were great with everything else. You have 20 teeth, and they all look good. We also FINALLY can put you into more than 2 pairs of shoes. Although shoes have to be pink. Or purple. Because those is your favorite colours. Apparently, according to you, they are my favorite colours too (they are not, I don't really have a favorite but am quite partial to green). Although at the dentist you insisted on getting a blue and green tooth brush. I dunno...<br />
<br />
This morning you were taking FOREVER to eat breakfast. And I did not want to be late for my new job (which I am LOVING SO HARD) so I rushed you. You wanted more milk. I said no. You lost your mind. Of course, you're three!<br />
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I carried you to your room and started changing you and you grumped and fought and were... three. I finally had enough, snapped and looked you in the face and said "Madeline. That is ENOUGH." And then you started crying in earnest. I broke your little fragile new heart.<br />
<br />
"Oh Mommy, I don't know HOW to stop cwying..."<br />
<br />
Grabbing you in my arms, I said sorry as your arms and legs clamped on to me tightly and you buried your head in my neck. We got you milk, we hugged and soon you were ok again. I got you dressed and we got your barrettes in. Then we started to make our way out the door, when you decided to lecture me...<br />
<br />
"Mommy you awe VEWY GWUMPY. You said NO TO ME!"<br />
<br />
*sigh*<br />
<br />
A theme. You said no to me. Of COURSE we say no to you, Maddy. And I know sometimes you WAAANT to (or don't want to). I understand! However? You cannot always get your way.<br />
<br />
It's such a tenuous dance, life with a three year old. What is a battle worth fighting? What habits are we creating by saying yes? Or no? How much control over their life does a three year old need? When is it ok to back down? When is it not?<br />
<br />
This is also that time when the details of parenting styles start to matter. In the start, when you were young your dad and I had to agree when to feed you, change you... Pretty macro stuff. Now it's 2 people who have the same general goals and ideas (with slightly different implementation plans) trying to always appear as a unified front. Much more micro, much easier to play one against the other. And you already try...<br />
<br />
But one thing we know for sure, we both love you so so so very much. SO much.<br />
<br />
Love,<br />
<br />
--mommy<br />
<br />Wendyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08749346556126400235noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3653627898211677898.post-20009397145174429572013-02-26T21:07:00.000-08:002013-02-26T21:07:00.119-08:00Month Thirty-SevenMy Maddy,<br />
<br />
You are 37 months old today! Although, really, I always just say 3. You are so very very three.<br />
<br />
On Saturdays baba bought you a "music" class. It's a class with about 6 other kids from 18 months to you, all singing and playing with "drums" in the form of upside down bowls and tambourines and, well, anything that moves or makes sounds. And you love your class! Now that you have the routine down. Last Saturday teacher Stephanie asked you to collect something from the class. And... you did. You went around to all the kids, all younger and smaller than you, and gently held out the box. They (often with the help of their parents) placed their toys eggs in the box. And I sat there with moist eyes and glowed. My BIG girl!<br />
<br />
You really are getting to be so "helpful" now. You insist on getting your vitamins every morning. And you often get the milk. You help carry things to the table and back again. You have even taken to helping me cook dinner, by mixing and tasting things. I am trying to remember patience, that even though it's LONGER for you to do something, you are LEARNING as you do. I know very well how to hang my coat and set the table and open the milk. And now it's your turn.<br />
<br />
Yesterday, when we got home, I started making dinner. You were not interested in helping and wandered off to your room. And shut the door. I am trying to already respect your space, and lightly knocked before opening the door. And you were happily playing. I kept checking back, and the last time I found you nestled into your big pink bear, happily playing on your tablet. So much like a teenager... I just shut the door and stood there. Then? Went and got my phone because I all I could think of doing was getting a picture.<br />
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This weekend we tried for a no-nap weekend. Saturday instead of a nap we went off and did errands. And you were reasonably well behaved. Then we got in the car to drive home and you crashed. I can't remember the last time you napped in your car seat... but you were out. Holding on to your Kinder Egg, the toy that brings you the most joy EVAR. As your dad and I sat in the garage, eating a burger, surfing on our phones. </div>
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Then, that evening, we went to Aunty Kaff-leen's. And we let go of the reins just a little more. You, Hannagh, Liam and James went downstairs and played together. As we sat upstairs and drank wine and talked and laughed. And went down to check on you every once in awhile. Because we are loosening the reins, not letting go completely! We didn't leave until 9:10pm. You weren't in bed until 10pm. You were up at 7:20am. We did NOT have no-nap Sunday. You were a complete grump all morning, had a 2 hour nap and then woke up your usual self. </div>
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We are learning. We are learning that the strict routine you once needed is outgrowing you. We are learning that you are ready to take on more challenges. More independence. Later (occasional) bedtimes. We are learning to let go just a little. We are all learning the new challenges associated with three. Three years old. Three people who are part of this crazy family. </div>
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Three. </div>
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One month of three and it's awesome. </div>
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I love you Maddy! </div>
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--mom</div>
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Wendyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08749346556126400235noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3653627898211677898.post-44418485525182484792013-02-07T12:00:00.000-08:002013-02-07T12:00:48.124-08:00Why this started in the first place... This weekend I was cleaning out our bedroom. We have SO MUCH STUFF. And I don't want to have so much stuff. So I was trying to get rid of... stuff. Instead of adding to the "get rid of" pile, I took a few things out. Oops. But I did find a very very old journal. And read a few (horribly embarrassing) pages. And then I remembered why I started this blog in the first place.<br />
<br />
My memory SUCKS.<br />
<br />
As I read the words in this journal, I had absolutely no recollection at ALL of the things I said I did. I mean, there wasn't even a glimmer of "oh yah!". Just.... REALLY?! I did WHAT? When?<br />
<br />
Me...?<br />
<br />
This isn't a new lesson. I guess I just... forgot... how bad my memory is. And why I wanted this online journal to capture everything that I see in you, everything that I want you to know about you growing up. So, I am going to re-commit to writing. Hopefully.<br />
<br />
If I remember.<br />
<br />
This week we had the 3 year check up. And, Maddy, you were an old PRO at the doctor's office. You said "aaaah!" and let him look in your ears and listen to your heart and breathing. You were awesome. And in the waiting room you behaved (although you commented on everything around you). But you are pretty tall and still quite heavy. And you are perfectly, wonderfully, BEAUTIFULLY healthy.<br />
<br />
About me? I am in a state of flux. I was in a job I loved, that I gave everything I had (including my health) to. And when the job was posted in a more permanent capacity, I applied. Didn't get the job. And this broke my heart. Now I am watching the work I did... change. The things I set in place, change. So much change. And none of those hours of effort, sleepless nights, stress, evenings and weekend are even there anymore. Which has helped my put it all into perspective. What matters is Maddy. And Neil. And Walter. And family and friends. And taking care of me. Work is just what happens to pay the bills for the things that matter. So now I am waiting to see what happens next. In a strange holding pattern.<br />
<br />
Although as I write these words I am reminded that while I wait, life still happens. So instead of participating in, I am opting out. And that also is a lesson I have learned before - that life happens as I wait, and I miss so much. Still, I feel powerless to move.<br />
<br />
Or maybe it's just the head cold. Such a nasty cold!<br />
<br />
Time will tell. I just hope I remember to write it down.<br />
<br />
<br />Wendyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08749346556126400235noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3653627898211677898.post-72589735316528547382013-01-28T21:30:00.000-08:002013-01-28T21:30:03.416-08:00Months thirty-five and the big ole thirty-sixDearest Maddy,<br />
<br />
Or, as you prefer to be called now, Diego. Pronounced DJE-go (like Charlotte says). Oh, and this letter will need to be signed by Alicia. Because I am not mommy anymore. And Odg? Baby jaguar. Daddy? Daddy Jaguar. At least his is close. You, my love ("I AM NOT MY LOVE! I AM DJE-GO!!). Yes, yes... Djego. You are amazing!<br />
<br />
Oh how to capture you now?<br />
<br />
You are a very determined little girl. You know who you are (Djego), what you like, what you expect, what you want. And you are still completely unafraid to scream bloody murder if you don't get your way. But in this determination is such strength and confidence! You are using that determination to try to read (your first word read was raft, then tag). Then you got a little shy about sounding out words. But have no problem informing us that the numbers on our garage? They spell "Maddy's house". Or often "Djego's house". You also use this determination to resist potty training. And we have stopped pushing it. I am pretty sure you won't be in diapers forever. Pretty sure...<br />
<br />
This weekend we held your third birthday party, on Saturday. It was exhausting to plan it all and make it all happen. But the look on your face when you walked out of your room to a house decorated for your birthday? Worth every single second of effort!<br />
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<br />
And then the guests started coming! And the PRESENTS!! And friends and family and cousins... And you were loving every second of it! Until you saw something we did not prepare you for.<br />
<br />
Someone else was playing with YOUR TOYS!<br />
<br />
And you lost it. Screamed and screamed (even adults covered their ears). We went into your room, calmed you done and tried to explain it all. And then slowly integrated you back into the party. With kids playing with your toys. But then you and a friend? You played TANGLE (which was beating on the helium balloons until the bunch... tangled. While I held them. And got hit in the head, repeatedly. Until I had a headache.) But oh the JOY in both your screams and laughs! So worth the minor brain damage. Really.<br />
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But you got to blow out the candle on your ice cream cone cupcake (most amazingest way to serve cupcakes to toddlers ever).<br />
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And everyone ate (too much) candy and sweets - the theme was candy! What did you expect me to serve?<br />
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You will be moving to the playschool room as soon as there is space. Which is crazy to me. That you are almost in PLAYSCHOOL. Next thing you will be in grade 1, then driving, then in university, then married with kids... In a blink it'll fly by. Which is why I am trying everything I can to live in the moment with you. Just enjoy the awesome that you are (even when it isn't going well).<br />
<br />
Because Maddy, no matter what anyone says, society says, those insecurities deep inside say to you as you age? You. Are. Awesome. Period. Listen to your mother. Er, you Alicia...<br />
<br />
I looking forward to chronicling the adventures of three (and four and five until infinity!).<br />
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I love you so much my Maddy,<br />
<br />
--mommy<br />
<br />Wendyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08749346556126400235noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3653627898211677898.post-24534467366407394882012-12-17T22:00:00.000-08:002012-12-18T10:17:04.923-08:00Month thirty-two, thirty-three, AND thirty-fourMy Maddy,<br />
<br />
Well. Hmm... Nearly 4 months late. And there is really no excuse (that isn't cliche). Everyday I check my email, everyday I see the MULTIPLE month reminders to write this letter and everyday I can't figure out how to start. And today I am starting.<br />
<br />
We are VERY quickly approaching your third Christmas! And this year you are starting to get it. Every morning you wake up and look at the still lit Christmas tree and say quietly, "Oooohh... it's Kwistmas Day!" with awe in your voice. And I always say not yet. And you smile and happily go about your day. We haven't emphasized the whole gift part of Christmas this year. Seeing Santa was about visiting and getting candy, not about what gifts you wanted. So the REAL Christmas morning is gonna blow your mind. We spoiled you just a little. Baba and Dido may have gone a bit more overboard... they probably did. We'll see in a week.<br />
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Santa 2012!</div>
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This year, though, you helped us decorate the tree. Every time you put an ornament on the tree you proudly exclaimed "I DID IT!" and then came in for a high-five. You also were pro at handing ornaments to baba and dido, then telling them where to hang everything. So much personality, Maddy. So much joy at life and smiles for everyone.<br />
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Putting up the tree</div>
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I re-read the last post, and you have grown up so very much since then my love. You are now developmentally ready for pre-school (you'll be starting in the new year) and you can follow simple instructions and are starting to get time sequences (we'll do this, then that, then a third thing). You take your socks off, and put them on. Take your coat off and put it on. Although still you are reluctant to make transitions if you are not told what to expect. Go with the flow, you are not. But let the idea sit in your head and moments (sometimes literally moments) later you are good to go.<br />
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Two and a half on the left and one and a half on the right.</div>
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You know all letters and their sounds, for the most part. Sometime you miss that some letters have 2 sounds, but will still get one of the two sounds. You spell out words you see, on TV, in books, as we're driving. You LOVE counting things now. "Mommy only TWO hands!", "Mommy, dere are TREE dogs". Along with counting comes holding your fingers up, to indicate the number of items you see. Adorable! You can count the 29, but sometimes get caught on thirty (calling it twenty-ten). Counting to 29 was easy for you, I was going 21, 22, 23... and you recognized the pattern and finished for me - which is the reason for the twenty-ten.<br />
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We aren't into the "why" as much yet. When we ask why you seem unsure what to say:<br />
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"Mommy! I am VEWY upset!"<br />
"Why are you upset Maddy?"<br />
"Because.. the basket... didn't go... to outer space... on an egg..."<br />
"Oh... right. Of course?"<br />
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My girl.</div>
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Although you do know when you are upset or scared and tell us how you are feeling. The last few nights you have had nightmares, which have upset you greatly. Again, not able to tell us what they were about, it was just so apparent that you were heartbreakingly sad.<br />
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You still love to snuggle next to me and watch videos on youtube. And you still love elephant movie. Although there are others we watch now, like French (aka Shrek 2) and Madagascar. But now you play with us. You love to get us to "shit the ball" (aka shoot, aka throw/roll in random directions). You love to make daddy play cooking with you, on your tiny little play kitchen. And you are still content to play off, by yourself. Making up games and stories and "reading" books.<br />
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Along with the fun, I am also trying to instill in you some chores. When you get home you are asked to take your coat to the front door. Most of the time you just bring back the coat and the hanger to me, when I am still at the back door. But it's a start! You also turn the light on in the living room. And daddy taught you how to use a flashlight to turn the overhead light on in your room (although off is still a challenge). You insist on going into the fridge to your your own snacks and milk (and opening the milk jug, then often licking the lid. We don't give your milk to guests...). You will only wear white socks now. Colours and patterns are forbidden. And you will only wear your daycare shoes and one pair of boots. Which you actually had a fit when we put on, but the sneakers in the snow? Not gonna cut it.<br />
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All this to say, your independent streak is really starting! Although it's not SO bad that we can't often distract, distract, distract (and get our way). For now. Only for now. I know it will not last. And? I am really ok with that. I have a girl who isn't yet a pushover, who isn't yet told by society what she can and cannot do. What she can be. I need to hold on that, on to her stubborn independence, and nurture it. Everything else will be busy trying to break it...<br />
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Maddy, my girl. I love you endlessly. Always know that you will always be loved.<br />
<br />
Forever,<br />
<br />
-mommy<br />
<br />
<br />Wendyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08749346556126400235noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3653627898211677898.post-29520818546904262212012-08-26T13:20:00.001-07:002012-08-26T13:20:09.951-07:00Month Thirty OneMaddy. My dear Maddy.<br />
<br />
I did it! I managed to write ON your month-day!! YAY!<br />
<br />
You are, right now, singing and kicking your walls in your room. And demanding cereal and/or milk. Instead of napping. On a day where it is obvious to me (and anyone who watches you for more than 10 seconds - because you would have had at least one meltdown in that period), you need sleep. You have had an amazingly busy week with baba and dido babysitting you. And then a missed nap due to a birthday party at Chuck E Cheese (which you, incidentally loved). And nightmares last night (3 from 550am to 730am). Tonight is going to be challenging.<br />
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But this last month. You are again changing by the hour. Your have expanded your movie interests. Bird movie (aka Rio) is a hit. Your are interacting more with your toys and more imaginative games. You are expressing interest in crafts now. You love colouring with markers, on paper and your belly and cheek. I love washable markers.. best invention ever. You still don't get knock knock jokes, but your punch lines are much more descriptive now. You love to "play" and demand that we join along but you are also able to play by yourself for long periods of time, if we have guests or mommy is cooking or busy on the computer. Although you still love to join me on the computer (and ask for "Lolli-POP, Lolli-POP" aka YouTube).<br />
<br />
I just went in, to try to calm you. I held you and jiggled you like I did when you were a baby. But you are anything but anymore. Your torso was the length of mine, your legs dangling off to the side. But your eyes became heavy as I sang and rocked you. Just like when you were my baby.... Until I laid you down, and that is when the screaming and wailing and demanding and negotiating started. This is one battle, though, that I cannot lose my love. You will be unbearable tonight without even a short nap. And your dad has been in a course all weekend, and he won't have the energy to thwart your meltdowns. And after a full day at home with you, neither will I. Oh, what is that I hear? Nothing? Silence? Can you have... maybe?<br />
<br />
Next weekend we're hitting the road, to Saskatchewan to visit family. After 2 weeks away from daycare and at home with baba. Well, rarely home with baba - she has you out and about every day! But then we'll get back into the routine. Back to normal. Daycare and regular naps and regular dinner and regular. I think we'll all need that. I have a very busy few months at work, which includes some travel (3 trips) and time away from you. Until the crazy really hits I'll need routine.<br />
<br />
Maddy, you are so perfectly you. And (I think) so perfectly sleeping you... thank you for this nap, Nunu.<br />
<br />
Mommy loves you. Even when you're a grump. For always.<br />
<br />
--mommyWendyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01275141955983984621noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3653627898211677898.post-24799695130935006922012-08-05T17:08:00.000-07:002012-08-05T17:08:44.801-07:00Month Twenty-nine AND ThirtyMy dear Maddy,<br />
<br />
I am really good at missing these letters right now. There were SO many times I almost started typing. But instead I surfed the internet or watched TV or just sat like a big lump on the couch and didn't. Not that I haven't written this post in my head hundreds of times. Or that I don't think everything you do is mind-blowingly awesome, but just I am... trying to stay balanced. And some balance means being still and a little disengaged.<br />
<br />
OK. Month 29? Maybe the highlights have passed through my memory. But some things I want to remember... Me witnessing you have a conversation with a peer. A girl, in the preschool room. You said hi, asked her what she had, and said it was pretty. All I stood there, mouth agape. You are so much more interactive with other kids and are starting to actually play with them, not just by them.<br />
<br />
Another thing you love to interact with? My driving. You are QUITE the little backseat driver. "Turn the wheel now please" as I wait to turn left. And you always seems to want to steer me right into oncoming traffic... Or wailing "GREEN MEANS GO" as you see a green light - for the cars perpendicular to us. And when you have had enough? "One, Two, Tree - GO. MOMMY ONE TWO TREE GOOOO". Again, normally you are trying to get me to go through the stopped car ahead of me. It's abundantly clear why 2 years olds are NOT allowed to drive.<br />
<br />
You LOVE movies now. It was all Tangled and Winnie the Pooh, but now it's "Elephant Movie" (aka Dumbo). Which I actually never liked as a kid, and still really don't. We're trying to lure you into others like Little Mermaid (Ariel movie) or Toy Story (Toy Movie) or Lion King or Cars or Peter Pan... but you stubbornly hold true to elephant movie. But we sometimes slip another film in and I am enjoying catching up on the Disney movies. Cars? Good show!<br />
<br />
Although I have to say the cutest Maddy-ism is the new way you say yes. "Me too". There is rarely a yes to be had, but instead "Maddy, do you want to watch the elephant movie? ME TOO!" or "Maddy, you just fell, are you alright? Me too, mommy". It's a little confusing at times, but still adorable. I think I am going to miss this one a lot... Other Maddy-isms? For a few hours you said chimpanzee as "pink-pan-cheese". Although you have it perfectly now. And shrimp used to be trumpets, but no longer. Spaghetti used to be "Messy-kitties" but then it's morphed to "Passy-ghetti". We still, however, "clink" things with the mouse, on the computer (instead of click) and<br />
<br />
You are growing. You are TALL. Although we still can't convince you to give up your high chair or your diapers. Potty training you frightens me, until you are ready. Asking you to do it before you want? I can't see anything good coming of that, stubborn one.<br />
<br />
Yesterday we took you to Heritage Days, your third one! And it was... not good. You had a rough nap (if you even slept) and were grumpy and demanding. Oh so demanding! We spent about 1.5 hours there and most of it was spent trying to keep you calm. Very little chance to eat or see much of anything... I am starting to think that the best time to take you out isn't after your nap anymore - maybe before lunch is better. Not every moment is easy, not every outing is perfect. But oh, my Maddy, you are always perfectly loved. Always.<br />
<br />
Right now you are nestled next to me, sucking your thumb and holding Odg and watching videos on YouTube. Right now you you love toy commercials, watching dogs pop balloons (or most things about balloons) and kids playing in ball pits. I dunno... I just clink where I am told to.<br />
<br />
Every day with you, Maddy, is an adventure. I love you so much my dear.<br />
<br />
--mommyWendyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01275141955983984621noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3653627898211677898.post-20817737431616398672012-05-29T11:27:00.000-07:002012-05-29T11:27:27.258-07:00Month twenty-eight letterHello my little love!<br />
<br />
Well, here I am - late as usual. I even put this in my calendar of things to do on Saturday. But instead something much more important came up - spending the day hanging out with you. We played outside and watched videos and TV and read books. So much more fun than writing!<br />
<br />
This last month has flown by. Although so many are flying by now...<br />
<br />
You continue to be absolutely, unequivocally AMAZING my Nunu. You are doing really well in daycare and spend much of your time in the preschool room, where you are learning so very much. Your language and ideas are blossoming. You love to point to things and ask "What's dat?". We'll often answer, but if I know you know... then I say "I don't know. What is that?" and you answer with great pride. You're also getting a better grasp of your physicality and now want to walk up and down the stairs yourself (although do better with a hand to hold). And do so much more on your own. Luckily we aren't at the point where you want to dress yourself, but that is coming. And I have to admit to looking forward to the outfits you will create!<br />
<br />
The hardest thing right now for you is transitions. This was most apparent on our trip to Jasper (which was a great time, but exhausting too). You did really well up until the point we had to change. Fun at the lake throwing rocks! When it was time to move on? Meltdown. Fun at the playground going down the slide over and over and over. Time for lunch and to leave? Meltdown. Fun playing in the courtyard of the hotel, hiding behind the pillars and dancing. Time to leave? Meltdown. Actually, the best behaved on that trip was Walter - he was a stellar travelling companion! He snuggled on mom's lap the entire time and even napped some.<br />
<br />
Some stories about you... things I don't want to forget...<br />
<br />
One evening you were being a grump. Your dad and I were in the kitchen as you wandered in and whined for something. I am not even sure we could understand you - you wanted something and you were past the point of patience even before you walked in the room. We then kind of mocked you by mimicking your intonation... And then you showed us. You stopped, looked us in the eye and said "That's not nice!". And, no, it wasn't nice at all. Schooled by our 2 year old!<br />
<br />
Or how you say Pablo as "PLA-blo", garbage as "grab-age", face cloth is a "BAFF clop", when we ask "What time is it" at your bedtime and get "Time a NAP-time!", or listening to you sing yourself to sleep with Wheels on the Bus or the alphabet or the song your dad sings to you each night... And I know there is more that I wanted to capture, things that were too important to forget that are already being crowded out with everything else that needs to fit in there.<br />
<br />
My lunch is over and I must write another briefing note today. Third one's a charm! But I love you Maddy. Happy 28 months, my love.<br />
<br />
Mom.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Wendyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08749346556126400235noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3653627898211677898.post-55639625738646009092012-05-02T11:34:00.001-07:002012-05-02T11:34:16.133-07:00Month... oh which month is this? LetterMy dearest Maddy,<br />
<br />
Once again, your mom (I am now mom, not mommy, momma, mama. Mom) forgot to write. AGAIN! I blame life. And that if I don't write it down I cannot for the life of me remember. Like, at all. So I have added it as an appointment to my calendar. Will that guarantee I get it right from now on? Hells to the no. But it does mean I am really really trying. And I think that is the biggest lesson I am learning about being a mom. I won't always get it right, I'll sometimes get it horribly wrong. But I am always always ALWAYS trying.<br />
<br />
Always.<br />
<br />
And you are always so much a 2 year old. One second overjoyed and laughing and smiling and the next tragically upset because I won't stop cooking dinner so that you can go play upstairs. Or downstairs. Or eat 3 apples at once. Or... anything.<br />
<br />
Twenty-seven months. I just counted. Two and one-quarter years old. I have been saying almost two and a half. It's easier (and a little more indicative of your developmental age). You continue to soak up knowledge and words at an amazing rate. You are always putting ideas together, looking for relationships and ways that the new information fits into your existing knowledge base. You still LOVE music and singing. Now you love demanding of us, when we sing, "FASTER!" or "LOUDER!" and the newest "QUIETER!". You love Super Why and Wiggles and Bubble Guppies on TV. We have also graduated to movies - Winnie the Pooh and Tangled (aka ra-PUM-zel). We'll add more when we can PVR them off Movie Central.<br />
<br />
I have also started giving you my (now ancient) smartphone, with games and apps on it. You are starting to even get the idea, and request a few over and over. And then coat my phone is a surprisingly tenacious coating of... toddler. Even if I clean your hands before there is just... toddler... all over everything. You like the one where you create and pop balloons and make animals make noise (and robots and instruments). There apps are "baby" apps, but we're starting you off slowly with the tech stuffs.<br />
<br />
However, this week we bought a tablet. Initially it was more for you, to play on and amuse yourself. And now your dad (not dada or daddy. Dad.) has adopted it as his own and is having fun with it. Although we are also loading it with games and apps and movies for our impending trip.<br />
<br />
What trip? Our first road trip! Well, second really. But you were 5 months old the first time. Wait - third. You were 13 months the second one. And now this one. Third, for certain. This time we're going to Jasper. Deets to come, after we return. I am starting frantic planning mode and have arranged for driving over nap times and meals in the hotel and a possible pack and play if you won't sleep in the bed and outdoor and indoor activities we can do with you. And with a dido that is on crutches and in a cast from a surgery 9-ish weeks ago. And the dog.<br />
<br />
Oy.<br />
<br />
Panic.<br />
<br />
SO MUCH PLANNING TO DO BEFORE WE GO!<br />
<br />
Luckily there is time.<br />
<br />
I just hope you have some fun and bring more of your happy-mood, and less of your grumpy-mood. And that you don't fall off a mountain. Or into a lake. Or get eaten by a bear. Those dangers ever present in the wilds of a national park.<br />
<br />
Happy 27 months (plus 6 days) my sweetest, most perfectly nunu-like Nunu ever.<br />
<br />
I love you,<br />
<br />
Mom.<br />
<br />
<br />Wendyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08749346556126400235noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3653627898211677898.post-10230072964492528782012-04-09T12:39:00.002-07:002012-04-09T12:39:36.243-07:00I need some record...I need some record of this time. Something to remind me how wonderful and yet insanity-inducing our dear Madder can be.<br />
<br />
Maddy is a toddler. Oh, such a toddler!!<br />
<br />
In one breath she loses her marbles when she accidentally drops her bowl of goldfish, raisins and ta-lee-shew (her name for yogurt covered raisins - no CLUE how that can about) but then laughs manically when she throws said bowl intentionally.<br />
<br />
She'll yell at Walter to go away if he hovers near her, as she almost drops food but then will lay with him on the floor in the sunlight laughing in joy. And we have video of that! Although Neil is behind me in the video cursing his phone (which kind of makes it wrong to post that video on the blog...).<br />
<br />
Every day there is a new food that is loved (and 5 more that are now hated). This changes daily, making meal planning OH SO fun. Every toy with multiple little pieces (Mr Potato head or leggo, for example) must be opened simultaneously, so there is full coverage of toys on the living room floor. And with no area rug anymore, this also ensure that multiple times a day Maddy (or us) go slip-sliding on SOMETHING and either fall (Maddy) or get imprints on the bottoms of our feet (us).<br />
<br />
Meltdowns. Oh the MELTDOWNS. Larger and louder than life, completely uncontrolled. Maddy screams and flails and slams her heels to the floor and wails. It's a sight... It's frightening and aggravating and exhausting all at once. It's obvious there is no control or choice anymore - she's just UPSET. Neil is amazing at diverting her from that state. Me? Not as good.<br />
<br />
One day, Maddy had a meltdown in front of my parents. It scarred them (and scared them). Mom is now concerned there is something wrong (there is not) and is always just a little fearful that Maddy will lose it again, when they are alone together. Easter dinner, at Maddy's godmother's, was spent with Neil and I hovering over her, trying to prevent a meltdown that had been looming for hours. And while we made it through dinner (as one of us played outside with a Maddy that refused to go back into the house and the other ate, switching off) we did not make it to the end of the evening. Right after dinner, before dessert, we had to run off. I grabbed the kid and wrestled her into her carseat as Neil collected everything strewn everywhere.<br />
<br />
The boundary pushing, already! If you tell her not to touch something, her little finger will hover over the item, gently moving up and down until there is a touch. And another reprimand. And another bit of hovering just to see what happens next.<br />
<br />
She knows what she wants. What she wants to watch on TV. Or the 'puter. Which episode of which show. And cannot understand at all if something can't be brought up (the joys of raising a child in today's age... I remember a time with just 3 channels and... I digress...). She wants blue socks, not pink. And pink shoes, not green. She wants her tutu (aka ballerina) and the BLUE dora pjs. Not green pjs. She wants cereal and toast with p-butter and jam for breakfast. Not eggs. She wants my-nana, not oranges.<br />
<br />
She is certain.<br />
<br />
But she is capable of such funny stories and snuggles and kisses and giggles that make it all worth it. She is so smart and funny and astute already.<br />
<br />
She is a toddler.<br />
<br />
She is also great birth control, because I can't imagine that I could eve have the patience to go through this all again with Maddy already here. Plus, my mom informed me I am "way too old" to have a second.<br />
<br />
Thanks Mom.<br />
<br />
And thanks, Maddy, for being the wonderful and amazing toddler that you are.<br />
<br />
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<br />Wendyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08749346556126400235noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3653627898211677898.post-77523211515153616132012-04-04T20:00:00.000-07:002012-04-04T20:00:01.043-07:00From five to four...How to write this? Where to start?<br />
<br />
March 6th Sherman, our first and most obnoxiously loving and high strung and determined and crazy puppy, got sick. He threw up about 15 times, mostly all over our area rug (which has since been disposed of). The next day he was in the vet, and they thought it was a virus. By Monday March 12 he was no better and we were back to the vet. Blood tests were taken and an infection was found and we started treating that. And Sherman was doing so well. He was eating (small amounts) again and happy and loving. But once the antiobiotics were done, he started getting worse again. On March 29th we went back to the vet and had blood and urine and an ultrasound done. And they found foreign objects in his stomach and surgery was booked the next day at another clinic. We had this diagnosed and we had a plan.<br />
<br />
And then it all fell apart.<br />
<br />
Friday morning the vet opened Shermo up and found the foreign objects (thought to be beads) were just undigested chick peas. The problem was in his small intestines. There was an obstruction and it caused the small intestine to go necrotic.<br />
<br />
Backtracking, Sherman has ALWAYS been an exuberant chewer. Pearls, walls, cabinets, baseboards, mouth splint, undies, kleenex, paper, toilet paper, the toilet paper holder, Neil's rug from Morocco, the frame of Neil's BA, rose bush branches with thorns, an entire couch (well, loveseat)... the list goes on. Sherman felt anything was fair game to chew. He also felt that toys were only given to him as a challenge - to see how long it toook him to tear it all apart. One toy, a green dino cuz rubber toy, had been in the rotation for a few years. It was missing pieces, but doing ok. Sometime in the last few months Sherman must have chewed off a chunk and swallowed it. This time it didn't just pass through.<br />
<br />
By the time it was removed it had expanded to many times it's original thickness. And it was stuck. There were small abrasions leading up to the piece, where it managed to squish through his intestines and did some damage (which was being fixed by the antibiotics).<br />
<br />
The vet removed a large section of Sherm's intestine and reconnected the healthy parts. We were given warnings about it taking 72 hours for confirmation that the edges would reconnect. And if it didn't reconnect there was the chance of hemorrhaging. And that some bile went into his throat and may have caused scarring but they treated that. They said he should be ok.<br />
<br />
That afternoon I went and saw him for about 20 minutes. He was so so so out of it, drugged to prevent him from moving and opening the incision. I petted him and kissed his floppy jowls and promised him he'd be ok. We fixed this. And he'd be coming home tomorrow. And then life took hold of me and I left to get dinner and do all those things I "needed" to do.<br />
<br />
At about 730pm the phone rang. It was the vet. Sherman had stopped breathing.<br />
<br />
I panicked. I screamed for Neil, downstairs, and passed the phone to him. And I crumpled to the floor and cried. Bawled. My Sherman...<br />
<br />
It's all a blur, but Neil talked to the vet. They said if they couldn't get him breathing on his own soon, the prognosis was very poor. And they couldn't.<br />
<br />
And he died.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
On Saturday we went and paid the vet (just materials, she donated her time) and the cremation and picked out the box he'll come home in... and then spent a lot of time crying and trying to fill the absolute silence he left. Even with a toddler our house feels empty.<br />
<br />
Sherman was such a special dog. He lived life to the fullest and was so happy and strong and loving. Oh so loving! So much licking from a smelly, smelly mouth loving. He was into everything and loved everyone. He always believed he knew what was needed (many kisses). He never stayed still, he never slept until he was sure he wouldn't miss anything (which meant being kenneled). He was willing to chew anything. And annoy his brother in any way possible. He was an anxious and high strung dog too, and we knew it aged him. But he lived life completely and loved with abandon and never held a grudge. And we had plans for many many more years of play and kisses and happiness...<br />
<br />
The vet thinks that his body went into shock from the surgery and the extent of his injuries. She assures us that he didn't suffer. And it helps me to know that he wasn't alone. He didn't die alone... there were people with him who in the short time they knew him already loved him. That, I think, is what makes it almost bearable. Almost.<br />
<br />
We love you Sherman. And we miss you so much... It wasn't supposed to end this way. And yet it has.<br />
<br />
And now we have to figure out life as four.Wendyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01275141955983984621noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3653627898211677898.post-36732186446232943522012-03-27T19:35:00.001-07:002012-03-27T19:36:35.599-07:00Month Twenty-Six LetterMy Maddy,<br />
<br />
It seems the only time I write is on your month-day. Or the day after your month-day, in this instance. I am not sure why I have stopped blogging... Lack of time? Excess laziness? An addiction to Pinterest? Trying to do it all and something invariably falling to the wayside?<br />
<br />
Anyway, you are twenty-six months old and a force of nature! You live big and certain. And loud. Oh Maddy, you are capable of great noise. GREAT noise. You have at least one super duper meltdown a day. Sometimes more... You know what you want (or don't want) and you aren't scared to let us know. You also, just like your dad, have blood sugar issues. If you haven't eaten in awhile (like after a long nap or in the morning) you aren't too good with the unexpected. Or if we deny you something you want. Or we can't give you that exact thing you want. Or.. just because. When it happens, it's force of nature LOUD though.<br />
<br />
You also hate baths. HATE. BATHS. We can get you in the tub every few days, if we're lucky. Why? Who knows! It's just your thing right now. And I know, you will have things and phases and they won't last. This one is a tad smelly though... Such a force of nature.<br />
<br />
Another current Maddy-ism is your inability to sleep through the night. You wake at LEAST once, normally a few times, and one of us has to go down and find Odg, or Mimi, or sock, or PIN-SESS, or ... something. And often it's me. And I am just a little exhausted from not sleeping through the night once in weeks. And your dad is in the same boat. Last night you woke at 4am and it took 20 minutes (of you whimpering) until you would lay down again. And then you refused to be covered. You are a force of nature.<br />
<br />
Fruit is the one thing you will almost always eat. Although typing that has almost certainly guaranteed that you will never touch a piece of fruit again. You also love "DEEP" which is almost any sauce. And a few veggies, like peas and corn and carrots (sometimes). And broccoli most of the time. It's a challenge, because I am loving trying new recipes. And you like the same things over and over. We always have fruit to supplement dinners. Force. Of. Nature.<br />
<br />
You are turning into a girly girl. Princess and pretty and pink and purple. I bought you beautiful green and teal shoes and you SCREAMED when they came even near you. I exchanged them for the pink and purple shoes? You called them "PEETY" and wore them all day. Nature? Force of. Maddy.<br />
<br />
Right now I can hear you, making noise in your bed an hour after your bedtime. You are singing and talking to your NUMEROUS teddies you insist on sleeping with. Odg, brown mimi, pink mimi, Farley, Gramma piggy, and Kee-Kat. And then a few extra each night, right now it's Snow White, Cinderella, Piglet and Winnie the Pooh. Remember, you are in a wee and tiny toddler bed.<br />
<br />
Well, Madds, I have to work on our taxes and have a bath and do the dishes and make lunches and fold your laundry. And I want to be in bed in 1.5 hours. Maybe even before you'll settle down?<br />
<br />
Force of nature, my love. Force of nature.<br />
<br />
And I wouldn't have it any other way.<br />
<br />
I love you Maddy,<br />
<br />
--mommy<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Wendyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01275141955983984621noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3653627898211677898.post-41578553856995322632012-02-26T20:32:00.001-08:002012-03-27T19:36:54.507-07:00Month Twenty-Five LetterMy Madster,<br />
<br />
Today you are 25 months old. And you are WELL into the terrible of the terrible twos. Today wasn't so bad, but your determined nature plus teething plus amazingly loud lungs equals really crazy loud meltdowns. Frequently. Well, daily. And they are so hard to see, as your mom. The normal frustrated tantrums are fine. It's our job to set boundaries, it's your job to find them and push at them. But when a tantrum spirals into that place where you forget why you are upset and are just awash in the sadness and anger and fear... that breaks my heart. I hold you, rock you, lose hearing and hope that the meltdown ends soon. As my tears fall.<br />
<br />
But the rest of the time? YOU ARE FREAKING AWESOME. You are so smart and funny and responsive and engaged. You LOVE to sit with us and watch videos on the computer. You randomly call out requests. Funny-man. Squirrel song. SQUARE. One-two-three. Fire truck. And we find that video. Much of the time you do ask for things we know. Wiggles. Max and Ruby. Diego. Little People. DOODLEBOPPSSS (emphasis on the last syllable). Wow, the Doodlebops are a much loved show right now. I was quite sad to know that they are no longer together, and we'll never be able to take you to a concert. We are going to take you to gymnastics though. Your first extracurricular activity! Today some friends asked us what activities we hope you'll one day get involved in. And our first response was "whatever she wants". Then? Well, singing and music and soccer and dance and brownies and... Well, whatever you want.<br />
<br />
What if you want a programming class? Maybe you maybe are too electronically engaged. But your parents are geeks, we are on our computers and you see and want to join us. It's going to be interesting to balance the general philosophy of no screen time being best for kids against our lifestyle. But we'll figure it out, as a family. As a strong and committed and loving family.<br />
<br />
Maddy, Madster, Nunu, Mad-delicious, my love... Happy 25 months! And I look forward to decades upon decades more months to celebrate the amazing you are.<br />
<br />
Lots of love,<br />
<br />
MommyWendyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08749346556126400235noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3653627898211677898.post-91796995508777452902012-01-31T20:33:00.000-08:002012-03-27T19:37:02.420-07:00Month Twenty Four Letter. Waaaay late.Dearest Maddy,<br />
<br />
Days ago you turned TWO YEARS OLD. And your mommy didn't actually even remember to post a letter on this very very neglected blog. I blame... pinterest? Facebook? Getting things done around the house? Really, I blame me and me dealing poorly with some stress. Life threw me a lemon and I sat in the sandbox feeling sorry for myself. Screw the lemonade!<br />
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But, Maddy, my love. You are TWENTY FOUR months old (plus a few days). And you are awesome. You are talking up a STORM and so funny and so active and so happy. Tonight we stripped you down before your bath and you RAN. In and out of every room, naked to the world. And screaming "GLIDE GLIDE GLIDE" in a very loud and boisterous manner. I had to finally grab you and throw you in the tub, which resulted in the start of a meltdown (naked running is apparently fun) but the toys distracted you and you happily played. You know what you want in life and you let us know when it's not happening your way.<br />
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At 2 you are 34.5 inches tall. You are about 32 pounds (ish). Your hair is still dark blonde, your eyes are still a beautiful blue. You smile so often and we've had a bit of a break with the teething (still at 16). You are a talker and you have started on 3-4 word sentences, with prepositions and all! Your grammar isn't ideal but your manners? Please, thank you, you're welcome, excuse me... you us them all! Well, excuse me is more like KYOOUSE me. But close enough!<br />
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You are playing with us now, and playing house and pretend. Other kids? Not as much with them yet. You play near them. But will stand on furniture and other dangerous things to get our attention, so we'll interact with you. And we have FUN! We KEECK DA BALL. And KEETCH. And RUN. And play houses and dolly. And pretend to eat foods. And sing. And do so many, many awesome things.<br />
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How did we celebrate your night? Well, it was the last year we could phone it in... So we did. We woke you in the morning, to sing you happy birthday. Which you shushed and then threw yourself on your bed oh so dramatically when we didn't stop. And you opened a few gifts! A "ball-reeena" skirt and a book. Then daycare and MUFFIN-MAN there (aka cupcakes). And dinner at Swiss Chalet with baba and dido and us. And then more gifts and bed! Saturday we took you to Telus World of Science where you played and ran and played and explored and played and experimented. And then a Thai meal and a good night's sleep.<br />
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Sleep. You are still pretty good at going to bed. And you don't really get out of bed unless one of us is in the room. But? You keep waking (and waking me) to have your socks put on again, if they come off, or if Odg goes missing. I am getting good and quickly stumbling down the stairs and finding socks in your sheets or Odg on the floor. In the dark. Did I mention I was sleeping when you cried out?<br />
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Oh Maddy, you are awesome. You are kind (you let the greedy kids take toys from you, you just look sad and confused) but you are no push over (if a kid smacks you? You smack them right back). You are so observant and so verbal and so astute. So often your dad and I are scrambling to see what it is you are seeing. (Elmo? Where? There is no... wait. There. Hai Elmo!). You put things together so quickly. You have never called every 4 legged animal a puppy. You know their names, you can recognize what they are (even when they are abstract caricatures of the animal). You are independent (like most toddlers) but really only with the things you can do. Yo don't demand to dress yourself but you will insist on brushing your teeth yourself, after I do. You are the most amazing daughter and we are so lucky to be your parents, to get to raise you and watch you grow.<br />
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I love you, my twenty month old Maddy. I'll love you endlessly and forever. Even when you become a teenager *grin*<br />
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Love always,<br />
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MommyWendyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08749346556126400235noreply@blogger.com0