More "omg I haven't posted in soooo long, I'm sorry" updates

Life? She continues to be crazy. And still I never seem to get around to posting... I keep hoping it'll all calm (and it almost is). Once Neil returns from his trip, we'll be in the clear. Maybe.

Happy Orthodox Christmas Eve!* Tonight we would normally be at baba and dido's eating and celebrating, but this is not a normal year. But we still had the food and the friends and the family! Just a bit earlier.

Yesterday dido went into hospital, to have surgery on his ankle. It's been bothering him for years, and this will hopefully fix the problem. But until it heals, it will be very painful. Right now he has a nerve blocker IV in his leg, numbing him completely from the knee down. Once that is removed? It will be quite hard for him. But in a few days he'll be out of hospital and will be home, where he can begin to heal. And we're bringing Maddy in whenever we can, to cheer dido up!

Maddy. Maddy! She is just so much FUN! Teething has been cruel to her, the last few weeks. But tooths 5 and 6 have made their appearance and hopefully we can take a break from teething for awhile. Hopefully. But otherwise she's standing and walking along furniture and eating the furniture and babbling like crazy. Much is "duck" right now, which when said loudly and with vehemence? Sounds kind of like something else... Ah well!

And we're planning a small birthday party for her. I can't believe we're sneaking up on a YEAR since labour started... Back to the point. We sat down and made a list of all the people we wanted to celebrate with... and it was huge. Then we sliced and diced the list. And it's still huge... But smaller huge. It will be a low-key affair. Some snacks, some drinks, some visiting and then cupcakes! I originally wanted to order a TARDIS cake (but pink). However, Neil talked me out of it, since no one would likely know what a TARDIS is. Including Maddy (she just likes the music to the show). I think the only real splurge will be helium balloons. Maddy saw some at the hospital and was enthralled. And helium balloons are something I always wanted at my birthdays, as a kid. One of the many joys of having a child is getting to (legitimately) be one again! We're having the party on January 29th. Because there were a few friends and then my mom's group all with kiddos are the same time, we're just happy we got the weekend we wanted. This Saturday we have 2 first birthday parties, then next weekend a first birthday party, then the weekend after yet another. Then Maddy's! But after this, it should calm for awhile. I hope.

So much hoping this post! Hoping for calm and no more teething and dido to heal rapidly. But life truly is wonderful. So wonderful that I sometimes get scared, wondering what will go wrong. Can life really stay as simple and happy and perfect as it is now? Do I really get to be that lucky? I have a wonderful husband, an amazing daughter, loving and supportive parents, two adorable dogs, a good job that I enjoy and a small but cozy home over my head... I have it all! And I have never in my life been happier!

* this was typed up Jan 6th, but I guess I didn't publish it until checking on it at work on Jan 7th (on my break). So... oops!

Toothing update

Maddy had 4 teeth and was showing all the signs of teething. Her 5th has broken gum (her upper right) and the other side is days from breaking too. Six teeth! And while the bottom 2 are close together the top ones (all four) are not. But it's adorable!

We survived the holidays!

We made it through Christmas and New Years!

Christmas Eve we went to my aunt and uncle's for food. We rushed off soon after dinner, missing the gift opening, because it was Maddy's bedtime. So much revolves around the sleep patterns of our child... But it was wonderful to catch up with family and visit and spend the time with my goddaughter.

In the morning we woke at our usual time and hung out until baba and dido came over. Maddy, this year, didn't really get Christmas. We tried to convince her to open her gifts but didn't push it when she showed no interest. Then she got sleepy and we put her down and Neil, mom, dad and I opened all the gifts. Maddy? She was SPOILED! And not so much by us. Look to baba and dido to see the culprits... But some we have put away until she's older/for something new. And much was clothes, which now fits her (my big big girl). We were running low on clothes, so that was a glorious set of gifts. After Maddy woke we have a huge brunch and then spent some time as a family, just visiting. Baba and dido left, to prepare dinner, and we spent time as a family. That evening it was over to baba and dido's for dinner and home (almost) on time for Maddy's bedtime.

Boxing day we went to visit with close friends and their family. They have three children and holding the new baby... I missed my baby Maddy, I already feel like those days are a lifetime away. But it was visiting and then home for someone's naptime, which we only kind of missed.

After 3 days of messed up bedtimes/naptime, Maddy was tired. We spent the next 2 days hanging out together and doing a few errands and enjoying the break from the rest of the world. And trying to get Maddy back to normal.

It was a quiet Christmas with family and food and visiting. But most importantly, it was about being together, as a family. And that made it one of the best Christmases ever, to share it with my Nunu.

New years has also now come and gone. It was meant to be an evening with baba and dido, and snacks, and then fondue once Maddy went to bed. But there were so many snacks, that the fondue was skipped. We shared some de-alcoholized "champagne" and then by 830pm baba and dido left and I had a bath and we tried to stay awake. By 1030 we were exhausted... and it was bedtime. We celebrated in the morning, over brunch with a friend. And that brings us to today, the day we're having our Ukrainian Christmas Eve dinner! yes, it's very early, but dido has surgery for his ankle on January 5th so we're celebrating early. The first time in 20+ years we have... But no matter the date, it's the food and the company that matters! And it is possibly my favorite part of the holidays for me! Pics will be taken and posted!

Since it's been so long... some catch-up.

Maddy now has three moles! The original one on her belly, then a small dark mole on her lower back, now one on her chest/shoulder above the first one. Not surprising, considering how many I have... but it's fun to watch them pop up.

She is getting more and more... willful. This morning she found a mechanical pen I put too close to her reach. I took it away, it's dangerous. And? WAAAAAAAILING! She get so genuinely, heart-achingly sad when something doesn't go her way. Her little face scrunches up, tears come so instantly... it's complete distress. And it's happening more and more. She knows what she wants and she can't always communicate what that is. And that bothers her. A lot. And even when we do figure it out, we can't always give in to her. It's hard to see her upset, but boundaries start now.

Her words! Mum (or mama), Dad (or dada), baba, kook (cookie), chsss (cheese), DUCK/guck (duck), goo guur (good girl). She'll bark at the dogs in her own way, so she's picking up canine too... And the still constant "dgia" which we have no clue about.

Well, naptime is coming to an end soon and there is always something to be done. I have a list of 36 goals for 2011, the number decided on since it's how long I have been on this earth. I have done one already! Purge my kitchen or the things I never use. Maybe, when there is time, I will post the goals here and use you all for accountability... Maybe. As I digress, there is still laundry and cleaning and everything to do!

Happy 2011 to you all! 2010 has been the best year of my life, spending it with my family of three. Looking forward to seeing what 2011 will bring!

After the letter...

... comes pictures!

 Her Christmas-Day tutu, picked out by my awesome goddaughter

Playing with the magnet set on the fridge, from Neil's family. She loves it! 

Giggling with dido with the teddy-in-the-box that dada picked out for Christmas 

The pic of Maddy and my goddaughter. I wasn't sure I shoudl include Taylor, so here is a close-up of awesome 4-toothed Maddy! I love that crazy little smile so much!  

And on a lighter note... Maddy eating the table corner-bumpers as she watches commercials. Ah, my sweet Maddy-girl! 

Month eleven letter

Dear Maddy,

Here is the obligatory opening paragraph at how fast time is passing. Well? It's only sped up! I am in shock how time is slipping away from me. Between work and you and house cleaning and everything... But we're doing everything we can to enjoy every second with you.

You are now 11 months old. And now wearing 18-24 month clothes. I just had to retire so many of your old clothes... I am a little in shock at this last growth spurt. You were my baby one day and now you are such a big girl. You are walking along furniture so well and standing by yourself, both by letting go of the furniture and also in the centre of the room. But really only when you are distracted by other things, mostly what is in your hands. I think that will be the major motivation for you to walk - you'll want to hold on to something and move along. Now you just crawl with one hand on the ground and the other hand holding something, so your elbow is on the ground. Awkward, yes, and you abandon what is in your hands. Soon abandoning whatever it is you have will not be an option. And then you will, in your great stubbornness, walk.

Your personality is coming through more and more. You are such a strong willed little girl but only when it is something you truly want. The rest of the time, the most of the time, you are such a go-with-the-flow Madds. You are so quick to smile and laugh! Peek-a-boo, ba-donk-a-donk, nibbles on your belly and arms... FITS of laughter. And already you are a scientist. You experiment with the different noises that things make, moving things... It's glorious to watch you interact with your world and try to figure it all out. You are also very motivated by music. You will listen and songs, your favorites are commercials and Dr Who theme song. Oh! And the Brady Bunch theme song. You always stop to watch that one. And the commercial with the laughing babies. Well, most commercials, really. Just like mama used to love.

You are starting to talk. You will mimic us and try to say words. We have figured out cheese - said chssss. You always say "Dgia". All the time. We have no clue what that one means. We have tried to figure it out but nothing is coming to us. See ya? GI Joe? Maybe one day it'll click for us. And today you said 2 words. When you do something positive we cheer and clap and say good girl! Today we were at the mall and you were having some water through a straw. The first sip was a shock and you weren't expecting it, some water was spilled. The second one you knew what to expect and when you took a small sip, I said good girl and took the glass away. Well, you clapped your hands, like I do when we're cheering you on, and said "goo guur". Good girl. Just like mama says... Like mama says... Like mama...

Today I stared at you for what felt like forever. You were standing and playing and walking along the tables covered in your teeth marks. And it shook me to the core, again... the enormity and importance of what we did, that we created life, brought (more) tears to my eyes. No matter what you do, what you become, what you achieve - we will love you always. We changed the world to bring you here and the world that we inhabit is better because of it. It is perfect with you here.

I love you, my Nunu. Happy 11 months.

--mommy

What a crazy day!

Today was a crazy day! It was the first day we purposely skipped a nap for Maddy. She's been doing 2 naps a day for the last few months. But the last few days she hasn't been able to settle for her afternoon nap. So? We skipped her morning nap and are testing to see how it goes. It went... ok! She was showing some sleepy signs around her normal nap time but we played through it and kept the morning busy by going to brunch at IHOP.

And as an aside, wow it was GOOD. Possibly my new favorite brekkie place good. I'll see how they are once they are open (it was their training weekend) but yum! Grain and nut pancakes with blueberries and bananas... heavenly and kinda sorta healthy!

And then home for a nap. Well, the nap started in the carseat and stretched into the crib. About an hour and a half... which really wasn't quite long enough. But as Madds' nap started a friend of mine came over for a visit and we got the chance to catch up and then she got the chance to see Madds once she woke.

Another aside, I miss my mommy-friends... those women helped me through being a new mom and I am not sure I would be (as) sane without them. And I miss them so much. But life now doesn't make visiting easy... Maybe one day!

Then, this afternoon, we took Madds to her first birthday party of a buddy. One of the boys from Mom's Group. It was wonderful to see the ladies and see how BIG the kiddos are now. I find it funny that while Maddy was one of the youngest in the group, she's one of (or the) biggest. Ah, dada's genes are kicking in... I also can't believe another one of Maddy's "friends" is one already... I keep saying that she's only 10 months - it sounds so far from a whole year old. But it's just around the corner. So around the corner we've started thinking about her 1st birthday party...

We came home for dinner time and it was going well until Madds got her fingers caught between a mirror and a hard place (the wall) and WAIL and a meltdown. Soon after we started the bedtime ritual and she fell asleep immediately.

I think the one nap worked. Is it time for my baby girl to lose a nap? One a day, just like a big girl. Like someone with friends that are a year old. Like someone who is so close to being one herself.

What do I tell her?

Neil and I make a good team - we fill in each others weaknesses pretty well. It's one of the things that make us a good couple.

I get stressed out and want to get everything done NOW. He calms me and reminds me to relax and enjoy life. But I can motivate him to get things done, when he wants to procrastinate.

I tend to hold on to friends even when the friendship turns unhealthy. Neil reminds me it's ok to let go. But I remind him sometimes a friendship is worth fighting for.

Neil can find it easier to remember the sad or negative parts. I find it easier to remember the happy parts. We balance each other, so the memory isn't skewed one way or another.

He can't remember where the car is once we get to a place. Or can't navigate his way to the place. I am pretty good at remembering both.

Despite my good short term memory, my long term memory is horrible. I have a different way of remembering things. Some of the bigger events, I remember a picture of it. Like taking one or two images from a movie that reminds you of the whole film. But most of the time I remember the emotion of an event. And when the emotion fades, so does the memory.

With Maddy here, with us, I try to remember my childhood. I try to remember believing in the tooth fairy or Santa or the Easter bunny. I try to remember my first days of school, my childhood homes, my favorite friends, and all the things you do as a child. And there are pictures of some of these events. I remember driving hom from my aunt and uncle's place Christmas eve and looking into the car beside me and seeing Santa, in the car. I remember him putting his hands under his cheek, mimicking going to sleep, and I remember the fear that Santa was getting close and we had to rush home NOW. But the more I try to clear up the memory and hold on to it, the farther away it gets. It's like looking up at the stars in the sky. If you look straight at them, so just can't see the seven stars of the Seven Sisters. But if you look, casually, out of the corner of your eye? There they are! But try to look at the head on again and some fade away... Neil is the exact opposite. He can tell me stories of every moment of a childhood event so clearly that I can see it all happening, like I was there.
 
What will Maddy be like? Will she be like Neil, and remember it all? Or like me, and hold on to the emotion and then let it drift away...
 
What will I say when her 3 year old self wants to know what my favorite Christmas gift was? Or her 5 year old self wants to know when I stopped believing in Santa. Or what I thought about my first trip to Disneyland... What do I tell her, when I can't remember?