Molar has emerged!

Tonight Maddy and I were rolling around the ground and nibbling (me) and giggling (her) and I peered into her wide open mouth. That angry swollen back gum is now angry, swollen AND has three of the four crowns of her molar peeking out. There is still a lotta gum to be broken through but the first molar is coming! The first molar is coming!

Tonight we had a blast reading and playing and snuggling. She wasn't nearly as fragile as she has been lately. Although this morning she woke at 550am and was a complete wreck. And then lost her marbles at an indoor playground, when baba made her leave. But back to the happy - she was her usual Maddy-ness tonight!

She has started calling her Roger (teddy) "Ogr" in one syllable. Always one syllable with her. Yesterday at dinner, instead of eating, she named her family over and over. Mum. Mum. Ddd. Ddd. Dgeeg. Dgeeg. Bab. Bab. Mum. Ddd. Bab. Dgeeg... It took me a long time to get used to the idea of a walking Maddy and now we're on the verge of a talking and communicating Maddy. It blows my  mind!

Awhile back I mentioned Maddy walking and throwing her hands up in her the air and I found a short video of it. It ends with my girl crawling into one of her favorite hang out places.

Wherefore art thou Roger?

I have looked back at the last few posts and most of them mention Maddy being fragile. And maybe Maddy has been more fragile lately. Maybe this is normal? But normal or not, she's awesome the way she is. 

Although the new normal seems to also be very very small meals and more food picky-ness. Before we'd put anything in her mouth and she'd happily eat. Put anything in front of her and she'd gobble it up. But now? She makes faces when we put something in her mouth and pulls it out and examines it. Often it gets thrown to the dogs. Literally. Meals are more about food squishing and throwing and less about consuming food. Oh, and wearing food as a hat. THAT one has resulted in near daily hair washing. I know this is a phase and she'll eat when she's hungry. And she's still healthy and chubby and doing well. But I MISS my awesome eater. 

And now, the title. What could that mean? Tonight I threw Maddy in the bath and tidied up. I put everything away and didn't see Roger (Maddy's sleep-teddy) anywhere. I assumed Roger was in the crib. I carried Maddy into her room. wrapped in her towel, and reached to grab Roger out of the crib. And Roger? Ro-o-o-o-o-o-ger? Where a-a-a-a-a-a-are you!? Roger, after some sleuthing, was figured out to be in baba's car. Maddy was in the house. I grabbed another blanket-teddy, a green one, and passed it to Maddy. Most nights I sing Maddy's lullaby as I back out of the room and see her lay down and snuggle in for sleep. Tonight I sang the song and backed out. And Maddy sat up, and looked for Roger. I sat in the living room and popped on the computer. And I could hear fussing. Then louder. Then louder... then crying. Wailing. My girl? She just wanted her Roger. I tried to calm her, offered her other teddy bear, other cloths or... anything. And finally? I called baba. And while I didn't ask, baba offered to come over and bring Roger home. Maddy grabbed Roger and began sucking her thumb. I am not going to say she settled immediately, but she has settled. It was a late start to the night and it's going to be a rough day tomorrow. 

It's official. Roger is important. And I've started thinking (aka freaking out just a little) about daycare and Maddy's naps there. We have a second teddy (Mimi) which we're going to try to make "nap teddy" as opposed to Roger the "night teddy". 

Does this ever get easy? 

But for certain, from now on? Roger's whereabouts will be accounted for. He will be on roll call ever 15 minutes or so. Maybe with RFID and GPS and tracking beacons. You know, whatever a mom needs to do to make bedtime easy. 

Month fourteen letter

Dear Maddy,

You are now a pro walker! You are an official biped. Tonight we went to a friend's for dinner and there you met some stairs. And? You climbed them like a pro! Not a second of fear or hesitation. Just one step after another until you reached the top. But going down? Well, there was no fear or hesitation either - but you tried to go down them face first. That is when the fear showed on MY face. And this is just how you are. You are confident and know what it is you want. You have a spark and spirit that awes me. And you go and go and go and go. There is no stopping you or slowing you. Sometimes it exhausts us but it's always worth it. Always.

Fourteen months - it doesn't sound all that old but you really are more like a little girl, a toddler. And there is so much more growing ahead of you. Today we went to Toys R Us and bought you a few things, We got you a pink lawn chair and an Olivia doll and a green ball you think is just AWESOME and love rolling and playing with. And there mama and dada looked at all the fun toys in our...er... YOUR future. Dolls and bikes and slides... we'll get to relive being a child through watching our child grow up. And I think that is the real magic of having a child. All the fun and none of the personal insecurity. Wait... the first time a child hurts your feelings, it will break my heart more than it ever broke when someone was mean to me. And I know that day is coming soon, with daycare starting in just over 1 month.

Maybe this makes me a crazy mom, but I'll be calling the daycare this week to ask them if there is anything we should be teaching you. At daycare I know you'll be eating at a little table and chair, maybe off plates... right now you eat in a high chair and just on the table. I know you will have to have naps on a mat, now you're in your crib. You will have other kids to learn to play with and rules to follow. Now? Well, there are rules but everything revolves around you. I am scared about what things you will learn at daycare and what things we're trying to teach you will get unlearned. But I never had the chance to go to daycare and I went into school very meek and unsure socially. Maybe you'll be better prepared? Maybe that is (well, was) just my personality.

It's hard to know what the right thing is to do, my Nunu, until the outcome is seen. Then the right choice is obvious. I hope we're doing the right thing, for you. But I want you to know that never for a second do we take our responsibility to you lightly. We are always trying our best, to do what is best for you.

Well, daylight is long gone and the night is getting late. It's time for this ole mama to get to bed. Happy 14 months, my little girl. I almost typed baby girl...

I love you so much, Maddy.

Mum

Hard...

Teething? She be hard.

But I have never loved anything more than this little girl.

There are days that are...

... harder.

Today was one of those days. Mom was sick, so I was home with Maddy today. And the morning was ok. We went for lunch with dada. And then Maddy had a dirty diaper, and I forgot to pack diapers in the diaper bag and then had to run to the store and get more and the food took a long time and then Maddy wanted to walk around and had a fit when we couldn't let her. Ok. Then we came home. Maddy was grumpy and whiny and was rarely happy. She would whine to be picked up, then whine to be put down, then whine to touch something, then whine when she got it... The theme of the afternoon was whine. I tried to put her down for a nap and all I heard (for 45 minutes) was babble, babble, babble, UP (emphasis on the P), UP! UP! babble, babble, babble. Then when she came out? Back to the whine. I am hormonally fragile and was starting to get a headache. And the whining... Neil came home after a really tough day with a headache. It was a rough evening. We gave Maddy advil, then dinner and she was better. Not normal, but better. Her bath went well and she was down immediately.

I am thankful Maddy isn't always this grumpy, it makes me appreciate how awesome our girl normally is. But if this molar doesn't soon break skin? I am gonna... well... keep getting headaches from the whining, I guess.

My most amazing husband and my most amazing morning

On the weekends Neil and I are supposed to alternate sleep-ins. But for a long time I was completely incapable of sleeping in. Even on our vacation in Kelowna, I would be up at 8am. Many weekends I would be awake before Maddy and when she woke, I'd roll over and get up. Even on the mornings where I was supposed to sleep in.

This morning, this glorious, glorious morning, I heard Maddy on the monitor at about 730am. I heard Neil roll over and get up. I turned off the monitor and snuggled back in, thinking I'd get another 10 minutes sleep. I opened my eyes again and it was 855am. I SLEPT IN UNTIL 9am!!!! Asking Neil, we figure it's been a loooong time since I was able to sleep in this late. Since about mid-pregnancy with Maddy. So... a year and a half? Two years? I have to say, it was refreshing! I feel RESTED. Although I had only about 30 minutes with Maddy in the morning before her nap time and I feel a little robbed of Maddy time. But? I SLEPT IN! I SLEPT IN!

Thank you, Neil, for taking her, amusing her and most importantly - turning off all the obnoxiously loud toys in the house so I could sleep in.

Smarter than?

Tonight Maddy was tired and fragile. More teething (I can't see how her molar can stretch her gum ANY more before it breaks). More tiredness (she was up at 615am, and was already having her first nap at 830am). More mood (no clue about why).

By 6pm she crawled under the table and laid on her side, head on her arm and looked exhausted. By 620pm she'd grabbed Roger, went into her room, shut the door and laid on the big pink teddy from my goddaughter at the foot of her crib and waited for bedtime. She put herself to sleep. Or as close as she could. Our dogs still whine at our feet to be escorted to their (always open) kennels to be put to sleep. Our daughter is now smarter than the dogs.

That didn't take long.

 Sherman

Walter