Mobile Miss-Miss!

Although she refused to roll for company, my Madds is a rolling machine! She only rolls to the left, though, so we need to move to a very long house where she can roll or I am always getting up to start her on the one side of the living room again. I have a glimpse of my life with a crawler and it involves a lot of moving after her. Thankfully she's still slow *grin*

Speaking of crawling, Miss-Miss has started to bury her head on the carpet and lift her butt up in the air and push with her feet. She has managed to move about 5mm with this method (her head is quite the anchor) but I see my future and it needs more childproofing.

We finally had an almost normal night last night (it took an hour to get her back down after her night feed but that is not unheard of). And tonight we're in a hotel and we'll be messing it all up again! I am dreading the hotel but looking forward to the wedding of a dear friend. Plus, we get to meet the newest member of the family, my cousin's son! I can't wait to hold and smell brand new baby again.

The last few days have been harder, with Maddy being such a poor sleeper. I really don't know how I would have made it through without the friends I have, who are going through it too, to vent with. I think I sounded angry the last few days (it was just tired) but thank you Natasha and Blessie for listening and being there! This is the hardest thing I have ever done, the most responsibility I have ever had, the least training for a job ever and then I am more tired then I have ever been. It's a crazy cycle that only works because of my fabulous husband, my amazing parents and the support of my friends. Thank you!

What happened?

My awesome night sleeper has been replaced by a bad night sleeper and a mediocre day sleeper. Three nights ago she didn't finally go down until after midnight. Two nights ago she was up at 3am and stayed up until 530am. Last night she wouldn't go down to sleep until 1030pm (which is an improvement) but is still up at 7am and not too interested in sleep. I just laid her down for a morning nap and now I can hear her talking to herself in her room. Happy, yes. Sleeping? No.

Every time I mentioned her awesome sleeping at night I was careful not to jinx myself. Why did it end? I KNOCKED on WOOD! *grin*

EDIT: More knocking... Maddy went down reasonably well tonight! Let's hope she stays sleeping too.

EDIT part deux: She woke for a feed at 1230am (way too early) and is up for good at 445am. Today is gonna be a loooooong day...

My funny girl

I heard a peep from Madds' room and went to check on her. I placed her in the centre of her crib, on her back. I found her perpendicular to the way I laid her down. She was at the very head of the bed, on her stomach. As I opened the door, she turned her head, saw me and gave me the hugest smile. I have no idea why (or even how) she was at the top of the bed. But that's my girl!

Month Five Letter

Dear Madds,

You are 5 months old today. How the time is flying by! Will I ever stop saying the time is flying? Does it ever slow down?

I am trying to think about how to summarize your last month but every single day is different. You are mobile, talkative, eating solids, interacting and laughing. Sleeping? That still ain't ideal. You are now officially a belly sleeper. I can't keep you off your tummy at night! They say once you can put yourself there, you are allowed to stay there. You roll (and shimmy) all over the crib all by yourself. The bad part? Unless you are sound asleep you wake when you get on your tummy, it's tragic to be there. My precious miss grump-a-lump, when it comes to sleep. Since the start we have always been able to say you're a good night sleeper, once we get you down, and a not so good day sleeper. Well, the last 2 days have been much different than that. You aren't going down and you aren't staying down. I can't believe I am saying this, but please be a bad day sleeper again and give me back the night! Mama is sleepy... so so so sleepy.

Otherwise? You're the happiest baby! You love new people and smiling at them. You giggle and belly laugh daily. You even have distinct smiles. The open mouth joy, the coy and shy smile, the nose wrinkle silly you smile... You coo and talk away to everyone and everything. And you have started the occasional high pitched loud short shriek. I know soon you'll string them together to a frequent high pitched loud long scream. And we often say "hi" to you. Often it sounds like you're saying hi back to us. Others have heard it! We're not just making it up. *grin* You're also reaching and grabbing and playing with toys. Well, eating them. Everything in your mouth! But we call that playing right now.

Your head has rounded out so much in the last month. You have been in your exersaucer and bumbo and mom's lap and jolly jumper and everything but the hard floor. And when you're on the floor you either immediately roll on to your tummy or, a new one, you grab your toes and suck them. Your time in the exersaucer has increased exponentially. The jolly jumper is new but you have mastered the jumping! It's adorable to watch you bounce in excitement.

You STILL love tongues sticking out. You still love "My Maddy Lie Over the Ocean". You have the biggest most infectious smile ever. Your huge blue eyes are always seeking new things to look at and understand, new faces to make smile, new ways to avoid closing them in sleep. You are our baby girl, Nunu, Nu-ski, Goober, Maddy-moo, Miss-miss, Miss-moo, Grump-a-lump, Madds, Madder, (not as much) Maddest. Our little Maddy, our daughter, our world, our everything. The world is a better place, for your mom and dad, with you here. I miss sleep, my freedom to come and go, a social life... but you belong here with us and everything feels right with you here. We love you, Madeline. Can't wait to see what this month will bring! 

Love always, 

Mom

What's new?

Well, Madds has started to belly-rotate. She rolls onto her tummy and then will rotate in a circle, with her tummy as the centre point. Adorable until her feet get stuck under the couch and she can't kick. Then it's hilarious! No, wait... that's not nice...

She's taking her rice cereal 2 times a day now. And I don't know if it's the solids or that she's getting older or that all our work is paying off or that we give her a blanket during the day or... or... but, knock on wood, (and I really knocked) she's been a better daytime napper! Yesterday afternoon we got 1.5 hours out of her. Today? I went to visit the folks at work and brought Madds. On the way home at 2-ish she fell asleep. I debated sitting in the garage as she slept a bit. Again. I risked it and brought her in. It took about 45 minutes to lull her into a decent sleep but it's now been an hour and she's still asleep! So she's been kinda napping 2 hours. Solidly napping an hour. Yay!

The SECOND  typed yay Madds woke... Now one handed typing before heading off to play with my girl!

Solids Day 3

Yesterday Maddy had her solids at dinner. I ran out of time in the morning, as I was hosting my mom's group at the house this week. I made it thicker and she ate almost all of it! A whole tablespoon of cereal! And she did awesome. And because mom's group was here Maddy missed her afternoon nap. Which meant a 6pm bedtime because Miss Moo was a grump-a-lump. There was one 3am feed and then Madds slept until 7am. I was actually awake before I heard her get up.

Today I will likely get to meet the first solids poo. Wish me luck... I heard these are nasty!

EDIT: We had the first solids poo! A little different, but still completely bearable. Although I was outdoors on a bench, so who knows what it really smelled like.

Solids Day 2

We did it again! This time more was put in her belly, but again we're not giving her much. I make 2 tablespoons and she eats a quarter? Less? I am finding she likes it a little thicker than I was making. After solids everything needs cleaning (kid, clothes, bumbo, table) and her gums are cleaned.

We're going to keep it at once a day for the next few days. Maybe by the weekend we'll add a second helping at dinner. And once that's down it's time to add VEGGIES! I think we may wait until we're back from Calgary before adding veggies, just for ease of travelling.

Travelling! Neil, Maddy and I are going to Calgary for a wedding. Lucky puppies get baba and dido staying with them while we head off. I am worried about Maddy's sleeping. We're kinda doing ok now and I am nervous to disrupt it. But we'll survive just 'cause we have to. And Maddy has the most adorable dress, given to us by my cousins, which she'll be wearing. Pics, of course, will be taken. While there we're going to try to visit as many friends and family that we can. Not sure how much we can get done... but we're hoping!

Complication continued

I mentioned here, there was a complication after Maddy's birth. And here is more TMI, this time on how I am treating it.

My doctor prescribed a new product, called Lady System. Vaginal cones for pelvic floor reeducation. Basically? They are 5 small cones of differing weights. Starting at almost 5g up to 55g. You insert them and then use your pelvic floor to (try to) keep it in place.

After calling around to multiple pharmacies finally I found one that would order it in for me, although they didn't stock it (thanks Betsy!). And of course my benefits won't cover this product. It's very new. Almost $120 later, I have it and have been using it.

I grabbed the first weight, 4.9g. I could barely feel it in my hand! But my pelvic floor? Even that small weight is almost to much. I am hoping it'll start to soon get better and will help me get everything back to normal. Last night, as I did my 15 minutes of therapy, I washed the cupboards. You have to be standing/moving. And they needed to be done! I can see much puttering being done while I reeducate.

And while I am not completely back to where I was, I am probably at 75% of normal. Or maybe I am just getting used to not-normal... But either way, I am doing ok.

Maddy's first typing

 ch g               hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhgh                                                                      h.;/9kcx xcvn m                                  

Profound....

Maddy sat in front of my laptop and looked at the keyboard. She reached forward and began hitting the keyboard. She'd hit it for awhile then stop and look up at the screen, type a bit more and then look again. It was like she was made to do it. We have a natural geek on our hands! No one is shocked, I know.

We did it!

Maddy had her first few mouthfuls of rice cereal! We took video. I may never show it to anyone. Mama has got a few chins on her. If I can edit away me, then video will come. If not, then let me assure you it happened.

Maddy seemed interested in the process and leaned in to the spoon. She would grab the spoon also, trying to put it in her mouth. Once she even grabbed the bowl and tried to drink the cereal! Although how much of rice cereal made it to her belly is debatable. Much dribbled down her chin onto... well... everything. But for every three or four mouthfuls that went everywhere one was swallowed. Out of the one tablespoon made she ate very little. But it was a start! Tomorrow morning we try again and we'll stay on rice once a day until she kind of has it.

Otherwise it's been a relaxing Father's Day! Dada, in his kindness, woke up with Maddy when she got up at 630 and let me sleep until 730. At about 730 Madder became Maddest again and has been a grump-a-lump ever since. She went for a nap at about 8 for too short a time. And was still grumpy. Baba and dido came over and brought a cake for dada!

Happy Daddy! A happy daddy is always good *grin*

Maddy bought Dido a gift certificate to Golf Town. And she bought dada (and mama) tickets to Star Wars: In Concert next weekend. We're in the front row... we'll be able to look up Anthony Daniels nose! Maddy knew that mama dada needed some date time. What a smart (and wealthy) almost 5 month old!

Then we all had a visit for a bit and a pic was taken of Maddy and Dido

One was taken of Maddy, dada and the cake but was taken with baba's camera and has to be sent to me. Plus, it's hard to convince dada to let me post pics of him.

Baba put Maddy down. Then she woke and I put her straight down for another nap. Hopefully after this she'll be less of a grump! She's been sleeping awhile now. Dada has been on the computer gaming this morning and I think is having fun with it.

It's been a good day. Hells, we had CAKE for breakfast! How could it be anything but awesome?

Food fears...

Last night I was up a few times. First at 2am for a TEN OUNCE feed for Maddy. Yes. One-zero. Then again around 5am when then power went out. The baby alarm beeps when the base, in Maddy's room, loses power. And the home security system lets us know it lost power. Thanks equipment. I didn't need uninterrupted sleep!

I gave Maddy her usual 6 ounces at 2am and she didn't fall back asleep like normal. I tried to calm her with no luck. I made 4 more ounces and Maddy fell fast asleep. Me? I was awake. I went back to bed and tried sleep but kept thinking about Maddy and solids. After the huge feed I knew she needs more. Plus she's just so big for her age. But my dreams? They weren't so confident.

I kept dreaming that nurses were berating me for starting Maddy so early. And that I failed as a mother because of it.

I am confident starting Maddy on solids tomorrow is the right thing. She had over 30 ounces of formula today alone and didn't always seem to be sated. But the literature keeps saying clearly no solids until 6 months. But my girl, who is nearly 18 pounds, is the size of a 6 month old. Or older.

Well, tomorrow is the day! And tomorrow is the day we celebrate the fathers out there. Happy Father's Day!!

So much to keep track of!

Maddy rolled from her back to her tummy moving to the right (she's only done to the left to date). I laid her on the ground with plenty of left rolling room so she rolled to the right and nearly lodged herself under the couch. Never what you expect.

We went for a walk in her carrier today. Having nearly 18 pounds strapped to my chest? Made the walking harder. And I had the stroller with me too, in case she fussed. But she was great and even fell asleep! Although with my bosom there she couldn't lay her head down that much and it was pretty much vertical. I held it with one hand to stabilize it. And pushed the stroller with the other. For 30 minutes. Anything for a nap!

Her left foot has made contact with her lips now! They have been firmly implanted and sucked on. The right foot is millimeters from the same fate. Changing her on the change table is an adventure. Rolling and feet in her mouth. Who knows what she'll do.

Although I do know what she's doing right now. Being grumpy... she did not have a good night sleep last night and is fussy. Easily entertained but she needs constant attention.

No pain, no gain?

If that is true,  I am apparently gaining. A lot. Ouch.

On Tuesday I went to a mom's fitness class. I was the out of shape mom in the group. And my competitive nature? It stupidly pushed me to push myself way too hard. I didn't want to look that bad... Although I still silently cheered when Maddy fussed and needed to be fed so I could stop in a way that saved face. I hurt on Tuesday. I woke up in serious pain on Wednesday. Then I went for a walk at an off leash park with a friend! The jogging stroller I borrowed for Maddy pulls to the left. I had to constantly correct it. And I hurt even more after it was done.

This morning the pain is now the happy little burn of knowing I used my muscles. Today I will take it easy. Tomorrow I will exercise again. Maybe nothing as intense as Tuesday. But something will be done! The momentum has started and hopefully I can keep it going.

And Maddy? She's different yet again. More vocal. She's sitting in her bouncy chair and talking away to her lion. It's adorable and occasionally very loud. And reaching... so much reaching! This morning coming down the stairs she reached out for the door jamb. Luckily she didn't have a firm grip, because I just kept motoring by. More adapting for us and more learning for her. Nothing stays the same.

Not so much complaining about the sleep

Well, I have one complaint. Maddy is rolling now. And in her crib she rolls on her belly. And you can guess where this is going... she grumps. She loves sleeping on her side but rolls too far and wakes upset. Well, not even wakes. Eyes closed and grumping. Anyone have any advice? Please? I was up with her from 4am -6am this morning trying to prevent her from rolling on her stomach.

Otherwise, we're doing well with sleep! Maddy is napping more frequently but not for as long. And many of the naps are as we're on the go, in her car seat. Which is just fine with me. And nights are good too. We have our routine which we start when she's sleepy. Bath, dried off well, hair brushed, pjs on, a book if she's not too sleepy and then fed a bottle and she falls asleep in my arms.

If you look back, not much has changed in our routine. Yet we're doing well? One important thing has changed.

Me.

I had expectations of what my daughter should do when it comes to sleep. She should nap for 2 hours at the same time every day. Twice a day. I should be able to put her down fully awake and she'll fall asleep on her own in seconds. It should be the way the books tell me that it should be. Well, that's not Maddy. And that's just fine.

Now I don't fight her to nap. If she falls asleep for only 15 minutes, ok. Or if she refuses? Ok. If she needs to fall asleep in my arms? Ok. If I have to go back a few times in an evening? Ok!

I have found the joys in our routines. I love watching her sleep in my arms. Her long eye lashes, her soft pink lips open as she breathes, the dimples in her hand as she grips my finger in her sleep. How much longer will I be able to do this? Why was I rushing it?

So we're doing well on the sleep-front. FINALLY she's learned. That slow, slow mommy...

EDIT: Before my bath Maddy was sleeping on her stomach. After my bath? She was back on her side. My SIDS fears have been allayed! She CAN roll back.

OH NO! Life will never be the same.

We have rolling locomotion! Maddy did the double roll across the bedroom this morning. Then did it again at fitness class. I am not sure it was intentional but it's my reality. This is all happening WAY TOO FAST!

We are going to solid

Neil and I have decided that it really is time for Maddy to have solids. We're gonna do eet! And we'll start her on Sunday, as part of the Father's Day celebration.

Pictures will be taken and shared!

Pictures

More Maddy pics

Look mama! Feet. FEET! 

My pouty-kissy-face. Zoolander has nothing on me!

Looking at daddy. 

One of the fun new sleeping positions. I only sorta woke her up taking this picture.

More new!

There is SO much more new! I am not sure I can keep up with it all now... everyday it's a new thing for Maddy to do!

Saturday she reached for something on the table, while being held by baba. A camera, which was caught before falling. OMG reaching!!

And she wants to be on the move. When she sees something nearby of interest? A sudden body-wide LUNGE towards it. Making it oh so much fun for the adult involved to catch her before she takes flight. As she's falling she's still trying to grab the object and put it in her mouth. Everything in her mouth!

I woke this morning at 6am in a panic and rushed downstairs, no night Maddy feed! She was just fine but her first sleep all night without a feed. And I found her sleeping on her side. Another first. This morning when I went in, she was asleep on her tummy for the first time.

Today when I laid her down for a nap I went in to check her. She had pulled her sock off and was happily chewing on it. She is also trying her HARDEST to get her little foot in her mouth now. I really need to be sure I wash between her toes...

The other day she made a laughing sound we had never heard before.

Tummy time is fun now! If she rolls herself there, only.

She's rolling to her right side now, not just her left.

I can't keep up...

Today I met Neil for lunch, then got to see where he works. At the Pho restaurant there was a little baby. Only 2 and a half months old. So tiny, so delicate, so floppy! Maddy is only 2 months older and I can't remember her being that small anymore. Hasn't she ALWAYS been this way?

Always this way and it's also all new. Makes no sense, unless you're a parent.

To solid or not to solid. That is the question.

Is it time for solids, for Maddy?

Reasons for yes:

1. She loves watching us eat. It fascinates her!
2. She is very interactive with bottle feeding now and wants to hold the bottle and nipple and be part of it. 
3. Her weight gain has really slowed. 
4. Despite the above, she is now eating up to 8 ounces in a feed, in the evening, and doesn't seem 100% satisfied
5. And she's over 16 pounds now. I was told by another mom that at 16-17 lbs is an indication of when they may be ready. 
6. She can sit now in her bumbo, with no issues
7. Despite the guidelines saying wait until 6 months, at our 3 month doctor visit the doctor suggested we could start her sooner, if she seemed interested. I think that's based on her size. 

Reasons for no:

1. They" say wait for 6 months, to avoid food allergies, She's only 4.5 months. We have minor food allergies in our families (both Neil and I)
2. While she loves watching us eat she hasn't reached for our food yet. Unless I hold it out to her. Then she's leaning for it and wanting it. 
3. I am not emotionally ready for it. I know Neil isn't either. My baby girl eating SOLIDS? Even if they are liquidy solids to start

I am just not sure. There are way more pros than cons. But is it the right time? If we start now and she does have food allergies, will I forever blame myself? Although my instincts are telling me she is ready, my logic is saying wait more time. Argh! I wish something like when to start solids, which is supposed to be easy, was actually easy.

Everyday something new

Today at the zoo Maddy stuck her thumb (and just her thumb) in her mouth. To date we have had the whole fist in there. Maybe a few fingers. But this is her first thumb alone!

When we got home I put her bottle on her lap. She grabbed it and lifted it to her mouth! It didn't stay there, but it's a start. But when we feed her now she insists on holding onto the nipple of the bottle. Which loosens her latch and causes formula to go everywhere. Or she'll pull the bottle out of her mouth and then grump since her food is gone. And it adds so much time to a feed. But she just has be involved in the feeding. I think she's going to be an independent one.

She's really noticed the dogs and loves to interact with them. She starts to laugh and smile then will lean forward to try to put them in her mouth. The dogs? They see this as a great opportunity to give her a big kiss. And, no, I have not always been able to pull her away in time!

Everyday there is more interaction and something new. She's just so much fun!

On the lighter side of things...

MADDY!

Seriously, how cute is this child!? Tummy time! With extra drool.

More about me

This is something I have spoken about with friends in person but haven't mentioned on the blog. But I now feel it's the time to share. There was a complication after Maddy's birth.

If you recall, it was a bit of a traumatic birth. I finally found out what happened. I had a third degree tear plus the episiotomy. And after coming home, I had issues with bowel control. Namely, I had no control. I spoke to my doctor about it and she said to wait 6 weeks, to see if I got control back. And I did. Somewhat. But it was definitely not normal, despite doing kegals for hours (yes, hours) a day. My doctor referred me to a gynecologist. That took 6 weeks to get into. Then I was to be sent for a rectal ultrasound. If there was a tear, I would need surgery. If there wasn't a tear then likely more kegals and/or physiotherapy. One month after the appointment I had heard nothing about the ultrasound so I called the doctor's office. Turns out the ultrasound appointment was for the exact date and time I called. There was no way I could get child care for Maddy and be at the hospital in seconds. We rescheduled. 

Today I had the ultrasound. And? No tear! No surgery! WA HOO!! The journey is not over, but at least there will be no more cutting of the girl parts and the associated areas. They have had enough for this year. 

The books never mentioned this as a potential complication although every medical professional I speak to says this is more common that people think. I was ready for hemorrhoids, tearing, cutting, stretch marks, swelling... everything but this. No one warned me this could happen. I came home sore, tired. stressed and hormonal. I was responsible for the care of this tiny, delicate human being. I was fighting to be able to breastfeed my child. And on top of it all I was not able to do something I have had control of since about 2 years old. Neil has been nothing but supportive and positive through this all. But I just wasn't ready for this. It was all overwhelming.  

Why am I sharing this likely too personal information? Because I felt alone. I felt like I was the only person dealing with this complication. And it was demoralizing. Humiliating. And if anyone I know or anyone who reads this had to go through something similar I want them to know they aren't alone. 

All's good here!

Guess what I was going to talk about? Sleep! Of course. It's all we seem to talk about on this blog. Maddy and her sleep habits. Last night was hard. Tonight was better. But it's all about sleep. Getting Maddy to nap. Getting her down at night. Nap, nap, sleep, nap, nap ad nauseum. How dull... Today I will blog about something different. 

Well, this is crib related, but not about sleep. At one time Maddy would rotate like a little clock in her sleep. Since we stopped swaddling she's not as circular but she will roll on to her tummy. That does not impress her. Or the cutest is when she will lay on her side and bring her little fist into her mouth to suckle on. She doesn't move down to the foot of the crib anymore either.

I spoke too soon. We have wailing.

 I went in and held her and rocked her for 10 minutes. Her crying would slow to the adorable little mews she makes as she falls asleep when upset. But then she'd startle awake and begin wailing again. One dose of baby tylenol and 10 minutes later and she fell fast asleep on my chest. I love the feeling of her warm little body in my arms, the smell of her freshly washed hair, her head nestled into my neck, her fist in her mouth, listening to her snotty little sighs as she sleeps comfortably and safely. Something is hurting her. Her teeth? Her head? I know she's healthy and there is nothing seriously wrong. I just wish I could make it so that she never felt any pain again.  

She's getting to be so much more fun now. As my doctor put it, the first three months of your child is rather like having a gerbil. You feed it, change it, look at it... but there is little interaction. We are beyond those times and have a blast together. Maddy loves being sung to, tongues sticking out, tickles, her feet being lifted, bouncing on our knees. She is trying to converse. She'll look us in the eye and very seriously coo and gurgle. Then smile and laugh at whatever it is she said. But she is still good with being alone and amusing herself which is awesome too. Everyday we see just a little more of her her fabulous and big personality. I am enjoying every second of this time with her but I also can't wait to see as more of her personality comes through. 

A good night down

After a grumpy-ish day and a VERY grumpy afternoon we had a perfect night routine! But one thing Neil suggested was that we give her Motrin. And it worked. So maybe it's more than just tired. Maybe she's in some pain. Teething? Or maybe it's her head. We have been doing a lot of tummy time and excersaucer and bumbo and standing and sitting on mom's lap and it's making a real difference. The back left side of her head is really rounding out. And the right side is starting to make a move out too. Could she be having headaches? It'll all be easier when she can talk! Louder, but easier *grin*

It's been awhile since I spoke about...

... ME!

So, what about me? I am doing pretty well, thanks for asking!

A few weeks ago I cut my hair. There was the short in February and then the OMG short a few weeks ago. It was about 1-2 inches long. It's an awesome style for getting ready quickly. However, it was quite... un-feminine. It's growing out now and much better. The cut was done well, it was just the length. In about 3 more weeks it'll be just right. I am also trying to lose some weight. I am pretty close to the weight I was when I got pregnant. But I am definitely a different (saggier) shape. My goal is to lose 30 pounds (4 pounds down now). Even though I am not at my ideal weight, yesterday I did something wild n' crazy. I bought skinny jeans! I have been a big fan of the baggy boot-cut forever but the fit? It wasn't right anymore. I looked saggy. The (young) sales lady grabbed her favorite style and handed them to me. Skinny jeans. I was reluctant but tried them on. And I liked them on me. I took them home and showed Neil. He agreed, they looked good. In about 26 pounds they will look better, but for having an 18 week old, I am happy. Oh! And I found an anti-wrinkle cream I really love. Prevera. It's working well and only $30 a jar. Hmmm... new hair (like I had when I was in my 20's), skinny jeans and anti-wrinkle cream. Is someone feeling old? *grin*

Emotionally? I am doing well too. The biggest struggle is convincing someone adorable yet oh so stubborn to sleep. It's hard to spend my days obsessing about the sleep patterns of Maddy. Watching for signs of tired then trying to put her down. When she's well rested she's the most happy, giggly, smiley and playful child ever. When she's tired, she's a grump. She is set off by the smallest thing and cries. Wails! I think the most difficult part is that I know what is wrong, I know what she needs. Sleep. But she fights me on it, while at the same time I know she wants me to make it all better. Is this some kind of foreshadowing with life as a teenager? After 4 months of trying everything to lure her to sleep we are now using a modified Cry it out (CIO). And it's hard. But after trying so many other methods we had to do something to bring it all under control. And we're seeing signs of it working! That makes it all worthwhile. My parents tell me it's retribution, that I was a poor sleeper. Karma? You suck. I thought you should know.

The only other struggle, minor in comparison, is the loss of the old Wendy. I am a mom right now, almost all the time. I miss my hobbies, going out with friends, working (yes, working!). I miss spending evenings out with Neil, doing errands. Right now our evenings are spent keeping someone calm until they are ready for bed then relaxing around the house. But always on alert for her to wake and then we start the calming all over again. Or cooking, cleaning, washing dishes and laundry. It's constant. And how can you do it all AND work? I am months away from facing that reality and already I can't imagine how other women do it. And they do it with TWO children... it's inconceivable.... *shudder*

Apparently I like talking about me! Although even when it's about me, it's about Maddy. Being a mother is truly constant.

WOO HOO!

Maddy just went down to sleep without nary a peep! She had her bath, massage, book then last little feed. She was drowsy when I laid her down... and she went right to sleep! I am not saying it'll be the same tomorrow. Nor that she won't wake up before she's down for good... but yay! It's a long and complicated routine. And it'll be hard to put her down if we're out, like at baba and dido's. But yay!

Now just to tackle naps...

EDIT: It's after 10pm and she hasn't stirred. And, yes, we DID go in to check her breathing.

One year ago today...

One year ago today I peed on an advanced piece of technology. It that told me I was pregnant. Me. Having a baby. A HUMAN. I remember the disbelief at seeing "pregnant". Running down the stairs, waving the stick, to tell Neil. I remember the shock on his face. I remember us sitting there, talking and panicking and holding each other.Then the tendrils of excitement starting. We made a person, part me and part Neil. We ran out to the bookstore, to research what was happening in me and what we needed to do. Then we went to baba and dido's to tell them. I remember dad crying from joy. I remember mom starting to plan the wedding *grin*. Then off to the drugstore for vitamins. Finally, back home to let it all sink in.

It took awhile... but she's here! Dad is changing her diaper in the other room and I can hear her giggling. Our little Maddy, our baby girl who is already showing an awesome (and determined) personality. I can't wait to see what the next year will bring!