Back to the sleep talk

Sleep... I broke Maddy's sleep.

We tried CIO awhile ago. It was hard, but was sort of working. Until? A very bad few naps during the day and then a bad night... and I caved in. I held her until she fell asleep. But it was ok, she'd wake once or twice in the evening and then sleep soundly. She'd wake once for a feed and then go down again until morning. But the last few days haven't been the same. Maddy is now incapable of falling asleep unless she's in my arms and being fed a bottle. I trained her this way.

Last night she roused herself 5-6 times between 6-930pm. I had to go in to calm her, meaning I was there with her much of the night. I went to bed at 930. She was up at 1130, 330, 530 and every time she wanted a bottle and to be held by mom to go back to sleep. And when I tried to just give her a soother instead of the bottle? Meltdown. Loud, loud, loud meltdown. I was angry and frustrated at myself for creating this dependence and Maddy can sense that. It was next to impossible for me to calm her.

CIO is extra hard with Maddy. She cries herself into a fit and then just can't stop crying. And I mean 1-2 hours crying... No-cry solutions, where you go in and rub her back to calm her? Makes her crying worse. She knows we're near and is frantic. But we can't go on this way, with me getting up with her multiple times a night, like she's a newborn. She has to learn to fall asleep on her own. For her health and our sanity. So once again, we're going to start CIO.

In the evening it will be ok, Neil will be beside me and able to help me stay sane. During the day it will be hard. So so so so hard...