Month Forty

Oh my love,

This month? This month we started potty training you. We got rid of the highchair. And this is also the month you started acting oh so perfectly three.

First? Potty training. We started on Saturday May 18th. This first day? 11 pair of wet panties. 3 pees on the potty. And even one poo! Sunday was better with the peeing. Monday was so great! We took you out, you peed on potties out in public. Tuesday at daycare was... not good. But since Wednesday you have been so good with peeing on the potty! Some leaking in the evenings, I think your pelvic floor is tiring by the end of the day. But so so so good! Notice I stopped mentioning poo? Oh Maddy. This is where the struggle started. You have not pooed on the potty since Saturday. You are deathly terrified on pooing on the potty.

"Luckily" you are willing to poo in your pants. Twice a day at home (not as often at daycare). Tonight we tried to intercept your pants activity. Now I am just convinced you are constipated. And a doctor's visit is in your future. We are trying to talk you through it. Bribe you. Model for you. Hold you, to comfort your fears. Anything to convince you to poo on the potty. ANYTHING.  It's been a struggle. Right now our big trump card is we'll buy you a stroller AND a shopping cart from Target IF you poo in the potty. Your face will contort in PURE JOY at the thought of these toys. But no poo on the potty.

And we've already started trying to figure out what we'll have to do for poo number two...

Something easier! Highchair. We told you it went back home, to its mommy. You asked for it to come back a few times. We said it couldn't. And then you choose your spot. And have switched it around a few times... And now have taken your dad's former spot as your own. And it's awesome to have that space back!

And being three. I read a quote somewhere that all three year olds are assholes. This. THIS! You are willful and stubborn and have absolutely no attention span at all. Your little brain is always going in 100 different directions, 99 of them not what I need you to do. Of those 99, 75 of them are at least somewhat dangerous. And then when we ask you to stop walking backwards down the stairs while holding on to the rail like you are "pulling yourself down"? And then you lose your mind like we rammed bamboo under your fingernails when we ask you to stop? This. Or when you have to be physically restrained and carried into the bath, since you have developed an irrational fear of being sucked down the drain? And we cannot convince you that you are safe? And after potty training, and accidents and playing outside we HAVE to bathe you? This.

THIS.

But then there are beautiful moments. Moments where you help with things around the house. Offer to help us clean up. Show your manners. Set up elaborate tea parties for us. Tell jokes. Hug with 100% of your being. Laugh from your toes at our bad jokes. This is what really matters, this is what being your mom means. This is everything good about more than outweighs your three-ness.

I see your inner self, Maddy. And she is amazing and wonderful and loving and sweet and kind. And I am so lucky to get to try find the patience for those moments when the three comes out. Because on the other side it is... amazing.

Love always,

--mom