Month Thirty-Seven

My Maddy,

You are 37 months old today! Although, really, I always just say 3. You are so very very three.

On Saturdays baba bought you a "music" class. It's a class with about 6 other kids from 18 months to you, all singing and playing with "drums" in the form of upside down bowls and tambourines and, well, anything that moves or makes sounds. And you love your class! Now that you have the routine down. Last Saturday teacher Stephanie asked you to collect something from the class. And... you did. You went around to all the kids, all younger and smaller than you, and gently held out the box. They (often with the help of their parents) placed their toys eggs in the box. And I sat there with moist eyes and glowed. My BIG girl!

You really are getting to be so "helpful" now. You insist on getting your vitamins every morning. And you often get the milk. You help carry things to the table and back again. You have even taken to helping me cook dinner, by mixing and tasting things. I am trying to remember patience, that even though it's LONGER for you to do something, you are LEARNING as you do. I know very well how to hang my coat and set the table and open the milk. And now it's your turn.

Yesterday, when we got home, I started making dinner. You were not interested in helping and wandered off to your room. And shut the door. I am trying to already respect your space, and lightly knocked before opening the door. And you were happily playing. I kept checking back, and the last time I found you nestled into your big pink bear, happily playing on your tablet. So much like a teenager... I just shut the door and stood there. Then? Went and got my phone because I all I could think of doing was getting a picture.

This weekend we tried for a no-nap weekend. Saturday instead of a nap we went off and did errands. And you were reasonably well behaved. Then we got in the car to drive home and you crashed. I can't remember the last time you napped in your car seat... but you were out. Holding on to your Kinder Egg, the toy that brings you the most joy EVAR. As your dad and I sat in the garage, eating a burger, surfing on our phones. 

Then, that evening, we went to Aunty Kaff-leen's. And we let go of the reins just a little more. You, Hannagh, Liam and James went downstairs and played together. As we sat upstairs and drank wine and talked and laughed. And went down to check on you every once in awhile. Because we are loosening the reins, not letting go completely! We didn't leave until 9:10pm. You weren't in bed until 10pm. You were up at 7:20am. We did NOT have no-nap Sunday. You were a complete grump all morning, had a 2 hour nap and then woke up your usual self. 

We are learning. We are learning that the strict routine you once needed is outgrowing you. We are learning that you are ready to take on more challenges. More independence. Later (occasional) bedtimes. We are learning to let go just a little. We are all learning the new challenges associated with three. Three years old. Three people who are part of this crazy family. 

Three. 

One month of three and it's awesome. 

I love you Maddy! 

--mom

Why this started in the first place...

This weekend I was cleaning out our bedroom. We have SO MUCH STUFF. And I don't want to have so much stuff. So I was trying to get rid of... stuff. Instead of adding to the "get rid of" pile, I took a few things out. Oops. But I did find a very very old journal. And read a few (horribly embarrassing) pages. And then I remembered why I started this blog in the first place.

My memory SUCKS.

As I read the words in this journal, I had absolutely no recollection at ALL of the things I said I did. I mean, there wasn't even a glimmer of "oh yah!". Just.... REALLY?! I did WHAT? When?

Me...?

This isn't a new lesson. I guess I just... forgot... how bad my memory is. And why I wanted this online journal to capture everything that I see in you, everything that I want you to know about you growing up. So, I am going to re-commit to writing. Hopefully.

If I remember.

This week we had the 3 year check up. And, Maddy, you were an old PRO at the doctor's office. You said "aaaah!" and let him look in your ears and listen to your heart and breathing. You were awesome. And in the waiting room you behaved (although you commented on everything around you). But you are pretty tall and still quite heavy. And you are perfectly, wonderfully, BEAUTIFULLY healthy.

About me? I am in a state of flux. I was in a job I loved, that I gave everything I had (including my health) to. And when the job was posted in a more permanent capacity, I applied. Didn't get the job. And this broke my heart. Now I am watching the work I did... change. The things I set in place, change. So much change. And none of those hours of effort, sleepless nights, stress, evenings and weekend are even there anymore. Which has helped my put it all into perspective. What matters is Maddy. And Neil. And Walter. And family and friends. And taking care of me. Work is just what happens to pay the bills for the things that matter. So now I am waiting to see what happens next. In a strange holding pattern.

Although as I write these words I am reminded that while I wait, life still happens. So instead of participating in, I am opting out. And that also is a lesson I have learned before - that life happens as I wait, and I miss so much. Still, I feel powerless to move.

Or maybe it's just the head cold. Such a nasty cold!

Time will tell. I just hope I remember to write it down.