Monday, May 31, 2010

Still working on the sleep-thang

Well, we're still working on Maddy's sleep. She had her bath, got her massage, was supposed to get a book read but she was a little grumpy. She had a small feed and was laid down. And she cried... but it was better again tonight. Although we made yet another change as of last night, we stopped swaddling her. She'd wake in the middle of the night and pull her arms and feet out. If not that, then she'd try to roll on her tummy while her arms were tight to her sides, which makes me have flashes of her little face buried in the mattress of her crib. And this way she can suckle her fingers, if she needs. But no swaddling? It meant a 2am waking. And then a 4am waking. Then up for good at 7am. She hasn't woken twice in one night in... months. But these little changes will mean we will have a little girl who will have healthy sleep habits. She looks exactly like her dad, I hope she falls asleep like him (aka in about 3 minutes). As a child I had a hard time falling asleep. Part of it was that no one really explained that closing your eyes made falling asleep easier... Despite now knowing I should close my eyes, I still have a hard time falling asleep.

Today we had a full day of errands, so Maddy napped on the go, mostly. Other than the 20 minutes she slept in my arms on the couch with me, at baba and dido's. She's a good on-the-go napper, in short amounts. But at home? Sleep is not a thing she's interested in. Oh well, we'll get this all sorted out soon. And now? This way too tired mom needs to sleep herself! G'night!

Saturday, May 29, 2010

Night three of CIO

SO much better! About 10 minutes of crying (not wailing) and then one or two awakenings where she fussed then went back down. I am not about to believe this is going to be it, that we have it. But after the last 2 nights of agony this is a welcome respite.

Maddy's a rotating sleeper. She starts with her head at 12 o'clock. By the time fussing stops it's at about 2 o'clock. Before Neil and I went to bed last night it was at 5 o'clock. At 230am, for her feed? at 11 o'clock. The problem is she's almost longer than the crib is wide, which means once I went in there and her little feet were between the crib slats (still in her swaddle).

Today is also the day we switched Maddy to the next level of bottle nipples. For 3-6 months, with a larger opening. It was hard for her at first, she'd almost choke on the increased flow. But by the end of the day she had it pretty well down. It means feeds are MUCH faster and it'll also get her ready for the feeling of the extra-runny solids that she'll be starting in the next month or two. We tried these nipples about a month ago and it was just too much for her. And me. But today we had success!

Tonight the snow is gently falling (yes, I said snow) and I am watching the leaves on the trees get heavy and point to the ground. My husband is making music in the basement, and I can hear the funky notes through the floor. My daughter is peacefully sleeping in her crib, with the occasional sigh coming through the monitor. And I am sitting, drinking wine and reviewing my journey to get to meet Maddy and what has happened since. I am so thankful for this blog, for a place to record my thoughts. And that I can share this adventure with friends and family. For whoever is reading this blog, thank you for coming on this journey with me. And, hey, if you are here, please leave a comment! Let me know who is with me so I won't repeat me stories to you in person too *grin*

A riddle

What do you do when you love to roll on to your tummy from your back but hate tummy time?

Why, you grump of course!

Oh Madds, you are always so much fun *grin*

Friday, May 28, 2010

Night two of CIO

Well, we had an awesome day today! Had a good nap this morning. Went to lunch with my coworkers to celebrate a friend's wedding. Had a great time catching up! Then went to another friend's to pick up a jogging stroller. And Maddy was sweet all day. We came home and sang and played and had fun. Dad came home and hung with the Maddster. She got a little fussy, showing signs of tired. As she was having a feed she fell asleep. I woke her slightly, laid her down and she was out. About 45 minutes later she woke and cried. I went in to feed her and then laid her down.

And then the crying really started.

It's so hard... I know she's scared, she wants to be held. Biologically she knows being alone is bad. It's instinct. Preservation. And instead of responding to her cries I left her. Alone and upset. She'd stop. And then a few minutes later, louder... more desperate... Neil held me as I cried. It's just so hard to leave her alone. But it's right. I know it's right. It has to be done. She has to learn to fall asleep alone.

Being a parent is hard. It's constant. It's everything. And everything changes.

But look at her! That smile? Makes it all worth it.

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Night one of CIO

We are trying to get Maddy's sleep-issues in check, before they get any worse. Our biggest concern is how hard it is to lull her into sleep (swaddled, rocking in the chair and jiggling her while she sucks on a bottle or my finger), then we gently lay her down not to wake her and then sneak out. We'll have to go back at least twice and re-soothe. Tonight? Tonight we laid her down while relaxed but awake and we're letting her put herself to sleep (aka CIO).

We have to do this. She has to learn to put herself to sleep. We need her to, so that we can leave her in the evening without a 2 hour tutorial on how to soothe her. It's been 45 minutes. I think the crying stopped. But the sound of her frantic cries, wanting us to come in and hold her. Be with her... I know this is the right thing. But it's not the EASY thing. Why can't right and easy be the same?

EDIT: As I was typing this she stopped. Damn, it was hard. And tomorrow will be hard too. I hope it'll be shorter than today was. And now I am heading to bed... this has exhausted me.

Roll over!

Maddy rolled over, from back to tummy, for the first time today! And the little show off did it in front of company too *grin*

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

She tried to crawl?

Tonight we had Maddy on her tummy, working on tummy time. The little muffin put her head down and then raised her butt in the air and pushed with her feet. She moved. Forward. On her belly. About 1-2 inches. Not far but... sort of like... like initial... CRAWLING. Neil said it was just instinct. But... really? Is it instinct? Or is she refusing to act her age already?! The teenage years are going to be frightening...

Growing and growing and growing...

Start by looking here

Now? Here is 4 months.

A different angle, yes. But look at her!

And the shirt she's wearing? From a friend at Alberta Education. It's one of my favorites and fits her perfectly.

Month four letter

Dear Maddy,

Four months old already! How the time is flying by.

This month has brought so many changes in you. You are so much more alert and interactive. You are exploring your world and learning how your body works. The biggest thing is you found your toes! Some milestone charts say that isn't supposed to happen until 6 months or so. And with finding your toes, you have started the toe grab shimmy. You grab your toes, twist and throw your legs down. This results in you moving in a circle, with your head as an anchor. It's awesome to see, but makes us realize that true locomotion is coming. We started baby-proofing the house, just to be sure. And of course the dogs immediately pried off the outlet covers and are using them as a chew toy. You are reaching and grabbing at things and everything makes the slow-motion move to your mouth, once it's in your hands. Imagine your frustration when you miss your mouth, the item won't reach or the worst is when your little hands pull the item out again! You LOVE standing up on our laps. Although you throw your cute little tooshy out and random intervals, causing you to lurch forward and us to scramble to keep you upright. Despite loving standing, you are not 100% keen on your carrier or exersaucer yet. But we have to spend as much time with you off your back, since your head is a wee bit flat in the back. I guess that means constant rotation through the different places.

What hasn't changed? The fact you are growing like a weed and hating the sleep. Yesterday was an especially bad day, today is better. We know when you are tired and we can often soothe you to sleep. But you refuse to self-soothe and put yourself down. Hours of crying and you are still awake. Oh well, we'll learn that skill eventually. Because as a teenager I am pretty sure you won't want me cuddling you and gently rocking you... Oh! And teething signs. They are still showing themselves. The gnawing, the drooling (omg the drooling!), and the occasional grumpiness from gum soreness. But no teeth yet! I will miss your crazy happy gummy smile, once your teeth start to come.

Things to remember? Your talking. Now that you are exploring your body, your talking has slowed. In fact, now (unless you are crying) you don't open your mouth but just make "oooing" sounds through your pursed lips. Despite that, you are really quite loud! I can't imagine the sounds, once you remember to open your mouth. But when you cry, you don't just wail but babble. Some sounds? They sound like "ma ma  ma ma ma". Yes, that breaks my heart! You are looking more and more like your father everyday. I see so much of him and sometimes, when you are falling asleep in my arms, I see baba's eyes in yours. You still love to hear "My Maddy Lies over the Ocean" and dad sings "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer" to you, which you love also. Sticking our tongues out makes you giggle nearly every time. We still do anything we can to make you laugh! You also ALMOST rolled over from back to front. But then your pesky arm got in the way... but so close! To fall asleep we swaddle you still, and gently rock you and you suckle yourself to sleep. We have started sitting you in your bumbo, on the table, to watch us eat. It fascinates you, what we do! What else... much of your birth hair has fallen out. It's growing in quickly (and lighter) but the bit that remained? It's so long! We could easily put a little barrette in it, which means we can move it to simulate a little comb-over. It's cute on a little baby girl, no one else.

I love you so much, my Maddy. You are my world. You are dad's, baba's and dido's world too. We are all fascinated by watching you move and learn and grow. Two-thirds of a year has passed... flown by. And everyday I am more amazed that you are here, that you are my daughter. I can't wait to see what this month will bring!



Tuesday, May 25, 2010

4 month immunization

Before I forget:

Weight: 15 pounds, 14 ounces. Only a few ounces more that the last mom's group nearly 3 weeks ago. And 90th percentile still. But slowing down.
Height: 24.5 inches. Which puts her at about 60th percentile this time, compared to 90th last time. Was she measured wrong? Who knows.
Head: I didn't get the number but 97th percentile. On the larger side *grin*

Speaking of head... Maddy is being referred to the plagiocephaly clinic, to look at her flat back head. The nurse assures us that Maddy is likely just fine and we'll just need to work on more tummy, bumbo and exersaucer time, (off her back) likely it'll correct itself. But just in case we're going to get her checked out.

Otherwise she was poked 3 times and took it like a trooper. Some crying, then a little bottle and she was all good. Napped for a few minutes then was good to go. But only a few minutes... today has NOT been a good nap day. Which means we have a grumpy girl. And a tired mom. But the amazing dad bought the tired mom Bliss cupcakes, since she was craving them. Damn, I love my husband.

Saturday, May 22, 2010

More about sleep

Sleep. The favorite topic on this blog! I look back and see months ago how I claim I am "learning" Maddy's sleep signs/schedule/patterns. Either I am a slooooooow learner or Maddy is challenging. I think maybe a bit of both? *grin*

Maddy is sleeping better at night again. She's sleeping for about 11 hours at a time again (although it takes a few soothes to calm her at night). And her bedtime seems to be about 730pm now. Yay! We have some adult time before we go to bed, and 630 am isn't too early to wake in the morning. I can't believe I typed that... 630am used to be OMFG EARLY before Maddy. How we change as parents.

Yesterday Maddy slept most of the day and then slept for 11 hours at night. I was worried, that she was sleeping too much. But "they" say she should be sleeping about 14 hours and I think she slept about 16 hours. Not too much more and I think she had a bit of a deficit. And Maddy is still not napping as long as she should. She wakes from her nap still yawning and is sowing signs of tiredness sometimes within 30 minutes. But then we're just putting her down for more sleep, in hopes that she'll catch on and nap as long as her little body needs.

Today I tried laying her down not swaddled. She was fast asleep, but as she hit the crib her hands came up to her face and woke her up enough that she noticed her fingers and started sucking on them. Which lead to an awake (and grumpy) Maddy. How do parents do it, without swaddling? We'll have to figure it out soon... Maddy is now wearing 6-9month clothes and her swaddlers are getting small.

Yes, my little girl is not that little anymore! On Tuesday we go for her 4 month immunization and we'll get her weighed and measured. Judging by her clothing size and comparing her to other kids at moms groups she's gonna be off the charts!

Friday, May 21, 2010

Best. Video. EVAR.

Neil took this video a few days ago.


Excuse the quality, it was taken with a cell phone and then converted. But seriously... how cute is she??!

Thursday, May 20, 2010

More firsts!

Today Maddy discovered her toes. She's now held them firmly in her tiny little hands in excitement! But that also means she's learned to roll her body. Well, more like shimmy. She was able to move 180 degrees, with the toe-grab shimmy. This means preliminary locomotion... OMG SHE MOVES NOW TOO! Life will never be the same, who knows where she'll end up once we lay her on the ground. Is it me, or is this happening way too freaking fast?

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

4 month sleep regression

Our awesomer than awesome night sleeper? She's not doing as well now. And, no, she hasn't morphed to a good day sleeper either. I have read about the 4 month sleep regression and I think we're now living it. Maddy is sleeping more like she did when she was first home (numerous wakings). This is an awesome article on the 4 month sleep regression. And it really fits... Maddy is doing something new everyday! It's got to fill her brain and make it all so much harder.

Something new everyday... that leads to many firsts. At mom's group yesterday Maddy noticed another child for the first time. She just stared in fascination at the little girl. Today she noticed the dogs running around her car seat (and giggled at them), and she's also learning about her feet - she's grabbing her pant legs and trying to pull her feet to her face. She's trying to roll over on her belly (not there yet, but trying). One morning I walked into her room. She was swaddled and was trying to roll over to her tummy. She was on her side and looking up. That would NOT have been good, while swaddled... Today we went to the zoo for the first time. I went with another mommy friend. We spent much of the time feeding, the babies or me (I didn't get the chance to eat before we left) but it was wonderful to get outside, see the animals and see all the kids running around - our future!

Maddy is also 16 weeks old. How did that happen? We could conceivably start her on solids any day now. I am not sure she has the interest yet and she's still doing ok with her formula. But solids already! I am not sure I am emotionally ready for that...

Also, I am finished with breastfeeding. Many weeks ago Maddy began refusing the breast. She just had no interest in it. I was pumping once a day, to try to keep some breastmilk in Maddy's life. But I was getting so little and I kept running out of time. Neil said that if I truly wanted to, I would have found the time. And that is true... I just never liked attaching a machine to my chest and sitting there, listening to the motor whir. Maddy's doing well, with her poos, now. At least the last few days there has been no constipation. But it's also sad to know that function is over... that we really failed in the breastfeeding arena and there are no more chances to make it work. I look at Maddy, and how much she's growing, and I know she's healthy and doing well. But I just wish I could have been there for her.

Maddy has been napping for 30 minutes now... her usual nap length! Time to get ready for her awakening, soon. A little more time would let me get a little more done but this is Maddy's way.

Sunday, May 16, 2010

when I was pregnant...

When I was pregnant I remember it all seeming so unreal. A baby? In ME?

A few months in I was at Jocelyn's place, looking through some of her baby clothes. We sat on the floor, sorting through a huge tupperware container filled with adorable little girl clothes. I looked, I aaaaw'ed, I held them in my hands. But when I picked up one piece of clothing, little flowered shorts, for some reason it became real. I was growing a person, a person who would wear these shorts.

It feels like a lifetime ago, sitting on the floor of a friend's house dreaming about having a daughter. Tonight she's here, being shushed to sleep by her father... and today she was wearing those little flowered shorts.

Saturday, May 15, 2010

It is all about sleep...

Yesterday Maddy had a great night sleep and had good naps. And? She was amazing! Today? Not as good of naps... and she was a bear by afternoon. At that point, sleep is the enemy and naps are refused. Although I am quite sleep deprived from working a casino last night. Asleep at 3am, up at 450am for a feed. Back down at 530 until 830. I haven't had such little sleep since the start... It really reminds me how lucky we have been to date with Maddy sleeping so well at night.

Despite Maddy's mood, in the last 2 days we have gotten so many errands done! Although where before I would be working hard, in the middle of it all, today I was tending to Maddy. Garden is almost totally in and beds weeded (mom's and dad's efforts), lawn mowed and garage cleaned (both Neil's hard work), and the bathtub has been re-caulked (my job). And Maddy was entertained (all of us, working hard). We even put her on the grass for the first time today! She didn't seem to notice, but we took pics. Baba and I also took Maddy and the dog's on a walk, and this was the first time we sat Maddy in the stroller, without the car seat. I think by the end it was all too much and instead of napping she started the meltdowns. But more firsts!

At dinner tonight she sat on baba's lap and we watched for signs of interest in food. She stared at it all, but no reaching yet. Because of her size, we think she'll be starting solids much before 6 months. I bought the first container of rice cereal. I can't believe solids and open cups and spoons are starting so soon! Time is already flying by.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

So tired and so unhappy

Maddy is exhausted. She's so very very tired... but again she refuses to sleep. I have her in her crib, CIO right now. She's heartbroken that I am not coming... and when she cries it almost sounds like "mommy". But she has to learn sleep is not the enemy and sleeping in her crib is ok. We just came back from a 45 minute car ride. 15 minutes of that was screaming, until she fell asleep for 15 minutes. But then she was up, looking around, wanting to see what's going on.

Oh Maddy girl, you're breaking my heart as I am breaking yours... please, baby girl, please sleep...

EDIT: I gave in. After 1 hour and 20 minutes and many many tears (mine and her's) I went in. She was still wailing like she was being tortured. And? She was... She fell asleep instantly in my arms and slept for about 30 minutes in her crib. She was up and happy for a few hours but by 630-ish she was grumpy. She got a very good feed and was down around 730pm. After 2 awakenings she's fast asleep. Maybe I shouldn't fight it. She is an awesomer than awesome night sleeper. I'll need to find another way to get her to be a better day sleeper, rather than CIO. Apparently my daughter is even more stubborn than I am. Oy vey... I am in trouble...

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Neil's new glasses

I was reminded that I said I'd post this picture! He's mugging for the camera a bit (a lot) but doesn't he look so handsome?

Otherwise today has been a wonderful day! Maddy and I went to the mall to meet with friends. And this morning we really worked on the napping. Which meant she was a happier baby all day. And at 745pm she seemed tired. She had a little feed and then was soothed until she was calm. And has now been sleeping for about 30 minutes. A normal baby bedtime! Which means I can get a few things done around the house now, and blog and catch up on my silly (and annoying for FB friend's) FB games. Yesterday? Yesterday was less happy. Maddy was an overtired mess and had a few meltdowns during the day and a few morning in the evening. All evening... Sleep is so important to her. And I am (too) slowly learning her signs.

Aack. Fussing.

And she's soothed and back to sleep!

I am learning her signs. And I have to remember to watch her, not what I think she should be doing. She just woke from a full night's sleep about 1 hour ago? She could still be sleepy and need a nap. And I need to watch for that. I did today.

One more picture! Maddy, in one of my favorite onsies ever! Only because it's so absolutely true!

Happy Tuesday!

Sunday, May 9, 2010


Today I put Maddy on her stomach, for her daily tummy time. I placed her down, propped on her arms. And? She fell over on her side. So I picked her up again and this time? This time pointed the video camera at her. And? And?

SHE ROLLED OVER! From tummy to back, for the very first time. Caught on tape!! Well... not tape. It's digital. So caught on... um... Well. It's caught!!! Not the best angle and my voice? Ick.

But yay!!!

First Mother's Day

My first Mother's Day. It's so hard to believe it, that I am a mom. I am responsible for the care and upbringing of a human being. Of Maddy! It still boggles the mind, I keep thinking it must be a dream. That I will wake up and life will revert back to just me and Neil.

Yesterday we celebrated. We went to my parent's for food and visiting. And exchanged gifts. Maddy and Daddy got me a gorgeous purse, a gift card and a stunning bracelet. We got baba a digital picture frame and some flowers. Today is a quieter day, getting household chores done and relaxing. For me, now, getting the household chores done is my way to relax. That is so broken, so different than I was before. Maddy? Your mom used to be much more lax about cleaning, before you. Now I want you to live in a clean home, a safe home, so I clean much more! It actually bothers me when there are dishes in the sink, where before a few days could pass and I wouldn't even flinch.

Let me start with a TMI warning for the info below.

Now that we have warned you... It was also one year ago today that Maddy was conceived. One year ago! So much has changed in the last year, so much is different. But everything in life is better, with you here Maddy. We didn't mean to start our family this soon, but it is perfect now.

Saturday, May 8, 2010

More firsts!

This one is not as fun. Maddy's first blister! We had her in an adorable pair of little hot pink mary jane shoes. And the elastic over the top of her foot? It gave her the first blister of her short life. Quickly those shoes were removed (never to be worn again) and many kisses helped the owie from the shoes. But, Maddy, if you want to be a real fashionista? This may be your first blister but will not be your last!

Friday, May 7, 2010

Today I went to work

And I went to work without Maddy. To actually work. For the government. For free. Yes, that is weird. But it also was wonderful. It was wonderful to be Wendy the employee again. While I wasn't given too many challenging tasks, but I was able to talk about non-parenting things, be an adult again. And then I came home to my beautiful (napping!!) little girl and the world is back to it's wonderful normal again. But for 3 hours? I had the chance to be the old me.

Thursday, May 6, 2010

My body is done with Maddy

My period started again yesterday. First time in almost exactly 1 year... my body is done with the steps it takes to make and nourish Maddy and is biologically ready to start again.

In some ways, I feel betrayed by my body. Maddy is still so young and needs me. How can it be ready to start all over again? I know that the reason it's happening is because I couldn't breastfeed. Which, again, feels like my body betrayed my little girl. Although my body was a super champ through out the pregnancy. I guess it shouldn't be expected to be perfect all the time.

Although this also means that my body is all my own again. It's going back to the state is was in for decades (yes, decades) before, it's back to "normal". But what does normal mean now, with the extra weight and changed shape?

And this has also made me miss being pregnant. To having that little life inside me, being cared for by me. The last month of my pregnancy was hard, but even that I miss. Running my hands over my huge round belly, feeling Sprout kick, daydreaming what she'd be like... There were some complications from the labour, which I am still dealing with. So there is no talk about becoming pregnant again any time soon! I just miss what was, not hope for what will be.

I never thought about what it would feel like, to have my period again. If anything, I thought it would be a non-issue. But there definitely is more to it than that.

Everyday, something new!

Everyday Maddy is doing something new. Yesterday we put her on her play mat and she reached up to play with the dangling parts. With purpose. Before she'd hit them accidentally. Today I put her wrist rattle on her and she knew it was there and shook it with purpose. Again, before it would make sound but only as she accidentally moved.

It is so amazing and exciting to watch her learn her world and interact!

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Weight update

Yesterday was the last mom's group, so my last chance to easily weight Maddy.

15 pounds, 13 ounces.

Although her diaper was full and her clothes on. So maybe 15 pounds, 10 ounces? about 9 ounces in one week! She grows and she grows fast.

I asked the nurse if there is anything we should worry about, about her growing too fast. Could something be wrong? She said no, this is just the speed at which Maddy grows. Mothers worry about the silliest things, I think.

Monday, May 3, 2010


Some firsts! Yesterday Maddy wore her first shoes. Little tiny quasi-sneakers. Pink, of course. Oh, and the jeans she's wearing? For 6-12 months. *sigh*

Today for the first time she picked up her awesome rattle (from Aunty Janene) with her left hand and put it in her mouth. Then pulled it out, of course. When Neil came home she was doing it again, and he was amazed. He may have begged her to slow down on the growing up.

Tonight we're having a very fussy night. Teething is the culprit, I think. Back to soothing a monkey girl who is refusing to nap. Joy joy!

Night three

I think Maddy has it, this crib sleeping thing. At least through the night. She went down at 10pm, was asleep until 6-ish, when Neil woke, and had a feed. Went back to bed at about 645am and still sleeps, 2 hours later. The only challenge left is to get her to bed earlier than 10pm. She's obviously exhausted and is a grump by 8pm but fights the sleep until around 10. We'll just put her down 10 minutes earlier a night and hopefully settle her that way. And establish a better sleep routine. I know this won't last. Something will cause a disruption. The first cold? Vacation? The 4-month sleep regression? But until then, we're going to enjoy every second.

Although I haven't been able to sleep since the morning feed. I think spending so much time in the house is making me see all the stuff that needs to be done! So much to purge and clean and organize. We really have so much stuff. Add baby stuff to that and it's a house full of STUFF. And Neil and I spent some time yesterday talking about the things that need to be done to the house, for when we move. It's not happening anytime soon, but one day sooner rather than later we'll be moving. And with a kid, we can't do it all at once. So, what do we need to still do to upgrade for maximum amount and speed of sale? One thing we have to do is replace the shingles. Better get dressed, a company is coming to quote a price very soon!

Sunday, May 2, 2010

Night two down too

Maddy slept for the second night in her crib. It was a bit harder to get her down. Our little Houdini would get out of her swaddle and then get upset. But by 1030pm she was fast asleep. She woke at 3am, with her right arm and right LEG out of the swaddle. We had a little snack and then back to sleep until 8am! And mom? She slept much better last night too. I had stupid weird dreams, but did sleep more. Although I would often incorporate the monitor, and checking the monitor, into my dreams. 

This, honestly, has been better than I ever imagined it going. I think most of it is due to the fact Maddy is a good night sleeper (and getting better about naps during the day). We have yet to have the guts to CIO (cry it out) and are going in to calm her when she fusses and then lay her back down, still partly awake. I miss having her beside us at night, but Neil and I can get back to our evening chats and reading before bed and other such stuffs. 

Saturday, May 1, 2010


We put Maddy down at 930-ish. It was hard, I worried... I cried. She was swaddled and laid down still awake. And I walked out of the room. And waited for the crying. The sleep sheep turned off, and I waited for the crying. We went to bed at about 11pm. And I waited for the crying. By midnight I was wondering if she was breathing... I listened as closely as I could to the monitor. I heard her breathe and rustle. I slept some but much of the night I listened to the monitor, and worried. This morning at 530am I heard a few noises, rushed downstairs and went into her room. She had wiggled down to the end of the crib (time to move the stuffies at the foot of the crib!) and was stirring. We had a little feed and then at about 510am I laid her back in her crib and went back upstairs. She slept until 830am!!

It was a perfect first night in her crib. But I still worried the entire night and slept horribly. I wanted her beside me still, so I could lean over and hear her breathe. It was harder on me than her, to be apart. Mom? I now understand your sleepless nights. Motherhood is a weird state of mind.