Thursday, May 6, 2010

My body is done with Maddy

My period started again yesterday. First time in almost exactly 1 year... my body is done with the steps it takes to make and nourish Maddy and is biologically ready to start again.

In some ways, I feel betrayed by my body. Maddy is still so young and needs me. How can it be ready to start all over again? I know that the reason it's happening is because I couldn't breastfeed. Which, again, feels like my body betrayed my little girl. Although my body was a super champ through out the pregnancy. I guess it shouldn't be expected to be perfect all the time.

Although this also means that my body is all my own again. It's going back to the state is was in for decades (yes, decades) before, it's back to "normal". But what does normal mean now, with the extra weight and changed shape?

And this has also made me miss being pregnant. To having that little life inside me, being cared for by me. The last month of my pregnancy was hard, but even that I miss. Running my hands over my huge round belly, feeling Sprout kick, daydreaming what she'd be like... There were some complications from the labour, which I am still dealing with. So there is no talk about becoming pregnant again any time soon! I just miss what was, not hope for what will be.

I never thought about what it would feel like, to have my period again. If anything, I thought it would be a non-issue. But there definitely is more to it than that.

No comments:

Post a Comment