Monday, June 29, 2009

New week, and we have a vegetable now!

I am now 9 weeks. It seems like it's going fast, but I feel better that there is still 31 weeks to go. We have known for a month now.

It's adorable how excited my dad is about Sprout. He just can't keep silent about it! And we are not yet ready to share with more people that we already have. At least for another 3 weeks or so. But then, once we feel it's time to tell the world, how to do it? A mass email? My facebook status?

I am starting to almost kind of show. My clothes are much too small now around the waist and I can't suck my belly in anymore. It's worse after I eat corn. I love the cheezies but I think I really have to pass on them for the next few months. They are NOT doing my waistline any favours (in more ways that the calories alone).

We have moved from the world of fruits to a brief foray into veggies (I have looked ahead... I know we come back to fruit later. Ending with a WATERMELON. Ouch).

Olive. With pimento even! We have now graduated from embryo to fetus. The basic physical structures are in place. We have a baby growing in there...

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Ok, maybe I feel pregnant now

I am starting to feel pregnant. My body is changing in some dramatic ways (no clothes fit!) and my hormones are "wonderfully" vibrant. I can go from annoyed to happy to weepy to mushy to exhausted in about 3 seconds flat. "They" say I am currently making extra hormones for the baby and this will start to subside around now so maybe I'll be less of a freak. I hope. It's amazing when your moods can even annoy yourself...

And I have lost my memory. I used to be ok (not great) at keeping life in order. I would remember where I parked the car, what I walked into a room to do, what needed to be done that day. Now, it's just disappeared. Thankfully Neil is there to remind me and he has been wonderful about that. The only thing I can seem to remember is how tired I am and how much I always want just a little nap. I really think there needs to be a nap room at the office. Just to close my eyes for 15 minutes would make me so much more productive!

We have a new fruit! We are now carrying a raspberry around

Although looking at that picture makes me crave raspberries (I am still in love with fruit). Is that cannibalistic? *grin*

Thursday, June 18, 2009

I cannot keep my mouth shut

I have told even MORE people. In the beginning Neil and I didn't want to tell too many people, just in case. But it's so hard for me to lie, it's so hard for me to keep a secret. Plus, me not drinking is something so strange to see that it must mean I am pregnant *grin*

But Lisa said something profound yesterday. By telling my closest friends, the core friends, if something does go wrong then I have a support system. Friends that I can share the happiness of this with and hopefully never need to lean on if there was unhappiness. Plus, it's wonderful to be able to talk to my friends that have children already - they know the joys of pregnancy and also can provide any advice on how to go about raising a human being.

I still feel wonderful. Tired sometimes (but not overwhelmingly tired), the dizziness is sporadic and getting better, my breasts are only a little tender, my sleep patterns are strange but I am used to it now so it feels normal, I am getting more used to the cravings (Fruit is my food-true love right now). All in all, so far, it's going well.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

We have a blueberry!

Sprout is now 7 weeks along. He is now a BLUEBERRY.

We have a brain, we have arms and legs and kidneys. We have a little tiny human forming!

I call Sprout a he, although I am not sure a gender yet. Sometimes I think boy, sometimes girl... but he is coming out easily and I'll run with that until I know for sure.

I am still feeling good! Still a little light headed, getting more and more tired everyday. And despite the tiredness, I am waking early in the morning. By around 530am I am up and then cat nap for the rest of the morning. But it's not so bad that I feel any need to get OUT of bed. I am content to lie there, fall in and out of sleep, dream a bit and watch Neil sleep. It completely creeps him out, but I think he looks so handsome and peaceful *grin*

I think the thing I struggle with most right now is that I feel useless. We have a couple of projects that need to get done this year. A big one is the re-stain the fence and strip the paint of the wood siding on the house and repaint it. It must be done, to preserve the fence and house.

But I cannot help.

I can't strip paint, since the old stuff is from the 50's (it was light green... ick!) and could easily contain lead. Which I could inhale. Which is harmful to Sprout. I can't help with the staining. While acrylic paint is ok in a very well ventilated area, stain carries a warning about potential harm to the baby.

I think if I was out to there or at least SHOWING it would make it real and make my uselessness feel more legitmate and less about being lazy. Instead, I have to conscript my parents to do this work for me and help Neil as I sit inside and watch TV in the air conditioning. Actually, I will be inside compulsively cleaning and throwing things out that we don't use. My nesting to date has expressed itself in getting rid of STUFF. Hormones are so much fun!

Friday, June 12, 2009

Nuchal scan booked

The Nuchal scan has been booked. July 27th, at the Royal Alex. Because (again) I have magically morphed into the "high risk" world, I can't get the test done at a community centre and have to go to the hospital. It interests me how that one little year, 34 to 35, makes such a difference in how I am being treated. That one year changes everything.

For the last 11 years I have been driving a 1998 Pontiac Firefly. And my little red car (aka Berry) is on it's last legs. I paid around $6000 for this car brand new. It has absolutely NO frills or extras (not even power steering) and for the price it has done me so extremely well. But it's slowly falling apart. I could throw more money at it, but I am not sure Sprout and their car seat and everything else that is required, 2 dogs, a man that is 6'5" tall and I will fit in a 4 passenger, 2 door hatchback. So the hunt for a new car has begun! Well, make that a new USED car. I am going on mat leave which means there will be little money to go around for huge car payments. We are just looking for air conditioning, 4 doors and a decent sized trunk. Plus a good rating in the Lemon-Aid book.

Although I have one irrational need that I have added. It has to be an automatic.

I have been driving standard since I bought my first car. All my cars have been manuals. Although I have never been 100% comfortable on steep hills (people always seem to edge up to my bumper and I am scared of rolling back into them) I have never (knock on wood) had any accidents because of it. But now I have this compulsion to have an automatic. I don't want the additional stress of having MY CHILD in the car on a hill and the fear of rolling back.

It's the same with the air conditioning. When it was just me, or me and Neil, I thought we could make do - we didn't NEED it. But I want Sprout to be comfortable in the summer. I don't want him/her to be hot and fussing in the car next year. Things that I was willing to sacrifice in MY life I refuse to make my child sacrifice. Is that what it means to be a parent?

Thursday, June 11, 2009

But what if I don't FEEL pregnant?

There have been times through this all that I have FELT pregnant (like when I was puking up a SINGLE chocolate covered coffee bean) but most of the time I feel... pretty normal. Yes, there are moments of light-headedness when I haven't had enough water. I miss tasting garlic (although salt kind of came back). I feel bloated and kinda fat (although I know I'll get fatter).

How does a pregnant woman feel? When does she feel pregnant? When the baby definitvely moves, I think then I'll feel pregnant. Definitley during labour... but right now I feel normal. Just overwhelmed with this all and what it all means.

I think I notice it most when I tell someone. I am so calm and matter of fact, because it's just a word on a stick or a second line. It's not that I am not excited and looking forward to meeting this fabulous little person growing inside of me. But it seems so distant.

Oneday, Sprout, this will all feel too real. Until then? I'll just have relax and enjoy the journey.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

The first doctor's visit

Today I had my first doctor's appointment. Neil was fabulous and came along to hold my hand and support me. My regular GP is away, so another doctor, Dr. Loiselle, saw me. She asked questions about conception date, guesses right now our due date is February 3rd (ack! even sooner than the internet says!), lifestyle questions, provided some information. And then I had to give blood samples (ick) and pee in a cup for a few standard screens.

One thing that made me happy about this pregnancy happening now was the fact that I am 34 and thus not in that magic "35 = high risk" bracket. Well, I will be GIVING birth when I am 35... so I am actually in that category *sigh*. So we are also booking a screening test, the Nuchal scan. It will be an ultrasound (which will also firm up how far along we are) and a blood test. It will look for Trisomy 18, Trisomy 13 or the more common Down Syndrome. The tests are 80% effective, with a 5% false positive rate. If there is anything, we move on to the amnio.

The first 2 syndromes, according to the doctor, are "not conducive to life". She said we probably haven't talked about this, but that because of my age the testing is recommended and if there is an abnormality we can terminate the pregnancy. I was impressed at the words chosen, very carefully, so that they were not offensive. But it still means the same...

And we had spoken about it. If it were something that prevented Sprout from leading a happy life, then we would terminate. But that does not include something like Down Syndrome.

But in the next week or two we'll be getting the Nuchal scan appointment booked. Then on July 20 (when I am 11-ish weeks) we go for the first official pre-natal visit.

Between then and now, I get to hope that morning sickness doesn't come along, try to eat well and take care of myself. And buy some new and larger pants because these ones just are not fitting well at all!

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Sweet pea!

Well, according to ONE website I am 6 weeks. And since that sounds SO much later than 5 weeks and makes me half way done the first trimester and then I can actually start telling people... Well, more than the handful of peeople I have ALREADY told. Because I am incapable of keeping a secret.

I would be the WORST. SPY. EVER.

So, 6 weeks you say? We have a NEW FOOD! The sweet pea.

Sprout is starting to grow eyes, ears, nose, cheeks and a chin. There are little paddle arms and legs that are moving aorund. And a beating heart...

Also, I just have to say, Neil in his wonderfulness ALSO cleaned the toilet with the toilet bowl cleaner that I love the smell of, to get rid of the hamster cage smell so that if I had to go back for another round of sickness it would at least be more pleasant. He's going to make an amazing father.

Monday, June 8, 2009

And we had vomit

First vomitting of the pregnancy tonight. It was pretty sudden, my intenstines/uterus felt crampy and strange. Then the metallic tingling in the back of your mouth and a bit more drool and... VOMIT. Made it to the toilet (which strangely smelled like my many years deceased hamster's cage when I would have to clean it).

Neil was fabulous about it all. Came upstairs, rubbed my back, brought me water. He even helped me into bed and brought me crackers while my stomach settled. Once everything was down, we went out for dinner to celebrate this definitive sign of pregnancy!!

Yes, we ARE strange. Thank you for asking *grin*

I have never been accused of having taste

Well, the germination of Sprout continues! Things are going very (too?) well. Sometimes I get a bit dizzy/lightheaded. Sometimes there are a few grumblings or cramps in my belly. I will suddenly get overwhelmingly tired and need a short nap, especially when I haven't had enough water to drink. My memory is a little fuzzier than usual. All things considered, not too bad! There is one symptom, however, that is strange and fun at the same time. I apparently can't TASTE certain things.

Neil and I went for burgers on Sunday. He had fries and in my great benevolence, I was helping him finish them. He started complaining about the saltiness of them. I laughed, thinking he was joking around. He was not. They were salty, and I was pretty much unable to taste it. And I used to be quite sensitive to the taste of salt.

Later that night we went to my mom & dad's for dinner. Mom made her famous garlicky garlic toast. I grabbed a huge slice and began to eat. The garlic toast tasted like... plain whole wheat bread. No butter, no GARLIC. I put my slice down, not wanting to insult my mom and her error in forgetting the garlic. But Neil was loving his slice, asking for a second. I knew then, that it was me that was broken. Again. I handed over my slice, explaining I didn't taste garlic.

To test my tongue, mom brought over the jar of solomacha. That is many, many cloves of garlic finely chopped and soaked in canola oil. With a tablespoon of lemon per quart of solomacha to prevent the garlic from browning. It's great to use as a dressing on food, a marinade, a started for frying food... it's my favorite condiment! I took a heaping teaspoon of solomacha and put it on a small slice of bread. I took a deep breath and popped the morsel in. And? I tasted the LEMON. But no garlic... although I felt the slight burn of too much garlic at the back of my throat, as I swallowed.

It's such a strange feeling, to KNOW you should be tasting something yet the flavour just isn't there. It amazes me how much of my "reality" is based on senses that can be so easily misled. A few coursing hormones, and an entire spectrum of my palette disappears. I just hope I can keep the rest of the flavours.

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Sprout the appleseed

Neil called the babe Sprout the other day... and I may have started thinking about him/her as Sprout already. Sprout is about the size of an appleseed now (taken from -no plagiarizing here!)

And I still feel good. No horrible side effects, no crazy emotions (yet) just... a surreal feeling. Tomorrow I start week 6*. There will be a new food to compare Sprout in size to. And maybe more side effects? "People" say the morning sickness starts at around week 6 for some. But "people" really say a lot of conflicting stuff.

We have a doctor's appointment on June 10th to get the blood test and figure out where to go next. Find an OB/GYN and hope for a great fit. I am pretty sure I feel better about all this going down in a hospital. Just in case. So I think I will go down the new traditional road of OB/GYN and hospital. But I want the option of a doula. Just in case. You know, I have no clue what I want. I just want to keep my options open and we'll figure this out together.

From the advanced Internet technology I have a predicted due date of February 5th. This, of course, is dependant on the date of my last period, which I may have forgotten to track this month, but THINK it was around May 1. Maybe a few days sooner than that. Something around there.

February 5th. Making Sprout an Aquarius according to zodiac. An Ox (specifically an Earth Ox) in chinese horoscope. And making me appear to have too much time on my hands. Lunch is done, back to work for me!

It's hard to concentrate on policy when my mind is fixated on Sprout...

* Nope. I apparently can't count. Just in week 5 right now - week 6 starts NEXT Friday, June 12.

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

And then there were three...

On June 1 I used the most advanced technology you will ever pee on. It flashed a word I was not expecting.


Neil and I are going to be parents.

We are 5 weeks into this aventure, and so far it has been surreal. I don't FEEL pregnant. I have no morning sickness and few of the symptoms the exhaustive list of pregnancy websites say I could be feeling. Some dizziness, sometimes. A little bit of cramping/oddness in the uterine region. My breasts (which I feel are already too large) are larger.

I wanted a place where we both could write out thoughts through this all, both positive and negative. A place where we can both look back in those teenage years and remember the sweet little infant and the journey to get to that birth. And a place where family and friends can keep track of us, since neither of us are good at calling/emailing/visiting our friends and family.

We didn't mean to start out famly right now. But this growing child is already loved and I can't wait to meet him/her!