You are now 4 magical years old! Saturday we had your birthday party at a facility in Sherwood Park. It was PERFECT. You ran and ran and climbed and played for 2 hours with your friends. And then there were cupcakes and signing happy birthday and gifts. And then a a few more minutes of play. The out of there for the next party! I like that - definite start and end times for parties, and someone else to do the clean up.
Sunday morning, your actually birthday, we tried to sing you happy birthday. And immediately your hand was up and you were commanding we stop.
"You sang that YESTERDAY" in your most exasperated voice.
Well, ok then! We had dance class (where you got a necklace from Ms. Jeannie) and the grocery shopping (where you got a PILE of goodies from the grocery store!) and dinner at baba and dido's. With a mountain of toys there! And an ice cream cake, as requested.
At the end of it all, I asked you what was your favourite part. The gifts? The cupcakes? The ice cream cake? No, it was playing with your friends from daycare. Not the kids of mommy's friends. YOUR friends. And so thank you Jack and Evan and Bailee for making Maddy's 4th birthday amazing.
I was like Maddy as a kid. I wanted my friends over all the time, always a friend over to play. I'd beg them to be allowed to stay a few minutes longer. A sleepover. Anything to have company. Neil was not this kind of only child. He was content alone. At least we have experience with the 2 extremes.
I see many play dates in our future.
And now that you are 4, we are going to get you a "big girl" twin bed! You are still on your very very firm crib mattress. Which can't be comfy. And there is barely room for you in the bed, with all your stuffies in there too. And sometimes? I just want to snuggle. So twin bed it is!
Your imagination is remarkable my dear! One evening, as you were falling asleep, you must have had a little dream and woke up in tears. There were balls of light coming out of your red IKEA table and they flew around your head and went into your belly and now your belly hurts. You were so upset!? Your amazing daddy took the offending table out of your room (it has not been allowed back in since) and now there is even more room for your big girl bed. And every morning we get to hear about your dreams the night before/. For a long time, it was all about the bad dreams. Now we count how many good ones and bad ones you had. But the details? Only the bad ones. Humans and interesting animals.
Yesterday you went to the doctor. for your 4 year check up. As soon as Dr. Chambers came in, you began telling your stories and gesturing emphatically to get your point across. That you were just there for the EAR DOCTOR and now he was the TUMMY DOCTOR and how it was your BIRTHDAY. The doctor smiled, leaned over to me and said quietly "I see a BFA in her future". So. Much. PERSONALITY.
But you are in perfect health! 3'4" tall, almost 43 pounds. So still 90th percentile for weight, 80th for height. Same as you have been almost from the start! Although even at age 4, there are the comparisons starting, with the sly allusions to height and weight and the desirability of skinny (with tall and skinny for boys, short and skinny for girls). Oh Maddy, what is this world you were born in to!
Although I have to admit, looking at pics from your birthday, I was immediately drawn to my waist and the extra there and immediately found myself failing. Not the joy on my face, at my daughter's birthday or the sense of tired accomplishment that it was going well (despite the fact I have been fighting something for months and months). Nope. Not even the joy on YOUR face Maddy, as you had so much fun at your birthday! My waist. And arms. And chin... And how I wasn't good enough. And these thoughts even when I am actively working to stop them.
What is this world we live in?
Well, my love. My four year old love. My big girl! Time to shut this old laptop off and get to bed, as I try to fight off this pestilence that has invaded me to the core (yes, that was dramatic. I can like the drama too!)
I love you. We all love you. Happy 4th birthday my big girl.