Now to prove I still exist!

Last week was hard. This week has been so much better! I have learned to read Maddy's signs and for that she has been a much happier baby. I am seeing when it's all getting overwhelming, when it's time to nap, when food is needed. Although a routine still eludes us. I know there have to be a few naps but they don't always come at the same time. But we don't wake at the same time either.

We have stopped the crib training. She's sleeping... be it in her bassinet or the swing. At 3 months or so we can try to start the training. I think that was part of what led to the fussy week for her. Hell, the kid was 10 weeks old. Maybe mom should cut her some slack and let her sleep where she's used to. Change can happen at 3+ months! And we have been careful to get out of the house and interact with adults. As much fun as Maddy is and no matter how much I love my house - getting outside is good. Today we head out for sushi with friends. SUSHI! Yum!

But it's sinking in, how absolute motherhood is. There are no vacations, there are no days off, no slacker breaks. There is a tiny (well, not so tiny... 14 pounds, 1 ounce at 11 weeks!) little girl that needs me for everything. And the only breaks I get are her naps, which are my chances to eat (damn, haven't done that yet today) or wash dishes or laundry or clean the bathroom (the last three I did get done this morning). As much as I love her and love being her mom this is my first role in life that is constant. I can take a break from working Wendy, wife Wendy, cleaning Wendy, friend Wendy... but I am always mom. Even when she's not near me I am still present in that mindset.

Well, I have about 15 minutes before I have to wake a sleeping Maddy and get her ready to go! Which is just enough time to throw some makeup on the bags under my eyes and get clean clothes on. And get her diaper bag packed too. Another reason to wish we were breastfeeding. The food is always there and always ready to go *grin*

Just to prove they still exist...

The boys! Our dogs, Walter and Sherman. They have been just troopers with all the change of Maddy's arrival. And they have been such wonderful little pups. So patient and so gentle. They even tolerate the crying well. I can't wait to watch Walter sneak into Maddy's toddler bed for some snuggles one day.

Professional pics of Maddy

We have the first glimpses of them! And the ones on the blog are stunning. Click this link to be taken to Sohobutterfly Photography, and see the pics of Maddy. When I get them all, more will be put on this blog. But I love them. Natasha is wonderful!

Last night Maddy slept from 1030pm until Neil had to wake for work - 545am. And then Maddy and I napped from 730-830am. I am feeling almost drunk from enough sleep. This will get me through the inevitable fussy days/nights ahead, since I am jinxing myself by mentioning how much sleep I got. You all know I am!

Things have been good!

Things here have been good. After an easier day on Wednesday Maddy again was a complete grump on Thursday. Add too little sleep and being home-bound and hormones and fears of failing as a mother led to a sad couple days for me. But talking to Neil brought me out of my funk and we had a wonderful few days. Today we went for lunch with some friends and then went to a bookstore, where I bought an html book. Hell, why not! I can fix up the blog nicely then *grin*

Sometimes it's easier

Today was a much better day. Maddy slept more (yay!) even if that meant in her swing. She was sweet and cooing and kicking and laughing. We tried tummy time and she was able to lift her head for short periods of time. So no missed milestone! If you look at the size of her head... I am impressed she can lift it any amount. I love my girl, but she's got a head on her! And we went out for that walk and loved the sunshine. Little miss slept most of it. When she was awake, she was happily looking around.

We went to Costco tonight and she was sweet there. Some minor fussing but nothing a pacifier wouldn't control. And then when we got home there was a bit of melt down but she was just tired. A good feed, a swaddle and a jiggle? She's fast asleep in her bassinet. Although we're still waiting for that poo. It's gonna be a gooder when it comes out.

Maddy is not an easy going child. She can be fussy. She gets overtired and fights sleep. She has a dramatic flair. She knows what she wants and just waits (impatiently) for you to figure it out. But she's perfectly Maddy. She's my beautiful baby girl. I wouldn't change a thing about her.

Sometimes it's hard

Yesterday was hard. One of those days you wonder if you'll stay sane. Maddy was a bear all day. Although I did have a lot planned for her.

We started at UofA Almuni mom's group. It was a yoga class! Well, Maddy fussed the entire yoga part. I had to hold her and jiggle her the entire time. So I missed on the yoga part. And then the instructor made a somewhat snide comment about now that is was quiet, she could talk, as both Maddy and another baby were fussing. Well, that made a mom feel good. After yoga we sat around and chatted. There were three of us chatting, me, other mom and snide mom (you can see where THIS is going). Well, snide mom used only cloth diapers. Which made her better than us other 2, who are using disposable. I tried the gDiapers, they just don't fit Maddy well and every pee would result in leaking. Poo? Got everywhere. I mentioned, in hopes of not being too harshly judged (women and cruel, yet we still feed into it...) that we tried gDiapers. Snide mom? She says "Oh, they slightly better disposable diapers". Other mom made a comment later about wipes, and how expensive they are. I mentioned Costco has then for pretty cheap. Snide mom said "Are they biodegradable?" I replied no, they aren't. They only place I could find the biodegradable ones were online and they were very expensive. Again, snide mom told us how much better she is than us, as she just bought washcloths. Well, I left soon after. A fussing Maddy and snide mom took it out of me.

Maddy fell asleep on the way home. We got home, she slept a bit more then she had some bottle. Then? It was off to mom's group number two! This time at the health clinic. Maddy slept for the first 20 minutes or so. Then? Then fussing went into HIGH gear. Nothing would calm her. Being held upright, cuddled, on her back, in her carseat, walking, jiggling, feeding (both boob and bottle), pacifier... I didn't get a chance to hear much of the presentation on milestones. Other than I mentioned that we don't use toys with Maddy yet. We hold her and sing to her and play "This little piggy" and she loves to look around. Rattles and those things? They don't hold as much interest for her. I was assured that was fine, but the looks we got... the mother that denies her child TOYS. Also, apparently we aren't doing enough tummy time. With a fussy child who hates tummy time, I have been avoiding it. Yes, I have been an apparently neglectful mother. She's missing a milestone (head up at 3 months, if not head and chest up). We had to run at the end, missing the socializing time. When we got home Maddy completely melted down. About 30 minutes of screaming and tears and wailing and kicking. She was inconsolable. She was tired and hadn't pooed and nothing would make her happy. 

Luckily my mom was planning to come over and babysit while I went grocery shopping. She was able to first hug me as I cried then take over with Maddy. I went grocery shopping, a job I usually love. But every time I'd hear a child fuss I'd get upset and tears would come. Mom stayed at the house after I got home, to help me try to calm Maddy. But she fussed all evening long... thankfully at 930 or so Maddy fell asleep for the night. She slept until 445am, when she had a feed, and then went back to sleep until 730am. She was fussing this morning (no clue why). But now she sleeps.

Yesterday was hard. For the first time I cried from the frustration of being a mom. I had a fussing child on a day I was looking forward to (getting out of the house to meet new people!), judging mothers and instructors, missed milestones, tiredness... Today we're staying in. Maybe heading out for walk with mom later. I have to say, without the help and support and hugs of Neil and my mom, I would have also melted down with Maddy yesterday. The support they provide makes it all bearable. Being a mom is hard.

She's still a-growin'!

Our little-ish Maddy continues to grow. She's officially in 3 month clothes and often in the 3-6 month outfits (which are thankfully still a little roomy). But there is nothing tiny about her anymore. And her alertness and smiles and moving and head control... every day it's all a little more, a little better. She's even trying to communicate! She's cooing in response to things we say. The other day she was trying to mimic me saying "hi". Everyday we leave the newborn Maddy behind just a little more. 

We're picking up new nicknames for her. Maddy-moo, Maddy-moo-foo, Foo, Nu-nu, baby-girl, Madeline (said the french way), bebe (again, said the french way), Madeline-spadeline-doo. And the list changes daily!

On Thursday Maddy and I went to meet baba and dido at the mall, for their mall walking session. We arrived a little late for the walk but sat with the friends for coffee. And gave the grandparents a chance to show off the little one. There baba bought an Easter dress and I bought a completely impractical outfit of skinny jeans and a flowing top (pics to come). I figure if I am too large for skinny jeans I may as well put them on my daughter, while I still have control over what she wears!

Today we're having a friend come by and take some professional pics of Maddy. We were at baba and dido's for Easter lunch today. Of course, there was much new stuff there and people to talk to... so someone didn't have a nap. And that someone had a meltdown on the way home. And then continued to be a teary screaming puddle when we got home. I am not naming names, but she's now in her swaddle and in her little lamb swing having a much needed sleep. Hopefully it will be enough sleep so that the pictures turn out well! But... ya... I'll protect the identity of the parties involved.