We started at UofA Almuni mom's group. It was a yoga class! Well, Maddy fussed the entire yoga part. I had to hold her and jiggle her the entire time. So I missed on the yoga part. And then the instructor made a somewhat snide comment about now that is was quiet, she could talk, as both Maddy and another baby were fussing. Well, that made a mom feel good. After yoga we sat around and chatted. There were three of us chatting, me, other mom and snide mom (you can see where THIS is going). Well, snide mom used only cloth diapers. Which made her better than us other 2, who are using disposable. I tried the gDiapers, they just don't fit Maddy well and every pee would result in leaking. Poo? Got everywhere. I mentioned, in hopes of not being too harshly judged (women and cruel, yet we still feed into it...) that we tried gDiapers. Snide mom? She says "Oh, they slightly better disposable diapers". Other mom made a comment later about wipes, and how expensive they are. I mentioned Costco has then for pretty cheap. Snide mom said "Are they biodegradable?" I replied no, they aren't. They only place I could find the biodegradable ones were online and they were very expensive. Again, snide mom told us how much better she is than us, as she just bought washcloths. Well, I left soon after. A fussing Maddy and snide mom took it out of me.
Maddy fell asleep on the way home. We got home, she slept a bit more then she had some bottle. Then? It was off to mom's group number two! This time at the health clinic. Maddy slept for the first 20 minutes or so. Then? Then fussing went into HIGH gear. Nothing would calm her. Being held upright, cuddled, on her back, in her carseat, walking, jiggling, feeding (both boob and bottle), pacifier... I didn't get a chance to hear much of the presentation on milestones. Other than I mentioned that we don't use toys with Maddy yet. We hold her and sing to her and play "This little piggy" and she loves to look around. Rattles and those things? They don't hold as much interest for her. I was assured that was fine, but the looks we got... the mother that denies her child TOYS. Also, apparently we aren't doing enough tummy time. With a fussy child who hates tummy time, I have been avoiding it. Yes, I have been an apparently neglectful mother. She's missing a milestone (head up at 3 months, if not head and chest up).
Luckily my mom was planning to come over and babysit while I went grocery shopping. She was able to first hug me as I cried then take over with Maddy. I went grocery shopping, a job I usually love. But every time I'd hear a child fuss I'd get upset and tears would come. Mom stayed at the house after I got home, to help me try to calm Maddy. But she fussed all evening long... thankfully at 930 or so Maddy fell asleep for the night. She slept until 445am, when she had a feed, and then went back to sleep until 730am. She was fussing this morning (no clue why). But now she sleeps.
Yesterday was hard. For the first time I cried from the frustration of being a mom. I had a fussing child on a day I was looking forward to (getting out of the house to meet new people!), judging mothers and instructors, missed milestones, tiredness... Today we're staying in. Maybe heading out for walk with mom later. I have to say, without the help and support and hugs of Neil and my mom, I would have also melted down with Maddy yesterday. The support they provide makes it all bearable. Being a mom is hard.