On the lighter side of things...

MADDY!

Seriously, how cute is this child!? Tummy time! With extra drool.

More about me

This is something I have spoken about with friends in person but haven't mentioned on the blog. But I now feel it's the time to share. There was a complication after Maddy's birth.

If you recall, it was a bit of a traumatic birth. I finally found out what happened. I had a third degree tear plus the episiotomy. And after coming home, I had issues with bowel control. Namely, I had no control. I spoke to my doctor about it and she said to wait 6 weeks, to see if I got control back. And I did. Somewhat. But it was definitely not normal, despite doing kegals for hours (yes, hours) a day. My doctor referred me to a gynecologist. That took 6 weeks to get into. Then I was to be sent for a rectal ultrasound. If there was a tear, I would need surgery. If there wasn't a tear then likely more kegals and/or physiotherapy. One month after the appointment I had heard nothing about the ultrasound so I called the doctor's office. Turns out the ultrasound appointment was for the exact date and time I called. There was no way I could get child care for Maddy and be at the hospital in seconds. We rescheduled. 

Today I had the ultrasound. And? No tear! No surgery! WA HOO!! The journey is not over, but at least there will be no more cutting of the girl parts and the associated areas. They have had enough for this year. 

The books never mentioned this as a potential complication although every medical professional I speak to says this is more common that people think. I was ready for hemorrhoids, tearing, cutting, stretch marks, swelling... everything but this. No one warned me this could happen. I came home sore, tired. stressed and hormonal. I was responsible for the care of this tiny, delicate human being. I was fighting to be able to breastfeed my child. And on top of it all I was not able to do something I have had control of since about 2 years old. Neil has been nothing but supportive and positive through this all. But I just wasn't ready for this. It was all overwhelming.  

Why am I sharing this likely too personal information? Because I felt alone. I felt like I was the only person dealing with this complication. And it was demoralizing. Humiliating. And if anyone I know or anyone who reads this had to go through something similar I want them to know they aren't alone. 

All's good here!

Guess what I was going to talk about? Sleep! Of course. It's all we seem to talk about on this blog. Maddy and her sleep habits. Last night was hard. Tonight was better. But it's all about sleep. Getting Maddy to nap. Getting her down at night. Nap, nap, sleep, nap, nap ad nauseum. How dull... Today I will blog about something different. 

Well, this is crib related, but not about sleep. At one time Maddy would rotate like a little clock in her sleep. Since we stopped swaddling she's not as circular but she will roll on to her tummy. That does not impress her. Or the cutest is when she will lay on her side and bring her little fist into her mouth to suckle on. She doesn't move down to the foot of the crib anymore either.

I spoke too soon. We have wailing.

 I went in and held her and rocked her for 10 minutes. Her crying would slow to the adorable little mews she makes as she falls asleep when upset. But then she'd startle awake and begin wailing again. One dose of baby tylenol and 10 minutes later and she fell fast asleep on my chest. I love the feeling of her warm little body in my arms, the smell of her freshly washed hair, her head nestled into my neck, her fist in her mouth, listening to her snotty little sighs as she sleeps comfortably and safely. Something is hurting her. Her teeth? Her head? I know she's healthy and there is nothing seriously wrong. I just wish I could make it so that she never felt any pain again.  

She's getting to be so much more fun now. As my doctor put it, the first three months of your child is rather like having a gerbil. You feed it, change it, look at it... but there is little interaction. We are beyond those times and have a blast together. Maddy loves being sung to, tongues sticking out, tickles, her feet being lifted, bouncing on our knees. She is trying to converse. She'll look us in the eye and very seriously coo and gurgle. Then smile and laugh at whatever it is she said. But she is still good with being alone and amusing herself which is awesome too. Everyday we see just a little more of her her fabulous and big personality. I am enjoying every second of this time with her but I also can't wait to see as more of her personality comes through. 

A good night down

After a grumpy-ish day and a VERY grumpy afternoon we had a perfect night routine! But one thing Neil suggested was that we give her Motrin. And it worked. So maybe it's more than just tired. Maybe she's in some pain. Teething? Or maybe it's her head. We have been doing a lot of tummy time and excersaucer and bumbo and standing and sitting on mom's lap and it's making a real difference. The back left side of her head is really rounding out. And the right side is starting to make a move out too. Could she be having headaches? It'll all be easier when she can talk! Louder, but easier *grin*

It's been awhile since I spoke about...

... ME!

So, what about me? I am doing pretty well, thanks for asking!

A few weeks ago I cut my hair. There was the short in February and then the OMG short a few weeks ago. It was about 1-2 inches long. It's an awesome style for getting ready quickly. However, it was quite... un-feminine. It's growing out now and much better. The cut was done well, it was just the length. In about 3 more weeks it'll be just right. I am also trying to lose some weight. I am pretty close to the weight I was when I got pregnant. But I am definitely a different (saggier) shape. My goal is to lose 30 pounds (4 pounds down now). Even though I am not at my ideal weight, yesterday I did something wild n' crazy. I bought skinny jeans! I have been a big fan of the baggy boot-cut forever but the fit? It wasn't right anymore. I looked saggy. The (young) sales lady grabbed her favorite style and handed them to me. Skinny jeans. I was reluctant but tried them on. And I liked them on me. I took them home and showed Neil. He agreed, they looked good. In about 26 pounds they will look better, but for having an 18 week old, I am happy. Oh! And I found an anti-wrinkle cream I really love. Prevera. It's working well and only $30 a jar. Hmmm... new hair (like I had when I was in my 20's), skinny jeans and anti-wrinkle cream. Is someone feeling old? *grin*

Emotionally? I am doing well too. The biggest struggle is convincing someone adorable yet oh so stubborn to sleep. It's hard to spend my days obsessing about the sleep patterns of Maddy. Watching for signs of tired then trying to put her down. When she's well rested she's the most happy, giggly, smiley and playful child ever. When she's tired, she's a grump. She is set off by the smallest thing and cries. Wails! I think the most difficult part is that I know what is wrong, I know what she needs. Sleep. But she fights me on it, while at the same time I know she wants me to make it all better. Is this some kind of foreshadowing with life as a teenager? After 4 months of trying everything to lure her to sleep we are now using a modified Cry it out (CIO). And it's hard. But after trying so many other methods we had to do something to bring it all under control. And we're seeing signs of it working! That makes it all worthwhile. My parents tell me it's retribution, that I was a poor sleeper. Karma? You suck. I thought you should know.

The only other struggle, minor in comparison, is the loss of the old Wendy. I am a mom right now, almost all the time. I miss my hobbies, going out with friends, working (yes, working!). I miss spending evenings out with Neil, doing errands. Right now our evenings are spent keeping someone calm until they are ready for bed then relaxing around the house. But always on alert for her to wake and then we start the calming all over again. Or cooking, cleaning, washing dishes and laundry. It's constant. And how can you do it all AND work? I am months away from facing that reality and already I can't imagine how other women do it. And they do it with TWO children... it's inconceivable.... *shudder*

Apparently I like talking about me! Although even when it's about me, it's about Maddy. Being a mother is truly constant.

WOO HOO!

Maddy just went down to sleep without nary a peep! She had her bath, massage, book then last little feed. She was drowsy when I laid her down... and she went right to sleep! I am not saying it'll be the same tomorrow. Nor that she won't wake up before she's down for good... but yay! It's a long and complicated routine. And it'll be hard to put her down if we're out, like at baba and dido's. But yay!

Now just to tackle naps...

EDIT: It's after 10pm and she hasn't stirred. And, yes, we DID go in to check her breathing.

One year ago today...

One year ago today I peed on an advanced piece of technology. It that told me I was pregnant. Me. Having a baby. A HUMAN. I remember the disbelief at seeing "pregnant". Running down the stairs, waving the stick, to tell Neil. I remember the shock on his face. I remember us sitting there, talking and panicking and holding each other.Then the tendrils of excitement starting. We made a person, part me and part Neil. We ran out to the bookstore, to research what was happening in me and what we needed to do. Then we went to baba and dido's to tell them. I remember dad crying from joy. I remember mom starting to plan the wedding *grin*. Then off to the drugstore for vitamins. Finally, back home to let it all sink in.

It took awhile... but she's here! Dad is changing her diaper in the other room and I can hear her giggling. Our little Maddy, our baby girl who is already showing an awesome (and determined) personality. I can't wait to see what the next year will bring!