This morning was Maddy's first day back at daycare. I took the day off, to ease her into it. To let her slowly get used to daycare again and be there in case there was an issue. Of course, because I was worried, there was no issue at all. Maddy walked it and her face lit up. She was so exited! She ran around and played with toys and hopped on top of a rocking horse and picked up cars and sheep and horses and her face lit up at seeing her friends again (AX-EE! EEEREEK!). I still stayed for 30 minutes, but mostly watched her play. When I left she was busy throwing herself at a pillow-toy and bouncing off in glee. Not really sure she noticed I walked out despite my rather loud and mournful goodbyes and blown kisses. The rest of the day has been spent doing errands (and spending so much money). Then this afternoon has been spent doing house-stuffs. Although due to poor planning on my part, I am not able to finish and will have to do more after Maddy goes to bed.
This weekend was a busy one. Saturday my goddaughter and I took Maddy to the zoo. Maddy? She was a bit of a disaster. She wailed and screamed and lost her MARBLES because we wouldn't let her into to fenced off pen of animals. And then when she wasn't able to walk through the fence around the merry go round... Oy vey. Very loud and very unhappy and very very snotty. There is some renewed teething action, and I think that played a role. But the zoo? NOT a success. Then that night we went out with friends. We left Maddy at their place with a babysitter and then went out for food and drink. And then, at about 1030pm, we went back to their house and woke our sleeping child and carried her home. She was quiet most of the trip. I think she was a little alarmed by the darkness around. Near the house she spoke, told us about the "car" beside us. But we brought her home and laid her back down and she rolled over and went right back to sleep. And then slept in until 730am! The thing I worried about, the evening out, was a great success. The thing that I thought would be so much fun? A bit of a wreck.
I think Maddy is on the boundary between stroller and walking. Stroller is easier for us to control her. Walking is easier for her, to have the freedom to explore. If only she understood to stay close, or to not run on streets, or that some fences can't be breached, then it would be perfect. I think we're getting closer to that, but we're not quite there yet. Next year, though, I have so many plans for the zoo and Fort Ed and John Jansen Nature Centre, and walking on the trails in the river valley and playing in the splash parks... Although this summer has been pretty freaking awesome too. `
It`s all such a delicate balance between worrying and complacency, between thinking ahead and living in the moment, from planning too much and too little. These moments, right now, are for me and Neil. They won`t be remembered by Maddy at all. She won`t remember how her face lit up when she went back to daycare, or meeting Elmo, or running through the grass. We will, and we love every second of this time. But next year, next year will be about both our memories and maybe a few of Maddy's. The year after it`ll be about Maddy`s memories... But whatever she remembers (if she`s like daddy) or forgets (if she`s like me) we are trying our best to provide love and support and give Maddy the tools to be confident in life.
And one day Maddy will be my age and I`ll want to sit down with her, and ask her about her childhood. What does she remember? Compare that to what do I remember? What shaped her and made her whoever she becomes? Until then, we're going to do our best and love her for the everything amazing that she is.