What happened to my sweet little girl? Evening comes and we have a complete GRUMP on our hands. I had Maddy in my arms, cuddled up. She was good, calm... and fell asleep. Without me moving, without a noise made her eyes FLY open. She looks around in shock, then immediately the face goes beet red, scrunches up and... WAAAAAAAAHHHHH! Or she's sitting contentedly... the fussing starts... pants are clean, food is refused, not warm, not cold, not sitting on anything pokey, not being tortured... and WAAAAAAAAAHHHH!
She started out so calmly, we considered ourselves so lucky to have a sweet little girl. But she's started ramping it up at night, turning on the fuss-a-saur mojo. And now? She's a giant irradiated space crab. During the day she's still awesome fun... for now.
We know she's gassy. Is that it? Or growing pains? I went to a shower yesterday afternoon. The little boy is 4 days older than Maddy. And he's TINY in comparison. Then I held a 2 month old. Maddy is about his size in length and weight. She's half his age! Could it be the evil "C" word - colic. Whatever the reason, we have a grump on our hands. Well, most of the time. Right now she's in my arms... sleeping peacefully. Wait, no... as I type she's stirred and began fussing in her sleep. Little whimpers and her face starting to scrunch... Ah, little Maddy... you make life interesting!
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Friday, February 26, 2010
Month one letter
Dear Maddy (or Maddie as your father calls you)
One month ago today everything in our lives changed. After 30 hours (yes, I will keep saying how long it took) you came into this world. With a healthy squawk, our baby girl was born. And nothing has been even close to the same since then. Our days and nights have been filled with watching you, feeding, you, caring for you. You are our little dictator and we are always at your beck and call. And there isn't a thing I'd change.
I thought it would be hard to make the transition to being a mom - not sleeping, not being free to come and go on a whim, or not being able to take a day off from being responsible. But it was immediate and I barely remember a life without you. I don't want to think about a life without you. I was happy before and life was good. But with you here, I am happier than I thought possible. You have filled a part of my life that I didn't know was there and was empty.
Your first week was hard, I didn't make enough food for you and you slept so much. The more you ate, the more you became alert. Now? You are awake more of the day than you sleep, always wanting just a little food, always wanting to be held... and if we don't respond immediately? Instant fussing! You have partial control of your head and have for a week or so - something that the milestones say a 2-3 month old should have. Your little hands are always open if you are awake, as you explore your world. You love to look around at new things, new patterns, new perspectives. You have been smiling for awhile but we're watching for smiles in reaction to something specific. We heard one giggle, when you were about 2 weeks old, and it brought tears to our eyes, the most beautiful sound I have heard yet. You also love sounds. Singing or jingling or talking will calm you. Well, except my singing. That still makes you grimace *grin*. Soon you won't be able to fit in your newborn outfits, you are just getting that long. I see this as an ongoing problem, you are so much longer than you are wide. Like your dad, it will be hard to find pants that aren't too short. In 2 weeks we go to the doctor, to find out how much you have grown. At birth you were 90th percentile for length (at 53cm) and about 50th percentile for weight (at 3460g). Although at your one week visit you were only 51.8cm. So either you shrunk a lot or the hospital or the nurse made a mistake. We'll see which it was at the 6 week visit.
Soon baba and dido will be here, we're having pizza and watching hockey on TV to celebrate your one month birthday. Maybe not what you'd choose, if you had the choice, but we'll also all be taking turns holding you and talking to you and trying to keep you happy.
Your mom and dad love you so very much and we're so excited to have you here and to watch you grow. Remember that fussing I just mentioned? Well, you are doing it again... time to go relieve your dad from dealing with your fussy and take my turn at it. Although today you much prefer his company to mine. That preference changes daily *grin*
Happy one month birthday, my Maddy-girl!
Love,
Mom
One month ago today everything in our lives changed. After 30 hours (yes, I will keep saying how long it took) you came into this world. With a healthy squawk, our baby girl was born. And nothing has been even close to the same since then. Our days and nights have been filled with watching you, feeding, you, caring for you. You are our little dictator and we are always at your beck and call. And there isn't a thing I'd change.
I thought it would be hard to make the transition to being a mom - not sleeping, not being free to come and go on a whim, or not being able to take a day off from being responsible. But it was immediate and I barely remember a life without you. I don't want to think about a life without you. I was happy before and life was good. But with you here, I am happier than I thought possible. You have filled a part of my life that I didn't know was there and was empty.
Your first week was hard, I didn't make enough food for you and you slept so much. The more you ate, the more you became alert. Now? You are awake more of the day than you sleep, always wanting just a little food, always wanting to be held... and if we don't respond immediately? Instant fussing! You have partial control of your head and have for a week or so - something that the milestones say a 2-3 month old should have. Your little hands are always open if you are awake, as you explore your world. You love to look around at new things, new patterns, new perspectives. You have been smiling for awhile but we're watching for smiles in reaction to something specific. We heard one giggle, when you were about 2 weeks old, and it brought tears to our eyes, the most beautiful sound I have heard yet. You also love sounds. Singing or jingling or talking will calm you. Well, except my singing. That still makes you grimace *grin*. Soon you won't be able to fit in your newborn outfits, you are just getting that long. I see this as an ongoing problem, you are so much longer than you are wide. Like your dad, it will be hard to find pants that aren't too short. In 2 weeks we go to the doctor, to find out how much you have grown. At birth you were 90th percentile for length (at 53cm) and about 50th percentile for weight (at 3460g). Although at your one week visit you were only 51.8cm. So either you shrunk a lot or the hospital or the nurse made a mistake. We'll see which it was at the 6 week visit.
Soon baba and dido will be here, we're having pizza and watching hockey on TV to celebrate your one month birthday. Maybe not what you'd choose, if you had the choice, but we'll also all be taking turns holding you and talking to you and trying to keep you happy.
Your mom and dad love you so very much and we're so excited to have you here and to watch you grow. Remember that fussing I just mentioned? Well, you are doing it again... time to go relieve your dad from dealing with your fussy and take my turn at it. Although today you much prefer his company to mine. That preference changes daily *grin*
Happy one month birthday, my Maddy-girl!
Love,
Mom
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Off to work we go!
Well, more off we went! This afternoon from 1-330pm Maddy and I went to visit the people at my work. And we had a wonderful time!
I thought Maddy was a little grump - she had to eat a few times and would fuss when she was hungry. Although everyone said she was a little sweetheart, which helps put grump-a-saur into perspective. She really is such a sweet little girl, it's easy to forget how good we have it. And it was nice to see the folks at work and get to catch up with them a little bit. I miss some parts of work - mainly the people there. Some fabulous folks in that area!
Life otherwise has been fussy here. We're trying to figure out what's setting her off. She's just a GRUMP in the evenings. We have figured out she's fussy when she has to poo. She's quite dramatic about pooing, it's a production *grin*. And we have figured she's likely been too cold. So we've been bundling her up more and always having a blanket on her which is also helping the grump. Although as I type? I hear her waking and fussing. And her eating has changed - she's eating only about 2oz a feed, but wanting to be fed much more frequently. Hopefully she reverts back to big feeds, less frequently. She's a slow eater, so now it feels like we're always feeding her. But she's still really good through the night, which is awesome! Don't change that, please, Maddy... please!
Tonight I am going for dinner with a girlfriend - my first social outing without Maddy. I am looking forward to it, to catching up with a friend, but feel a little sad about leaving Maddy. And bad about leaving Neil with grump-a-saur in the evening. But only a little sad and bad - a mom needs a bit of a life too! :)
I thought Maddy was a little grump - she had to eat a few times and would fuss when she was hungry. Although everyone said she was a little sweetheart, which helps put grump-a-saur into perspective. She really is such a sweet little girl, it's easy to forget how good we have it. And it was nice to see the folks at work and get to catch up with them a little bit. I miss some parts of work - mainly the people there. Some fabulous folks in that area!
Life otherwise has been fussy here. We're trying to figure out what's setting her off. She's just a GRUMP in the evenings. We have figured out she's fussy when she has to poo. She's quite dramatic about pooing, it's a production *grin*. And we have figured she's likely been too cold. So we've been bundling her up more and always having a blanket on her which is also helping the grump. Although as I type? I hear her waking and fussing. And her eating has changed - she's eating only about 2oz a feed, but wanting to be fed much more frequently. Hopefully she reverts back to big feeds, less frequently. She's a slow eater, so now it feels like we're always feeding her. But she's still really good through the night, which is awesome! Don't change that, please, Maddy... please!
Tonight I am going for dinner with a girlfriend - my first social outing without Maddy. I am looking forward to it, to catching up with a friend, but feel a little sad about leaving Maddy. And bad about leaving Neil with grump-a-saur in the evening. But only a little sad and bad - a mom needs a bit of a life too! :)
Monday, February 22, 2010
"Come meet Maddy Open House"
The open house? It was a wonderful time. We had about 40 family and my parent's friends come to see her. There were drinks and food and visiting. Although mom mad about food for 150 which means MUCH leftovers for us.
Despite how wonderful it was, it was a tiring day for Neil and I though. Maddy was a trooper and napped much of the time as she was passed from person to person. Now that she's on the right formula, she's back to being a sweetheart. But this mom and dad haven't had that much interaction with other people in many weeks now. So we're both a little bushed. Today will be a quiet day. Some sleeping and then some thank you cards - our family and parent's friends were crazy generous in gifting and there are so many people to thank!
I feel bad that I think we missed people that wanted to hold Maddy. Last night I kept having a dream that Ruth kept asking to hold Maddy and I kept not being able to give Maddy to her. And I know yesterday she wanted to hold Maddy, but I am not sure if she did. Isn't it funny, what gets stuck in your head when you are so sleep deprived? It's also so hard to get the chance to talk to everyone you want to, even with just 40 people there. But it truly was a wonderful afternoon. Dad took pictures, I'll have to attach some later. My camera was left in the bag all afternoon. Oops.
Despite how wonderful it was, it was a tiring day for Neil and I though. Maddy was a trooper and napped much of the time as she was passed from person to person. Now that she's on the right formula, she's back to being a sweetheart. But this mom and dad haven't had that much interaction with other people in many weeks now. So we're both a little bushed. Today will be a quiet day. Some sleeping and then some thank you cards - our family and parent's friends were crazy generous in gifting and there are so many people to thank!
I feel bad that I think we missed people that wanted to hold Maddy. Last night I kept having a dream that Ruth kept asking to hold Maddy and I kept not being able to give Maddy to her. And I know yesterday she wanted to hold Maddy, but I am not sure if she did. Isn't it funny, what gets stuck in your head when you are so sleep deprived? It's also so hard to get the chance to talk to everyone you want to, even with just 40 people there. But it truly was a wonderful afternoon. Dad took pictures, I'll have to attach some later. My camera was left in the bag all afternoon. Oops.
Friday, February 19, 2010
Gas... OMG gas...
Well, we tried formula #3 which was supposed to be amazing. For Maddy? It lead to more amazing gas, bowel movements of frightening colours and constant small feeds. So? Back to the one we started with and we are not switching again. I still so wish that I was able to exclusively breastfeed. Even to be able to pump enough and bottle feed her... But my production is not increasing. In fact, I stopped the medications one day, accidentally - it was a sleepy day - and I went down to almost nothing. So back on meds and going to pump/feed until she's at least 1 month old. I can now pump 3oz a session (both breasts completely empty). But Maddy is eating 6oz a feed now. Yes, our little girl likes her food!
But the gas has led to a fussy Maddy. We have been able to eventually calm her, but even for the few hours of fussing and crying both Neil and I were in such pain. The helplessness of knowing your child is upset and not being able to help them... once more I am so thankful that Maddy isn't colicky. And I have even more respect for parents who have had to deal with a colicky baby.
And now for pics!
But the gas has led to a fussy Maddy. We have been able to eventually calm her, but even for the few hours of fussing and crying both Neil and I were in such pain. The helplessness of knowing your child is upset and not being able to help them... once more I am so thankful that Maddy isn't colicky. And I have even more respect for parents who have had to deal with a colicky baby.
And now for pics!
Fast asleep
Playing
First bath!
Look at those curls
Our little cutie pie - in her first outfit (other than sleepers)
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Three weeks ago today...
Three weeks ago today our little one was born. After 30-ish hours of labour, little Maddy came into this world. And everything in my life has changed. I can't even begin to remember life without Maddy. What did we do with our time? Who did we stare at for hours on end? Whose existence did my world revolve around? Whose stomach (and gas pains) did I monitor so closely?
We tried a new formula for Maddy. And? It did NOT sit well with her. She is so gassy and fussy - more than she has been yet. Last night she'd cry out in pain in her sleep. And it's heart wrenching to know your child is uncomfortable. Last night we gave her only breast milk. Even though the quantity wasn't enough, we wanted something comfortable in her belly. And this morning we tried another formula we had in the house (a free sample, from signing up to a program). This one seems to be sitting better, although she's still not her normal self. And the gas coming from her today? CRAZY! Both in volume and in aroma. But the pinnacle? That is the newest bought of explosive pooing. This one made it off the table and onto the chair and floor. Very impressive, little one. After that, though, she was feeling better. Not 100%, but better.
I remember friends telling me that being a mother was the most enriching thing you could do. That the love you feel for your child is overwhelming and nothing like the love you feel for anyone else. And that being a parent completes a part of your life in a way you didn't realize was empty before having a child. Neil and I would joke about people exaggerating, trying to initiate others into the cult of no-sleep. But after having a child, I understand...
Our lives would have been happy and wonderful (and financially richer) without Maddy. But with her here? Even just three weeks in, when all she really does is eat and sleep? Our lives are better for having her here. To hear her first little giggle last night, our daughter's giggle... to look into her face and see me, Neil, my family, his family... to feel so much love for another person that it almost hurts. It's made life better than I ever thought was possible. And now I say those words I heard others say and they almost sound hollow, like platitudes. But they are the most honest words I have ever spoken. I have been initiated into the cult of parenthood and it's the most perfect place to be, for me.
We tried a new formula for Maddy. And? It did NOT sit well with her. She is so gassy and fussy - more than she has been yet. Last night she'd cry out in pain in her sleep. And it's heart wrenching to know your child is uncomfortable. Last night we gave her only breast milk. Even though the quantity wasn't enough, we wanted something comfortable in her belly. And this morning we tried another formula we had in the house (a free sample, from signing up to a program). This one seems to be sitting better, although she's still not her normal self. And the gas coming from her today? CRAZY! Both in volume and in aroma. But the pinnacle? That is the newest bought of explosive pooing. This one made it off the table and onto the chair and floor. Very impressive, little one. After that, though, she was feeling better. Not 100%, but better.
I remember friends telling me that being a mother was the most enriching thing you could do. That the love you feel for your child is overwhelming and nothing like the love you feel for anyone else. And that being a parent completes a part of your life in a way you didn't realize was empty before having a child. Neil and I would joke about people exaggerating, trying to initiate others into the cult of no-sleep. But after having a child, I understand...
Our lives would have been happy and wonderful (and financially richer) without Maddy. But with her here? Even just three weeks in, when all she really does is eat and sleep? Our lives are better for having her here. To hear her first little giggle last night, our daughter's giggle... to look into her face and see me, Neil, my family, his family... to feel so much love for another person that it almost hurts. It's made life better than I ever thought was possible. And now I say those words I heard others say and they almost sound hollow, like platitudes. But they are the most honest words I have ever spoken. I have been initiated into the cult of parenthood and it's the most perfect place to be, for me.
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Where has my little baby gone?
I know I'll be saying this for years to come, but this morning I was laying in bed with Maddy and I was struck by how big she is now. Her little newborn sleepers are days away from being too short, her body is filling them out completely, her head? Wow... her head is changing shape daily - and growing too. And her dark blonde hair? It's now RED! Not sure how it happened, but there is definite redness to her hair. Although Neil was born with red hair that fell out and then became blonde. Although his beard is still red.
She's definitely well over 8lbs now and eating up a storm (she had 28oz of food yesterday!). She's more alert and interacting with us. She'll smile and giggle when her feet are tickled. She'll look for us when she hears our voices (although I can walk into a room where she's sleeping and when I speak, she cries. I am trying not to take it personally *grin*). She calms when she hears her dad singing to her (although she has a good enough ear to cringe from my warbling voice). She loves to stretch out and kick and flail and arch and experience her body in space. She's always trying to get her little hands (with the vampiric nails) into her mouth, often leaving little scratch marks on her cheeks. She'll interlace her fingers together and then look at us expectantly. When unswaddled, she'll fall asleep with her arms raised and hands by her face in a little victory cheer.
I keep wanting to take pictures and capture each moment, each sound, each stretch. But then laundry calls, or pumping, or dishes, or the most important - watching her learn her world. But the camera must come out more, before these moments are gone forever.
She's definitely well over 8lbs now and eating up a storm (she had 28oz of food yesterday!). She's more alert and interacting with us. She'll smile and giggle when her feet are tickled. She'll look for us when she hears our voices (although I can walk into a room where she's sleeping and when I speak, she cries. I am trying not to take it personally *grin*). She calms when she hears her dad singing to her (although she has a good enough ear to cringe from my warbling voice). She loves to stretch out and kick and flail and arch and experience her body in space. She's always trying to get her little hands (with the vampiric nails) into her mouth, often leaving little scratch marks on her cheeks. She'll interlace her fingers together and then look at us expectantly. When unswaddled, she'll fall asleep with her arms raised and hands by her face in a little victory cheer.
I keep wanting to take pictures and capture each moment, each sound, each stretch. But then laundry calls, or pumping, or dishes, or the most important - watching her learn her world. But the camera must come out more, before these moments are gone forever.
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