Three weeks ago today our little one was born. After 30-ish hours of labour, little Maddy came into this world. And everything in my life has changed. I can't even begin to remember life without Maddy. What did we do with our time? Who did we stare at for hours on end? Whose existence did my world revolve around? Whose stomach (and gas pains) did I monitor so closely?
We tried a new formula for Maddy. And? It did NOT sit well with her. She is so gassy and fussy - more than she has been yet. Last night she'd cry out in pain in her sleep. And it's heart wrenching to know your child is uncomfortable. Last night we gave her only breast milk. Even though the quantity wasn't enough, we wanted something comfortable in her belly. And this morning we tried another formula we had in the house (a free sample, from signing up to a program). This one seems to be sitting better, although she's still not her normal self. And the gas coming from her today? CRAZY! Both in volume and in aroma. But the pinnacle? That is the newest bought of explosive pooing. This one made it off the table and onto the chair and floor. Very impressive, little one. After that, though, she was feeling better. Not 100%, but better.
I remember friends telling me that being a mother was the most enriching thing you could do. That the love you feel for your child is overwhelming and nothing like the love you feel for anyone else. And that being a parent completes a part of your life in a way you didn't realize was empty before having a child. Neil and I would joke about people exaggerating, trying to initiate others into the cult of no-sleep. But after having a child, I understand...
Our lives would have been happy and wonderful (and financially richer) without Maddy. But with her here? Even just three weeks in, when all she really does is eat and sleep? Our lives are better for having her here. To hear her first little giggle last night, our daughter's giggle... to look into her face and see me, Neil, my family, his family... to feel so much love for another person that it almost hurts. It's made life better than I ever thought was possible. And now I say those words I heard others say and they almost sound hollow, like platitudes. But they are the most honest words I have ever spoken. I have been initiated into the cult of parenthood and it's the most perfect place to be, for me.