Month Ten Letter

Dear Maddy,

Ten months. TEN months... You are within spitting distance of a year old.

Everyday there is something new, everyday you make us smile and laugh! You have changed absolutely everything in our lives, from what we do, how we live and how we see the world. And everything is better than I could have ever imagined. I thought being a mom would be good but I thought it would be hard work and kind of thankless. And sometimes it is. But most of the time it's so much fun! You are such a happy little girl. You have a spirit to you that already makes interacting with you a joy. Yes, you can get famously upset when something doesn't go your way, but that is fun too. You have the spirit of an explorer, and you are always on the move. You are an amazing little soul. An old little soul.

I am now back at work and I want you to know, Maddy, you are still always on my mind. I look at your picture on my desktop or on my phone multiple times a day. I think about you and your routines throughout the day. I miss you always. But having the chance to think again, challenge my little grey cells, is also good for me. Right now the grey cells are THIS close to short-circuiting but we're hanging in and I am hoping it'll get better (aka seem normal) soon. Madds, I have always been good at knowing where I park the car (unlike your dada, but that is another story). When I got pregnant you sucked some of that memory juice away and I would have to concentrate to remember where the car is. And now that I am working and caring for you and keeping track of the househodl stuff, for the first time ever I lost the car. I was SURE I was in the right place, but the vehicle was not. That sense of panic? Not pleasurable. And it was me, the car was one row over. Or when I got lost in a mall, on my way back to the office, a trip I had taken hundreds of times before. I stood there, looking around helplessly as I tried to figure out how to get to my desk. I knew there was a way, but could not see that route in my head.

But my girl, we're getting ready for your first Christmas and trying to figure out what the traditions will be. I know that some will evolve with time, but I want Christmas morning to be the time of opening gifts and stockings and seeing what Santa left you. I want us to then have a huge breakfast together, with baba and dido, and celebrate the most important part of the holiday season - family. I know there will be a time when we're going to seem so much less relevant. But until then, I'll do my best to show you the importance of family and maybe when the teenage years are over those morals will emerge again.

Maddy, I am frantically typing this at work over my lunch hour. When I get home there is dinner and savouring every second with you. Once you are asleep, then there is cleaning up after dinner, then laundry and other chores to do. But I don't want to lose this letter tradition. I want you to realize how important you are to all of us and I want you to read about your life as a baby, and where your parent's heads were then.

I love you more than I ever thought I could love. Ten months ago everything changed and our lives became complete with you here.

I love you, my Nunu.

Mama