Am I?

Well, it's been almost a week... a week or so until we find out for certain.

Am I?

I have had bouts of nausea. But wasn't I feeling a little sick before? I am cutting back on the amount I eat and then when there are treats in the office I go all Pavlov's dog and my stomach growls. And I have added corn back into my diet after a 10 year allergy to it, which may be setting me off.

Am I?

And I am tired. But with the longer days both Neil and I have been staying up later than we used to. And I am not sleeping all that well, but neither are other people I speak to, as the seasons change.

Am I?

And I have had mild uterine... twinges. Did this happen last time? Was I ovulating this week (I can sometimes feel that). Or is it some kind of implantation/hormonal thing?

Am I?

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The question will be on the top of my mind for the next week or so.

Am I?

And if I am, what does that mean? There are moments when I am filled with joy at the thought of a new nunu. I will have so many fewer fears and irrational thoughts. I will have some idea what to do, and how I will react to it all. I know every kid is different, but the mama will be the same. I will be (hopefully) more able to enjoy every second of nunu part deux. And watching my two children grow up together... hopefully they would have a good relationship and be close. Bathing them together, listening to them chatter in the back seat and fight over who is on whose side. If it would be a little girl... watching her and Maddy grow up together, sharing secrets and clothes, playing dolls together, one day talking about boys. Or a little boy... watching Maddy make him play tea party, watching my little boy run and climb and all those adventurous things that little boys do.

Am I?

And if I am not... how will I feel about that? I have started to love this possible baby so much already. But I am also pretty sure that if this isn't the time that nunu part deux is created that I am ready to commit to being a family of three. I don't think I could handle the stress of trying and waiting for two weeks and maybe not succeeding... And not even I could mess up THREE times.

Could I?