I made it... barely

On Sunday my mom, dad, Neil and I went out. Without Maddy. During the day. To a play! But I left my baby girl with a non-family member.

And it was hard.

When we got there I got nauseous. And while I didn't call home, I wanted to. So many times. I was worried how grumpy Maddy would be. I was worried something would go wrong. I missed my girl. The nausea didn't abate until we were leaving. As soon as we got home I ran into the house to see my girl. And? She looked at me and then wandered off. Well, I missed her enough for the both of us.

It'll get better, I'll get used to it. And it's healthy to get away. Although I think that I still will make more plans when Maddy is sleeping and less during the day. I cherish my time with my girl - I don't get that many waking hours with her and I don't want to lose what I have.

And, still, we're in the 2 week wait. I have debated buying sticks but can't make myself until at least Friday. I just won't believe anything that the stick would say right now. So... a few more days of waiting. Tonight I wanted a glass of wine, but couldn't. I have a splitting headache, but can't make myself take anything but regular aspirin and that doesn't really work. And I want sushi. Badly.

The strangest thing, I can talk about this wait on this blog, openly, but struggle to get the words out to people in person. Ah well, in a few days we'll know. If yes, in a few weeks I'll be able to tell everyone. If no, then we'll have some serious decisions to make.