It's happening.

I am returning to work. On November 15th. I am leaving Maddy for the day, every day, in 3 weeks. I am going back to work.

I interviewed for a position with Municipal Affairs a few weeks ago. They didn't want me for the position I interviewed for. But they wanted me for another position. So they closed the position I interviewed for, and opened the other one and today HR called and offered me the position. Starting November 15th. So SOON. So very very soon.

I feel better knowing that she'll be with baba during the day. She'll be with someone who loves her almost as much as mama and dada. But she won't be with me. There is a good chance I won't get to watch her take her first steps, speak her first words... I'll miss so many of the new things. I'll miss the little changes in her, the new food favorites, the new nap schedule, the new everything. And I love our days together, I love our routine, I love just sitting with her and making her laugh until she's nearly in tears. I love being home with her.

I never thought I'd be a mom who could stay home with their child. I thought I would be bored with it. But? I could. I would be content to stay home and be Nunu's mama. I love spending every second I can with her. She's so much fun! She's really such a sweet and fun and exciting little girl. She has a great sense of humour and loves to laugh. And she's also so independent. She is happy to go off and explore herself, as long as she can check back on mama. It's a joy to be with her every day!

But work. There is some part of me that is also looking forward to going back to work. To think about something other than when was the last poo, what should the next meal be, what should we do today. This is a new opportunity, a new and interesting position. It will be a fun position (I hope). And, the money will be nice. It's wonderful to get EI on mat leave but that money doesn't go far. But of course, I feel some guilt for being excited about returning to work. Being a mother is a guilty thing.

My girl is fast asleep in her crib. I think it's time for me to sneak in, cover her once more and kiss her forehead - the way I do every night. And then crawl into bed and be nervous and excited and scared and sad and guilty about the new position. And maybe sleep a bit too *grin*