A good night down!

In the past, when we tried CIO, we used the Ferber method and went back to check on her. Well, that was a spectacular failure. Madds would lose it even more when we walked out and take longer to calm. So trying sleep training again we went with just leaving her to cry and checking in, without going in very close. It was a spectacular failure... 

Madds took longer to settle this time around. And I was a mess. There is something biological about a mother hearing her daughter cry. While she cried that was all I could hear. I withdrew into myself and stared at the TV or computer or floor... I was in agony.

Neil keeps reminding me that what didn't work once, may work now. Tonight I went in and rubbed her back and stroked her head and talked to her and told her over and over again how much I love her. Then I'd leave. But I kept going back in. And after about 30 minutes I was waiting for the time to go back in. And? There was silence. She was sleeping! I am happier, she seemed happier (or calmer at least) and I can sleep more easily tonight. 

Nothing is harder than being a mom. But nothing is more rewarding... I love my Nunu more than I thought I could ever love.