Sunday, July 18, 2010

Guess what I am going to talk about

Yup. More on SLEEP.

Madds went down at 730pm and took 4 re-visits (until almost 10) to settle last night. And then woke at 1am and was playing (Neil woke to her kicking her crib). At 144am she was feisty and I went down for an early feed. She ate and then? Then it was awake time! She would not (could not) sleep until around 345am. Then she woke at 615 and since has had 3 half hour naps. And she's STILL in a pretty good mood! Mom? Mom is in sleep-deprived agony (4 hours in 2 2-hour chunks). Dad got a bit more but not much. The night before she slept from about 930 to 415am but then was up for 45 minutes. And then up at 620am again.

But she really was in a normal (good) mood all day! She didn't whine or fuss. Well, just a normal baby amount. I know that Madds will happily amuse herself in her bed now by playing with her toes, rolling, rotating in a circle, kicking the crib. During nap time I will check on her about 30 minutes in and often find her awake and playing happily. I have left her there for 30 minutes before going to get her even though she isn't fussing. Is she waking during the night every night? Is this normal to her?

We were putting starting her bedtime routine at 6-630pm because she was obviously tired and fussing. She'd wake a few times before being down for good and then wake between 6am and 7am. We have pushed the start time as late as 8pm, tonight it was 7pm. She goes to sleep very easily. She knows the routine and is out half way through the bottle. I rouse her a bit then lay her in her crib in a way that wakes her ("they" say never put a baby in bed fully asleep and I have noticed she wakes more when I do). It is then the problems start. About 45 minutes later she's awake and needs to be soothed. Which means I pick her up, hold her and rock her until she's drowsy again. And this happens a few more times. Normally she's finished this by 10pm. Then in the middle of the night she's up and needs to be soothed to go back to sleep. Sometimes numerous times. And as much as love my girl and as much as I love cuddling with her these multiple awakenings just can't continue.  I have read the cry techniques and the no-cry techniques. I have tried Ferberizing, plain old CIO, shushing and back rubbing without picking up, for a short time picking her up until she was calm then placing her down and picking her up the second she cried (I just held her until she pretty much fell asleep with too much back aching bending over), I have tried to bring her into our bed (she just wakes and wants to play there). She outgrew her swing but before that she'd wake when in the swing, at the mirror above her. Plus, with her head issues she should not be sleeping sitting up with the pressure on her head. She sleeps in her car seat when driving but again, that is a no with the head issues. And, really, we'll just have another bad habit to break. Then what we're doing, which works for Maddy - me going in and holding her until she's almost asleep and then laying her down. It USED to work! She'd sleep through the night (we think) or wake once and she'd only need me to go resoothe in the evening once or twice. I could handle that. But then (of course) it changed.

20 minutes after laying her down she woke with a scream. And she is now inconsolable. She wants to sleep only nestled in my arms. And I can't do that... I can't sleep sitting up in a glider, I can't hold her all night. We're trying something else. We're staying with her, comforting her so she knows we're there, until she calms. Neil has spelled me off and is comforting her. We'll take turns. She's crying like she did during a Ferber night... and she can do this for up to 1.5 hours. It's been 30 minutes so far. I can't see this being a long night, until likely I give in and hold her to sleep.

This has been piecemeal writing, we've been taking turns with Maddy. At 8pm I gave her Advil. At 820 (about when it would kick in) she stopped crying. She laid in her crib on her side, staring out into nothing, through the slats. She didn't respond to my touch or my lullaby song. She was just still... I left as her eyes were getting heavy. Her head is going through another change, I can see the difference in the bumps and shape seemingly daily. Could that be it? Could it be hurting her now, as it changes, and the pain is worse when she lays down? I'll call the plagiocephaly clinic tomorrow and ask. But even if that is so, I can't have her sleep propped up (and on her head) because of the reason it is hurting.

Maddy, when you are older and read this I want you to know how much I love you and how much we only want to do what is best for you. You are a strong and determined baby. I love the fact that you know what you want. I love the fact you are already a leader and not a follower. I love you more than anything in this world. I wish I could give up sleeping and just hold you all night long, the way you want me to. But I can't.

Teaching you healthy sleep habits is important and a way we show you how much we love you. Also a sane and rested mom? Really in everyone's best interest.

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