My 200th blog post.
Wow, I have a lot to type and it feels like not a lot to say. Well, except about sleep. *grin* Two hundred times I have hit "publish post" (well, 199 until I publish this one). Two hundred times I have spoken about the thing in my life that has taken over, pushed everything else to the side. Motherhood.
They say being a mother means having your heart running around outside your body. I always thought that sounded so trite. Until Maddy came along. But it is true and yet also can't begin to explain what it means to hold your child in your arms. It's more than your heart, it's... everything. Their little body holds the most important parts of your world. So much of what my mother did makes sense now. So much in life makes sense now.
Maddy finished her swimming lessons last week. I brought home her report card and threw it on the counter. Later when she was sleeping I picked it up, to read through it. On the cover, in almost child-like printing was the name Madeline. It flashed me back to being a child myself and looking at the covers of school report cards and certificates and art projects. The name on those pieces of paper was me. It represented my likes and dislikes and beliefs and personality. And on the piece of paper in my hands that evening was the name that represented my daughter and her likes and dislikes... And I am the one who created and will be raising that person. It's the most fulfilling yet frightening feeling...
Awesome things about being a mom? Someone who loves your singing, because they don't know better (yet). You can kiss and hugs and love away someone's boo-boos. You can make someone smile by sticking your tongue out. You get to re-live your childhood through the joy in your child's eyes.
The hard things? The responsibility for a person. To make the right decisions that will provide them the morals and values to live a good life. To hope they will forgive you for all the mistakes you have and will make. The way that everything in your life changes and suddenly your needs are so unimportant. And to do this all with a disturbing lack of sleep.
I am not a writer. I am just a mom who wants to remember the craziest time of her life. Thank you for coming along on this journey with me. Thank you for the advice and the support and for not judging. And now, for the 200th time, I am going to hit "publish post". Crazy.