I was exhausted and at my wits end. I couldn't get more than 3 hours sleep, Madds was needing constant attention to sleep, I was dreading bedtime and naptime. And then I stopped, re-read Ferber and objectively thought through what I was doing. And Madds' problems? Totally my fault.
I had a routine I loved. Bath, massage, then I'd hold her in my arms and she'd have her night bottle. Madds is not a snuggly little girl and I cherished this quiet time to my baby in my arms (without her immediately struggling to sit up, roll, grab something, look around etc). But? She'd fall asleep there and while I would wake her to lay her down (sometimes) it was still in my arms where she'd calm for sleep. And I think because I loved our snuggling that I didn't objectively look at that as the problem. Now? Now Madds has her feed in the living room with me, away from bedtime. The we have the bath and the massage and then I hold her in my arms while standing up and sing her lullaby to her. Then I lay her down awake and we keep going back in. First night she cried and fussed for 40 minutes. Second night less, last night? 10 minutes. Naps are going well also (except, of course, this current one). She fusses 10 or so minutes, then will sleep 30 minutes or so. And we're getting 3-4 30 minute naps in a day.
Madds is sleeping well, I am sleeping well, and I am not dreading naps and bedtime! I am not foolish enough to think that we have all issues solved forever. But right now? Sleep is NOT A PROBLEM!!